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1st Trimester
Scared, confused, and emotional
I'm somewhere around week 4-7. My husband will be celebrating our second anniversary this month. We did not plan this pregnancy, and while I'm partially happily surprised as I thought endometriosis would make me infertile in the next 5-10 years and would have already started.I was diagnosed with depression last month after an attempted suicide and placed on 24/7 antidepressants. I remember before that I did not want to have sex at all to risk having a baby because my husband wanted us to start trying although we are nowhere close to financially ready and our lives are excessively stressful (family problems mostly). According to what I've checked up online, my date of conception would have been somewhere around that time, so I guess I just don't remember us doing anything because of the meds. I had a lot of symptoms early on and kept joking to my husband about being pregnant, but he insisted that I was getting ahead of myself straight up until two positive pregnancy tests later. Once it was confirmed at the doctor's office, I asked him if he was excited and he smiled and said it was all part of his master plan all along. Since that, I've gotten no help, interest, or support from him. I searched the internet to help me cope with how I was feeling and I saw some posts on yahoo advising pregnant women to control their emotions and stop using their pregnancy as an excuse for everything. I thought everything was probably all in my head so I've been trying to suppress my emotions and the things I'm feeling and I feel like if I'm breaking myself. I've tried to talk to my husband about my fears for this baby with my health problems and the health problems running in my family, our financial situation, and my feelings of not being ready for a baby now and he just gets offended, angry, or annoyed and tells me I choose to think this negatively because I want to think bad things in order to feel good and I need to start being excited for this and he'll get interested and involved when the time comes. I'm pregnant right now and I wish he could be there for me now, (this is my first), I'm absolutely terrified and I have no family or friends that I can ask to help me out with anything. I've tried reading up on what first time moms feel like and I can't picture myself with a baby or toddler or even walking around picking out baby things. I'm trying to do what I can around the house and take care of myself (food, massage, research) but leaving him alone to get in the picture on his own doesn't seem to be working. He spends all his time sleeping/napping, looking up technology information online, watching TV, or on the phone calling people to buy/trade tech stuff. He says he'll start looking for a job soon (he's not getting his old job back after a heart attack in April) and I saw him working on his resume today and talking about a position available somewhere so I think that's a good sign. Is he having sympathy pregnancy symptoms if he's always tired/sleepy, hungry, nauseous, and getting backaches, headaches and footaches? I really don't know what to make of this. I know I sound like a whiny baby but I really wish he would show some support and interest in this pregnancy and in the baby. [TMI WARNING] I have constant, severe diarrhea and I started vomiting today. I'm constantly feeling exhausted, nauseous, and dizzy and all these things combined with severe anemia is a story all on its own. I'm trying to suck it up and get on with things but I really can't. I'm scared that if I push myself and faint while I'm pregnant something will happen to the baby. I'm trying to exercise and do deep breathing exercises but I really need him to be by my side. Has anyone else experienced this? Any suggestions on how to handle/deal with this?
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Re: Scared, confused, and emotional
Please us paragraphs next time....yikes. You should first talk to your doctor to make sure your meds/treatment are safe during pregnancy. If you are having true depression/bad feelings regarding the baby at any time, you should talk to your doctor. Not connecting right away (not wanting to shop for baby things, etc) can be totally normal, and a lot of women don't get that connection until later when they feel the baby move and are showing more and really "look" pregnant.
Men come around at different times. If your SO was happy when ya'll found out, it's a good sign that he truly is on board. Remember, dads can't feel your symptoms or experience what you're experiencing so their connection may not be made until later, or even until the baby comes. Take good care of yourself, and ask him for help/support if you need it. Hopefully he won't be an a$$ and will pitch in. Good luck!
Sorry your feel this way honey. Do talk to your ob about what youre feeling and about the meds you are on. Remember that not everyone is totally excited right off the bat. I for one was so scarde with this pregnancy I cried and was also depressed and filled with anxiety about different issues. I am now finally starting to get excited and happy about the miracle of creating a little human inside me and looking forward to giving birth to it.
About the timing= it is never the perfect time to have a baby. Either youre too young and broke or too old, tired and have more risks. Be happy God blessed you with this experience when he did. Many people have had children under the craziest circumstances and their kids survived and became successful.
Support- be glad that he was excited about it. Most guys have no clue what to do for a pregnant lady. They don't realize how tired we get the first tri or how our hormones do infact take us into these rollercoaster of emotions. One minute you are crying from frustration then an Oreo commercial makes you cry out of joy. They don;t get it but him being happy about it is a big deal.
Take car of yourself honey and the little bundle you have inside of you, Things will work out. Remember things never stay the same and the sun always comes out after the worst of storms.