Where do you recharge your parenting confidence?

tokenhoser · July 2012

I'm not sure how to phrase that exactly, but I'm avoiding some discussions on boards on the other site about Baby Wise and scheduling newborns and generally ignoring your child's needs to make them more convenient. I know there is really no point in engaging these parents, as they are pretty set in their convictions that Baby Wise and Baby Whisperer are just amazing. But it makes me tired and sad to think about parenting little babies and toddlers that way.

So what do you do to recharge after such interactions, whether online or IRL with parents of different styles? I am reading "Raising Your Spirited Child", which is great (even though my child is perhaps a little young to call spirited, he's got some of the temperament for it for sure). I love a good LLL meeting. I like hanging out here (but it's pretty slow).

boogerbearoriginal · July 2012

I vent to my sister, who parents a lot like I do. Or to my Mom, who was a "weirdo" in the 80s for BFing/etc.

Like you I try to read books that have have tips/etc for AP-type parenting techniques, and this board too, although I agree it is pretty slow. And other than that I just look at my happy, healthy baby and take that as encouragement that I'm doing something right. Those precious little moments, like a giggle of happiness from LO while BFing or a snuggle in the middle of the night, remind me why I do the things I do.

missisue · July 2012

I have a nice talk with my hubby about our parenting choices, which usually leads to us marveling at how happy, sweet, and attached our little girl is. Had I not stumbled across the Hypnobabies Web site while pregnant, which led to a natural birth, which led to the discovery of the term "attachment parenting," and so on, we probably would have been those parents trying to schedule our baby. AP is very much a conscious choice for us, so talking about it together always recharges my commitment.

We have two sets of friends with older children (4-6 years). One is very AP and crunchy, and their kids are a delight to be around. The other set is very conventional, uses spankings, spends long periods of time away from their kid, etc. and that child is much less enjoyable to hang out with. Spending time with either set is always a good reminder of why we chose so many AP practices. We've seen the long(ish)-term benefits!

00jennifer00 · July 2012

I spend time highlighting in my Bible all the tender ways that God cares for us. I know a big argument in favor of Babywise stuff is God, but I disagree. God is gentle and kind when speaking about His faithful children. He does punish harshly, but not babies in the faith. And our babies are BABIES! Little innocent people.

I also love askdrsears.com. I stumbled upon that website when my first was just a few weeks old. We had naturally tried out co-sleeping, and I wanted to confirm what I knew in my heart since everyone I knew was saying how horrible it was. We lived with my parents at the time (until #1 was 17mo, dh was working for them and room and board was part of the pay), and they were just so against all of our choices. I really had to dig in and find a support system, even if it was just Dr Sears articles and Scripture. I didn't happen across anyone who parented like me until I was pg with my second baby, and she wasn't local.

We get told all the time how wonderfully behaved our kids are (well, our older two, our third is a HIGH-spirited child lol and our youngest is still too little).

celiabwatson · July 2012

I just look at my kids. It's actually been so affirming to have two. For one thing I can see that all my son's sleep issues are not the result of my parenting, but just who he is (my daughter is a wonderful sleeper). I also can regularly see how caring my son is and how thoughtful, whereas when I had just him I didn't see that as much from the outside.

Otherwise I just go to the playground. If I'm feeling really down I get secret pleasure out of watching how stressful parenting in a different way can be. I'm so relaxed now and I trust my son and I watch the helicopter parents and just breath a sigh of relief that I don't have that kind of stress.

Harper'smom · July 2012

Watching a episode of Teen Mom will make you feel fabulous.

I get really puzzled by parenting by the clock and/or calander and all things scheduling as they relate to itty bittys. I'm obviously in the minority on my BMB but I've resigned to the fact that I just won't ever "get" those kind of approaches and those that follow them likely won't ever "get" mine. #1 is awesome and I don't regret one moment spent nursing her or holding her for naps, well into toddlerhood although many would scoff at such notions. You won't look back and regret your choices once the overall picture gets bigger. It is easy to be overly critical of yourself while you are still in the thick of things.

bandwife · July 2012

The times I feel the most insecure is when I talk to my sister. We have children a similar age and she parents quite differently than we do. She's also very competitive and is very dismissive of our parenting and birth choices. Every time I get off a call with her I have a half dozen veiled insults from her burned in my brain.

