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Babies: 9 - 12 Months
amr1218
member
Teenage Pregnancy - hmmm
amr1218
member
This is the problem with secrets. Once you hear something, it becomes impossible not to tell someone. Hopefully sharing it here won't get me into trouble.
I just found out that a 17 year old immediate family member is approx. 4 weeks pregnant. I am quite in shock right this second. Thoughts like, no money, no insurance, no job, no car, no license, not in school, not even in a relationship are running through my mind. This cannot be happening.
If you have any advice or thoughts, I would be happy to read them. Everything I type comes across condescending and judgmental. If you have dealt with a teenage pregnancy (either personally or with a family member) I would greatly appreciate your advice. I know I need to be supportive but right now I am upset and in shock.
I still can't believe that I have typed this post. This is completely unbelievable.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Teenage Pregnancy - hmmm
Both of my sisters (older and younger) had kids in their teens. My older sister was 15 when she got pregnant, had him at 16, emancipated herself and worked to support him without any assistance. She's the exception to the rule with teenage pregnancies though, as most kids need a lot of help raising kids of their own.
My younger sister was 17, dropped out of HS when she was just a couple credits away from graduating, lived with my mother on state assistance for a while. Eventually (meaning about 5 years later) she got an apartment, and now at 26 has another son and is still on state assistance but she's working to try to make ends meet as well.
I'm going to say that even with a lot of help at best the situation is doable, but difficult. Having LOs at a young age makes it hard to get to where you want to be in life, but not impossible. I'm looking at it from the perspective of being 1 of 3 girls to wait until later, being settled and married before having a LO. It's not easy even now, but I don't have a quarter of the worries either of my sisters had to deal with being young single moms.
Keep in mind that whatever choice your family member makes, everything will work out one way or another.
Spontaneous pregnancy #1
DD1 July 31, 2011
Trying for #2 since Oct 11
Spontaneous pregnancy #2= Ectopic #2= lost left tube
Spontaneous pregnancy #3= DD2 January 29, 2016
Spontaneous pregnancy #4= Ectopic #3
Spontaneous pregnancy #5= Baby #3 is a BOY!!!
I would wait until you know she will keep it, but she will need a lot of support, even if it's just some kind words. Will she be the best mom? Probably not. But that doesn't mean she will be a bad one either.
No advice here, just support. I do not personally have experience in this situation, but I'm sure that your family member is even more shocked and upset than you are. She needs support (calm, nonjudgmental and rational support) about her options- abortion, adoption, and parenting. I know it is hard for you to accept, but I'm sure she is having an even worse time.
Try to put yourself in her shoes and try to be her friend. Bringing up birth control (or lack of), yelling, and "how could you?!" won't help. I guess all you can do is make real plans with her- set up doctors appointments, set up times to talk to adoption agencies, go to an abortion clinic, look realistically into how she could parent if she decides, etc.
Sorry for your family to be experiencing this, but a LOT of people go through this. God has a plan for this baby and for your family member, you just have to figure out what it is. Good luck to your family.
If the pregnancy progresses, I would support the mom-to-be in being the best parent she can be - either herself in full and/or by finding loving caregivers (family, others). At that age I imagine she'll need assistance to find resources.
I would look at it this way - her life may simply be in a different order. When our child was not born as planned, our life was reordered. So whether much, much sooner than expected or much, much later than expected - not ideal perhaps, but a miracle nonetheless.
It wouldn't be easy and it may not be "pretty" but I would hope for the best and deal with reality.
Unexplained IF/RPL
TTC#1 2003 BFNs, 2004-2009
5 angels above
2010 IVF-PGS-FET#1, DD b. Aug-2011
TTC#2 2012 BFNs, 2013 FET#2, DS b. Nov-2013
TTC#3 2015 BFNs, FET#3
(my 6th and last angel above)
Journey Complete.
I really appreciate all of your advice. Thank you for your replies and for the reality check. I needed that! I guess any shocking news takes a while to digest. I have spent the morning thinking...from this point on it isn't about the conception, but about the future of mom and baby. And I do realize it is very early in the pg. My prayer is that we can all make the best of this.
Can anyone point me to reputable resources for my relative and/or family? I am not the 'touchy-feely' member of the family...it helps if I have something tangible to offer.
This.
I disagree with this. Since she is still early, she still has a lot of choices and will need support to help make them. I would help her educate herself on her choices and voice your support.
Curling Rocks - thank you for sharing. I will take a look at those resources and share them with my DH's youngest sister. (She announced the news publicly yesterday).
Stardust225 - I wish I knew someone personally that would be a good role model for her to talk to. Someone that knows the struggles and who is on the right track - that can tell her what you just typed here. I think she would be more receptive to hearing the importance of going back to school from someone with personal experience. We have been stressing the importance of education ever since she dropped out. It hasn't done any good. If nothing else, I hope this is a wake-up call that she needs to get herself squared away.