LGBT Parenting
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Using a Known Donor
Hello Ladies! Julie and I have found a donor that we would like to use, and we have approached them asking if they would be willing, they said yes. We know that we want the donor to have contact with the child, but I was curious if any of you had any advice on the legal aspect, we are kind of lost. I'm also open to book recommendations, but I do need info on legalities. Also, if it matters the insemination will not be done at home.
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Re: Using a Known Donor
A lot of it can depend on what state you're in. We're in California and we have a contract, probably similar to what some of the other women are going to offer up. I think the most important thing to know is that many lawyers will tell you that a contract is definitely needed, but that does not guarrantee it will stand up in court. So I think that much of it is how you feel about the person and what your gut tells you.
In our case, our KDs had both been donating for awhile, each had around 10 live births and therefore were proof to us about how they handle being a KD. It was very clear to us what they intended to be doing and we felt that was authentic. If you've got someone you're using that has a spouse for instance, or has never donated before, you need to be aware of how their perspective could change over time.
There are some good books on Nolo Press. There is a premier lawyer in my area that writes for Nolo Press and does LGBT law. We met with her prior to getting into our situation and it was helpful to just go over the issues with her and decide whether we wanted to involve a lawyer or not. Ultimately, we decided not to involve a lawyer and we had to move on to IVF anyway so we're no longer using our KDs.
Hope that helps and best of luck!
Cali
I know in NV a contract really does no good when it comes down to things.
just a few things I learned along the way ...
1) make sure that your contract exclusively has a spot for KD to TERMINATE his PATERNITY and exemplify his NON-Intetntion of being a parent. This is HUGE HUGE HUGE .. This also protect the donor in that you can not collect child support.
Some states have way different laws Like in NV if you have a contract great but if the KN parent ( DONOR grandparents ) want to petition they can so make sure you exclude everyone you want. Kind of crazy that the Parents of the donor can petition for custody ( again state by state )
Just check with an LGBT family attorney and make sure its some one who has experience with cases like these!!!!
our Blog -http://dosbabies.wordpress.com/
Like PPs have said, it's very specific to the laws in your state. We have an agreement (signed and notarized), but we know it has no legal standing if our donor tries to sue for paternity, or if C tried to sue for child support. The agreement is mostly for us all to be on the same page and clearly state our intentions.
In our state, the KD can sign the paperwork to terminate his parental rights any time after conception as long as there is an intended adoptive parent. We had a (free) consultation with an LGBT family lawyer to find out about the process, and she will be our lawyer for the adoption too. We offered the option of consulting with a lawyer at our cost to our donor, but he declined.
Our donor intends to have contact in a "super uncle" type of role. He is a close friend (he's visiting us this week for completely non-insemination reasons) and so there is a lot of mutual trust.
We used both the agreement and health screening from this website:
https://www.maiamidwifery.com/preconception.htm
AMH 0.5, AFC 5-8, FSH 7ish
IVF #1 - antagonist. Empty follicle syndrome. 1 retrieved, 0 fertilized.
IVF #2 - antagonist. Ovulated early. 3 retrieved, 2 fertilized, 0 blasts
We are almost in the exact same boat is hlke. We consulted a local LGBT attorney and offered to pay for legal fees of our known donor. Now that our baby is on the way, I can't tell you how relieved I feel that we went that route. I just feel like there are no loose ends, though I know something could always happen.
We wrote the Donor Agreement ourselves after the attorney consult, but we will use the attorney for the 2nd parent adoption (though we are legally married in our state). A little money spent makes for a world of weight off your shoulders during pregnancy and post-birth!