I talk to my DH about our son, how he is doing, how happy we are with the choices we have made. Our son has finally started sleeping through the night (didn't happen until 2.5 yrs) and I know it is not because we practice a lot of AP - it's just how he is (he also had some medical issues that have now been resolved).

It's hard. I've moved to a place that isn't very AP friendly and the LLL league is considered super radical. It's quite different culturally from where I'm from and where we lived until DS was 19 months.

I try to read a bit on this board every few months. That helps.

FYI, now I'm pregnant with #2 so I'll probably be around a bit more.

Teneniel · July 2012

bandwife:
The times I feel the most insecure is when I talk to my sister. We have children a similar age and she parents quite differently than we do. She's also very competitive and is very dismissive of our parenting and birth choices. Every time I get off a call with her I have a half dozen veiled insults from her burned in my brain.
I talk to my DH about our son, how he is doing, how happy we are with the choices we have made. Our son has finally started sleeping through the night (didn't happen until 2.5 yrs) and I know it is not because we practice a lot of AP - it's just how he is (he also had some medical issues that have now been resolved).
It's hard. I've moved to a place that isn't very AP friendly and the LLL league is considered super radical. It's quite different culturally from where I'm from and where we lived until DS was 19 months.
I try to read a bit on this board every few months. That helps.
FYI, now I'm pregnant with #2 so I'll probably be around a bit more.

Ahh! Your blog is awesome! I'm totally going to start following it.

I am lucky in that I live in a massively crunchy town (Bellingham, WA...not far from where you're from PP!) so our parenting ideas are much more mainstream here than most places. I have talks with my husband, lurk this board, or talk to my other crunchy mom friend when I'm feeling put down by my family or other boards.

kcisthebombdotcom · July 2012

Honestly, watching my SIL's kids who she did babywise with and are now 1.5 and 5.5. My kids are self-confident, always content and independent. Her kids are whiny, needy, and not self assured at all. I think AP principals, while sometimes resulted in less sleep in the short term created better results long-term.

Izybel18 · July 2012

I read this board! I live in a crunchy town but haven't made a new circle of friends since DD was born, I quit my job, etc. I don't mind too much that this board is slow, it reminds me that I'm not in a little bubble of AP-ness and that lots of people all over the country think the way DH and I do!

MouseInLux · July 2012

I spend some time on an AP board thats based in the UK and I'm lucky to have a number of friends who are APish and I think it's through my influence as their little ones are 4-6 months younger than E. I also talk to my Mum who did a lot of APish things when I was growing up. Even though we have made different choices about some things she's very supportive of my choices

bandwife · July 2012

@Teneniel I do love the PNW! I did my undergrad at UW so have a real soft spot for WA state. Lots of friends still there.

Thanks for the kind words about the blog. It's been such a help to me as we've made some big lifestyle shifts. And the community there is awesome. I've learned so much from the comments section.

Bellingham is a great little town. My DH was in a band for a long, long time and played a lot of gigs in Bellingham. Luck you!

skibunny59 · July 2012

I really like this board a lot. I rarely post but I lurk on here a lot. I've gotten comments from family members about how I should put DD on a schedule (she's 4 months old) and how I should stop nursing her to sleep. Honestly the reason I do these things is because it works for our family.

I don't think putting your baby on a schedule is such a terrible thing though. One of my good friends has two boys (ages 3 and 1) who are on a schedule. She waited until they were 6 or 7 months to do a napping and eating schedule with them. Even though she has her boys on a schedule she is very much an AP. She still wears her boys, she is still nursing the younger little boy, she uses gentle discipline, etc. Her boys are the sweetest little boys. I don't think AP has to be all or nothing. I don't like to judge other people for their parenting styles just like I don't like people to judge me. I truly believe that parents do the best they can for their children whether everyone else thinks it's right or not.

tokenhoser · July 2012

skibunny59:
I don't think putting your baby on a schedule is such a terrible thing though. One of my good friends has two boys (ages 3 and 1) who are on a schedule. She waited until they were 6 or 7 months to do a napping and eating schedule with them. Even though she has her boys on a schedule she is very much an AP.

