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Crushed, but not by the Dx

annibesannibes member
in Special Needs

We had the developmental pedi eval today. As I suspected, my little guy was diagnosed with autism. DH isn't interested in talking about it. I'm interested in finding out a little more about the genetic aspect, and I told DH this. I also said I he didnt want to talk, I wouldnt push and would give him time to process. He pretty much freaked out (not an actual freak out, but my often very flat and even-keel DH got visibly uncomfortable..)  and told me if it's genetic, then we're not having more kids. We've been trying for almost 2 years for a second, and I'm more crushed by the thought of never having another child than I am about the Dx. I knew it was coming. DH has been in some sort of denial for months.  I hope this is a side effect of the shock he received today. I hope he'll at least entertain the idea of more children one day. :(

 

Mind dump over. Now on to plan for the IEP meeting next week.. 

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Re: Crushed, but not by the Dx

  • MirandaHobbesMirandaHobbes member
    I'm not an expert, but it seems like the majority of the time there is not an identifiable genetic componant of an ASD diagnosis. I know there are women on the board here who have found gene duplications, but I don't know how common that is. My point is, having a clean genetic bill of health may not provide any reassurance. We went through all the genetic tests and found nothing. DS was diagnosed pdd-nos when he was 3. We carry a high risk of having another child with ASD. My DH's age (40+), coupled with some colorful mental health histories on his side of the story, do not paint a healthy picture. It's a very tough pill to swallow. I still waiver back and forth myself; my husband is more sure of our decision although we have other financial and job considerations in play. My DH did have a 180 degree turn recently when we had a heart-to-heart about it- he was totally on board until we had some unfortunate financial issues and that kinda drove us back to square one. So yes, I think for a lot of people it could be a lingering issue for awhile. There are no great answers.
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  • annibesannibes member

    Thanks, ladies. I had to run to work after the appointment, so DH got some time to cool. He still won't say much but he isn't in the foul mood he was in earlier, either. Ive had a lot of time to come to grips with this- I work as an SLP in a toddler autism classroom and figured out really early on that my LO would be a better fit in the TEACCH room than in a regular old EI toddler group. And the words "he does have autism" still made my stomach curl a bit, so I can't imagine how it made DH feel. Ugh. The flood of emotion is so bizarre.  

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  • JcrabJcrab

    That's a lot to process! Give it some time for both of you to process your feelings. The finality of being done having children is so hard to face. I just had a wonderful pregnancy and birth and DD does not seem to have the SN that challenge my DS. DH is adament that we are done but I really want one more. With time I will probably realize I have my hands full already. No matter how many children I have, know I will always want more babies.

    Thinking of you during this challenging time. Be patient with yourself and DH. Maybe he will change his mind once he can process the diagnosis. 

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