terminating not by choice?

Tiffany946 · July 2012

we may have to make a call in two weeks to terminate our pregnancy due to a neural tube defect. Doc wants to wait two more weeks to make the call. But has anyone here had to make this choice? I'm lost and I just don't know where to post...

dandywarhol · July 2012

I'm so sorry that you are facing such a difficult situation.

There are some women on here who have had to terminate for medical reasons. I hope they see your post and can provide some comforting words.

LuckEinLuv · July 2012

I sent you a PM. I am so sorry you are going through this.

[Deleted User] · July 2012

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KayaXavier · July 2012

First of all, I am so very sorry that you find yourself in this heartbreaking position.

I've never posted on this board before but I read here quite often and find a great sense of comfort and kinship with the women here.

I guess I can't say that I didn't choose to terminate because it was my choice but, I found out that I had Stage 3 cancer while 21 weeks pregnant and I chose to terminate rather than postpone surgery and radiation until after I delivered. I agonize over my choice to this day but I have found some peace with the arrival of my rainbow baby and my current pregnancy.

I have managed to convince myself that the baby I terminated was my daughter and she just went back and waited until I was healthy enough to welcome her. I'm not sure if that is unhealthy to tell myself fairy takes like that but I do. Your situation is very different from mine in that your precious child is not healthy and your decision would be based on compassion to allow your baby to avoid pain and suffering and (from what I understand) certain death. My baby was typically developing and I hope daily that my decision wasn't selfish.

I hope so much that whatever choice you make brings you peace and I am so sorry for your potential loss.

lrichmond86 · July 2012

I did not experience this, but I'm so very sorry that you are in this situation. T&P for you, DH and LO!

yosemitemom · July 2012

Yes. We interrupted our pregnancy, or terminated for medical reasons (TFMR) last month. Our daughter had multiple rare and severe brain malformations. It was the most difficult decision of our lives. I'm so sorry that you may have to consider this. I'm going to recommend a couple of resources that I have found really helpful. There is a website called, "A Heartbreaking Choice" that is dedicated to pregnancy interruption. I also read the book that resulted from that website, called "Our Heartbreaking Choices." Ba.by Ce.nter also has a message board for TFMR. As much as I wish no one had to experience this loss, it helped me very much to know that I am not alone. I also reached out locally and found a support group for families that have had to terminate for medical reasons. I'll be thinking of you. I can be reached here or via PM.

HollyBee1022 · July 2012

I'm so, so sorry you're facing this. I hope that you'll get better news in the next two weeks. But yes, MH and I had to end our pregnancy at 22 weeks; our baby girl had a fatal heart condition as well as a chromosomal defect. It was the hardest thing we've ever had to do, but it was the right decision for us. PM if you'd like. Whatever you decide, I'm wishing you the best.

roxyttandme · July 2012

We terminated too. It is the toughest of choices. In the end, it is about what you know to be right form your baby. Other peoples opinions are irrelevant.

Im so sorry you are having to deal with this.

damabo80 · July 2012

While this isn't my home board, I wanted to reach out to you and comment. We terminated due to anencephaly/acrania. It was a hard choice, but one that was best for our family. One of the factors that weighed into our decision was IF. We had been trying for years at that point with failed IF cycles. Carrying to term would mean a c section, which would push our TTC efforts out another 6m post delivery. We didn't want to wait for another year when my eggs were on borrowed time as it was.

While it broke our hearts, we have no regrets. Please PM me if you'd like.

careyalis · July 2012

I am so incredibly sorry that you are finding yourself on this board. I found out that my daughter had a fatal form of skeletal dysplasia about halfway through my pregnancy, and we chose to carry to term and let nature play it's course. We were extremely blessed to be able to meet our daughter while she was alive and we have no regrets about our decision. Although it was incredibly hard to carry a baby with a death sentence, I needed that time with her to cope with her inevitable death. I pray that you an your husband are able to make the best decision for your family. You will be in my thoughts during this difficult time. (big hugs)

7peasinapod · August 2012

KayaXavier:
I have managed to convince myself that the baby I terminated was my daughter and she just went back and waited until I was healthy enough to welcome her. I'm not sure if that is unhealthy to tell myself fairy takes like that but I do.

I have a very similar theory. Just happy to know I'm not alone!

And to the original poster, I'm sorry you're going through this.

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