"No Daddy!"

sschu874 · July 2012

Recently, my just turned 2-year-old DS seems to be pushing Daddy away. He tells Daddy "No" and calls him "Sassy Daddy" a lot. I've told my husband that if he interacts with DS more, that he might come around. He's an awesome dad but tends to rely on me to be the "default" parent and will mostly just step up when I ask him to or when I'm not around. I want he and our son to have a good relationship and feel that they are hitting a bit of a rough patch!

I guess my question is have you gone through this? Any advice?

katiekate_ga · July 2012

My 2 year old is in the "NO" stage. Everything is no even if he wants it. This does carry over to Nana and sometimes daddy.

Well, only what I have been doing and not scientifically proven:

1) Tell him that we need to speak nicely to ____

2) And encourage for him to give a response.

It has been very frustrating but I have been told this "NO" stage passes and part of the expressing independence.

sschu874 · July 2012

I really hope it's a phase! Now that you mention Nana, he does tell his grandparents "No" and awful lot too. He'll even tell them "Bye" when he wants them to leave him alone!

honeybee111 · July 2012

It's a phase. DD is 2.5 and goes back and forth as to which is her preferred parent. Yesterday, she was all over DH and only wanted him to carry her to bed, sing her a song, get her dinner, etc. Last week, it was all me. One of the things that helped was if she refused DH, I would back him up and tell her, "No, Mommy is busy with ______. Daddy will help you _______." She realized that sometimes she doesn't have a choice about who helps her.

angelamaster1986 · July 2012

Its a phase that comes with the age. Continue to encourage Daddy to interact with your son. I recently read somewhere that you could also involve him in things that your son wants to do with you too to help balance it out. For instance if your son wants you to read a book, say you would like Daddy to read it and youre going to look at the pictures. Eventually this phase will pass.

littledream313 · July 2012

I think it's just a phase. My 2 year old has always been the biggest daddy's girl ever then over the past couple months she's been all about me (or even preferring grandma to everyone else). I don't have any advice, I just let it play out because I know in a few weeks she'll be telling me "no mama, daddy help me" again.

jwthoms1 · July 2012

My DS is a Mama's boy and says this ALL THE TIME! Like the others said, I just make his dad do stuff sometimes and I've told DH to play with him more and do fun stuff more often but usually backs off when DS says this. He does it with the grandparents too and their feelings get hurt but he does warm up after a while if they are playing and making him laugh. His favorite phrase right now is" No, It's Mommy's Turn" meaning I have to be the one to turn on his show, give him a bath, read his story, fix his lunch. It's annoying.

sschu874 · July 2012

This is all very reassuring!! Thanks everyone! I feel so bad for DH because his feelings get hurt, but it's good to know that it's just a phase.

k.martell · July 2012

honeybee111:
It's a phase. DD is 2.5 and goes back and forth as to which is her preferred parent. Yesterday, she was all over DH and only wanted him to carry her to bed, sing her a song, get her dinner, etc. Last week, it was all me. One of the things that helped was if she refused DH, I would back him up and tell her, "No, Mommy is busy with ______. Daddy will help you _______." She realized that sometimes she doesn't have a choice about who helps her.

Ditto, ditto & ditto.

It truly is a phase and one of the most frustrating I've been through so far. I had a similar convo. with DD when I needed some space and DH wanted her attention. I'd leave the room and DH would distract her with a toy, finger play game, movie, etc.

etude de la vie · July 2012

DD is also in the "no daddy" stage. He wakes her up in the morning (really the only time during the week he sees her) and she responds with "no daddy....Mama" it takes her a while to warm up to him in the morning and I know it hurts DH a little.

Cherryblossoms07 · July 2012

We are kind of in that stage. She will want daddy to play with her during the day but if she needs something or if DH wants to help with dinner or bedtime routine - daddy absolutely cannot help. She will throw a huge temper tantrum if he even tries. It is exhausting for me and it hurts DH's feelings a little but I figure it is a stage. I hope a short one.

jannv11 · July 2012

DS has done this off and on for about a year now and he just turned 3. It's weird b/c DH works afternoon shift a lot and is there when DS wakes up during the week and most days DS is upset by this. Even more weird it's always been this way. I love that DS loves me so much but it hurts DH's feelings. I tell him to interact with him more and it's the same here that if I'm home I'm the one DS is with. Just keep pushing the interact of them and getting out to do their own things together.

92405bride · July 2012

My husband and I split parenting pretty much evenly with my daughter (we both work full time) and she STILL goes through "NO DADDY" phases. And "NO MOMMY" phases. That are usually seconds apart. I chalk it up to her just being insane and ignore it and let her have her meltdown if she's not with her "preferred" parent at the moment.

RA1109 · July 2012

My DS has been doing this for over a year, only it's always "No daddy," it's never been no mama. I do stay home with him, but my DH is extremely hands on and spends tons of time with the kids. DS is his life, he's obsessed with him, so it's extremely hurtful. The only thing that seems to help (temporarily) is if DH spends a big chunk of time doing something really fun with DS when I'm not there. Even then he never would choose Daddy over me, but he at least acts like he likes him. I wish I had an answer!

CalinsBride · July 2012

My DH is very hands-on and DS still doesn't really want him to do anything for him. DS wants me to do EVERYTTHING. He will play with DH and cuddle with him, and let DH do bath time, but he wants me to dress him, change his diaper, get him in and out of his car seat, push the shopping cart or stroller if we're out, do bed time etc, etc. He is fine with DH doing any of these things if I'm not around. I think it's just a phase, albeit a very annoying one.

In our case it started after DD was born. I think DS is jealous of all the time I spend holding DD, carrying her around (because she obviously can't walk), and BFing her, so this is his way of ensuring that he gets some mommy nurturing as well.

betheppert · July 2012

My DS is totally like this- he wants nothing to do with Daddy when I am around- to the point of kicking and screaming if he tries to change his diaper, get him dressed, or if I walk out of the room. He just comes running after me.

I have chalked it up to my DH not being as responsive to DS needs and wants and often I think DS feels a little ignored and I try to not be that way. I also think DS knows that I am pregnant and wants my full attention.

My DH has been taking it pretty hard the past couple weeks and I'm hoping he will make a little more effort to spend quality time with DS to make things better.

Selfishly, I'm glad I'm not the only one going through this!

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