Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
Re: Using a Known Donor
A lot of it can depend on what state you're in. We're in California and we have a contract, probably similar to what some of the other women are going to offer up. I think the most important thing to know is that many lawyers will tell you that a contract is definitely needed, but that does not guarrantee it will stand up in court. So I think that much of it is how you feel about the person and what your gut tells you.
In our case, our KDs had both been donating for awhile, each had around 10 live births and therefore were proof to us about how they handle being a KD. It was very clear to us what they intended to be doing and we felt that was authentic. If you've got someone you're using that has a spouse for instance, or has never donated before, you need to be aware of how their perspective could change over time.
There are some good books on Nolo Press. There is a premier lawyer in my area that writes for Nolo Press and does LGBT law. We met with her prior to getting into our situation and it was helpful to just go over the issues with her and decide whether we wanted to involve a lawyer or not. Ultimately, we decided not to involve a lawyer and we had to move on to IVF anyway so we're no longer using our KDs.
Hope that helps and best of luck!
Cali
I know in NV a contract really does no good when it comes down to things.
just a few things I learned along the way ...
1) make sure that your contract exclusively has a spot for KD to TERMINATE his PATERNITY and exemplify his NON-Intetntion of being a parent. This is HUGE HUGE HUGE .. This also protect the donor in that you can not collect child support.
Some states have way different laws Like in NV if you have a contract great but if the KN parent ( DONOR grandparents ) want to petition they can so make sure you exclude everyone you want. Kind of crazy that the Parents of the donor can petition for custody ( again state by state )
Just check with an LGBT family attorney and make sure its some one who has experience with cases like these!!!!
our Blog -http://dosbabies.wordpress.com/
Like PPs have said, it's very specific to the laws in your state. We have an agreement (signed and notarized), but we know it has no legal standing if our donor tries to sue for paternity, or if C tried to sue for child support. The agreement is mostly for us all to be on the same page and clearly state our intentions.
In our state, the KD can sign the paperwork to terminate his parental rights any time after conception as long as there is an intended adoptive parent. We had a (free) consultation with an LGBT family lawyer to find out about the process, and she will be our lawyer for the adoption too. We offered the option of consulting with a lawyer at our cost to our donor, but he declined.
Our donor intends to have contact in a "super uncle" type of role. He is a close friend (he's visiting us this week for completely non-insemination reasons) and so there is a lot of mutual trust.
We used both the agreement and health screening from this website:
https://www.maiamidwifery.com/preconception.htm
AMH 0.5, AFC 5-8, FSH 7ish
IVF #1 - antagonist. Empty follicle syndrome. 1 retrieved, 0 fertilized.
IVF #2 - antagonist. Ovulated early. 3 retrieved, 2 fertilized, 0 blasts
We are almost in the exact same boat is hlke. We consulted a local LGBT attorney and offered to pay for legal fees of our known donor. Now that our baby is on the way, I can't tell you how relieved I feel that we went that route. I just feel like there are no loose ends, though I know something could always happen.
We wrote the Donor Agreement ourselves after the attorney consult, but we will use the attorney for the 2nd parent adoption (though we are legally married in our state). A little money spent makes for a world of weight off your shoulders during pregnancy and post-birth!