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January 2012 Moms
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a little worried about baby/daddy bonding

kmm2150kmm2150 member
in January 2012 Moms

DH has been really busy with work lately, and a lot of times I'm on my own with DD for much of the evening. We are also breastfeeding, and often the best/easiest way to calm her if she's fussy is to nurse - more time with me. She pretty much doesn't wake up at night except once or twice to eat - MORE time with me. I also do daycare pick-up and drop-off, just because my work schedule is more predictable. And, to add to it, DH has knee issues and has a hard time getting down on the floor to play with DD, which is pretty much where she wants to be 99% of the time now, rather than in our arms, on our laps, etc.

About the only time DH routinely spends with her is in the morning - usually she wakes up while I'm still getting ready, he goes up and gets her and they hang out and play and sing songs, etc. The last few mornings though, as soon as they come down and she sees me, she reaches for me, and gets really fussy with DH quickly.

I feel like he's getting frustrated that he can't seem to make or keep her happy, and is becoming quicker and quicker at just passing her to me all the time rather than trying to deal with it. This sucks for me because I'm pretty much on baby duty 100% of the time I'm home, and for him because I feel like he's missing out on bonding time with her, learning how to soothe her himself, letting her learn that it's ok to be with daddy too, etc.

I can see the beginnings of stranger anxiety setting in - she is more and more anxious when people she doesn't know hold her or even talk to her, and I don't want that "stranger" anxiety to include her own daddy!

Anybody else dealing with this? Tips?

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Re: a little worried about baby/daddy bonding

  • HuahineHuahine member
    What are your weekends like?  Can you get him involved with diaper changes and feedings then?
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  • bigbearbigbear

    DD fusses with DH when she sees me and fusses with me when she sees DH like she wants to be with the one she isn't that moment. So we switch off and I do my things or go grocery shopping alone while DH does things with her. He has back issues so he also isn't too great about being on the floor with her. But our DD loves to sit on the couch (we build a little bunker so she can't fall off) and then DH plays guitar with her. She LOVES it!

    Maybe he can try that kind of interaction with her. She doesn't have to be held necessarily. This way she can look at his face, too. And you get some time alone.

    My DH also works very long hours. He comes home around 7pm and typically still has to work from home afterwards but he just makes time for DD and some family time. Then he typically works for a few more hours when DD and me are in bed already. It's tough but you do what you can.... This works for us

     

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  • namara5532namara5532 member
    DS does this sometimes with DH.  I encourage them to spend time together away from me, like going for a walk or playing while I get a shower or something.  I also make a point to get DS playing by himself when it's just me (as it is most of the time) so he isn't dependent on me holding him or sitting next to him all the time.  He still prefers me, but he'll tolerate daddy for short spurts.
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  • aboynamedbarryaboynamedbarry member
    obviously each situation is unique and different, but from what my friends with older kids have told me the tendency is that their babies preferred them (mommy) over daddy til about a year. because of all the feeding, rocking, holding etc, but then as they begin to get older and daddy is doing all kinds of fun and exciting things aka not doing laundry ;) they want to be playing with him and the tables turn. my suggestion would be to involve him as much as you can (even if it is only in the morning! that is ok) your baby will still feel loved by both of you and as time goes by the natural progression will happen. the important thing is that you are aware of it and want both of you to bond with LO :) which you are! your baby is lucky to have you :)
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  • beccajanedowningbeccajanedowning member
    I was worried about this too since DH only sees DD in the mornings and on weekends. He gets her up in the morning, gives her a bottle and plays with her so I can pump (I EP) and workout. They also spend as much time as possible together on the weekend. I'll go out without her and they'll hang out. 
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