Babies tend to put themselves on a schedule between 6 and 9 months. It's not the same as refusing to feed your newborn until 3 hours have passed. I judge the hell out of that, and I don't apologize to anyone for it. It's wrong to withhold food or affection from your tiny baby.

skibunny59 · July 2012

tokenhoser:
skibunny59:
I don't think putting your baby on a schedule is such a terrible thing though. One of my good friends has two boys (ages 3 and 1) who are on a schedule. She waited until they were 6 or 7 months to do a napping and eating schedule with them. Even though she has her boys on a schedule she is very much an AP.
Babies tend to put themselves on a schedule between 6 and 9 months. It's not the same as refusing to feed your newborn until 3 hours have passed. I judge the hell out of that, and I don't apologize to anyone for it. It's wrong to withhold food or affection from your tiny baby.

I'm sorry. I misunderstood your original post. I do remember my friend saying that it was so simple to put her boys on a schedule. One of her sons for the longest time would only nap while she wore him and she said one day she just put him down in his crib and he slept there without crying or anything. I guess he was just developmentally ready for that. So it does make sense what you said about babies eventually putting themselves on a schedule. And you are right that it is not the same thing as not feeding your baby when they truly are hungry.

lizardknitter · July 2012

fredalina:
These days I think about the things that she does that blow my mind. Like how she'll stop and make sure that someone who falls down is okay, or she'll tell me she's sorry I'm disappointed that the waitress brought me the wrong sauce, or she'll stop and take a deep breath and state her arguments for why she wants to do something without whining. Sometimes. I mean, she acts like a three year old most of the time and that includes pushing and whining and tantruming, but she also uses the tools that we've been teaching her sometimes, too, and that's pretty awesome. I think some of what we do discipline-wise is like taking the slow road. It might be easier short-term to gain compliance by spanking or using time outs or whatever, but I think it is helping my kiddo out in the long run by teaching her the skills she needs to do things herself and think through consequences herself rather than constantly impose them on her. There are some behaviors we have to be more "punishy" about, like when she was biting and such, but I reserve most punishment for those huge things like that. Instead, most of the time I try to emphasize how her behavior affects other people, which also means I don't try to influence her behavior much if it doesn't affect other people or her own safety or health. I really think she gets it, but it was tough a year and a half ago or two years ago when she didn't seem to respond to ANY discipline (even punishment sometimes). I'm so glad we powered through .

Mind sharing how you developed some of your strategies? I'm reading Gentle Discipline 0-3 and have Dr. Sears Discipline books. Any other suggestions? I really like your description of how she can state her arguments without whining.

Thanks!

lizardknitter · July 2012

fredalina:
These days I think about the things that she does that blow my mind. Like how she'll stop and make sure that someone who falls down is okay, or she'll tell me she's sorry I'm disappointed that the waitress brought me the wrong sauce, or she'll stop and take a deep breath and state her arguments for why she wants to do something without whining. Sometimes. I mean, she acts like a three year old most of the time and that includes pushing and whining and tantruming, but she also uses the tools that we've been teaching her sometimes, too, and that's pretty awesome. I think some of what we do discipline-wise is like taking the slow road. It might be easier short-term to gain compliance by spanking or using time outs or whatever, but I think it is helping my kiddo out in the long run by teaching her the skills she needs to do things herself and think through consequences herself rather than constantly impose them on her. There are some behaviors we have to be more "punishy" about, like when she was biting and such, but I reserve most punishment for those huge things like that. Instead, most of the time I try to emphasize how her behavior affects other people, which also means I don't try to influence her behavior much if it doesn't affect other people or her own safety or health. I really think she gets it, but it was tough a year and a half ago or two years ago when she didn't seem to respond to ANY discipline (even punishment sometimes). I'm so glad we powered through .

Mind sharing how you developed some of your strategies? I'm reading Gentle Discipline 0-3 and have Dr. Sears Discipline books. Any other suggestions? I really like your description of how she can state her arguments without whining.

Thanks!

Want a personalized experience?

Where do you recharge your parenting confidence?

Re: Where do you recharge your parenting confidence?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards