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Baby Showers
Asking for a shower?
Did people offer to throw you a shower or did you have to ask? To
give some background, I am not super close with my family and seriously
doubt anyone is going to offer to throw me a shower. They also live 4
hours away from me. I am closer with my DH's family however they live
1.5 hours away in the other direction and I'm not sure if they will
throw me a shower either because they would probably assume my family would do it.
They would definitely do it if I asked though. My best friend is closest
to me but both of our families would have to travel and she will have a
newborn. My question is, should I ask someone to throw me a shower? I
have a feeling everyone's just going to sit around and wait for someone
else to do it. I hate the idea of asking but it wouldn't be great not to
have one either. I don't know the etiquette here!
If I do ask, I'm not really sure who to ask
since my family and friends are all spread out within about a 5-6 hour
radius. Would I ask multiple people and have a few showers or just one
and ask people to travel? It would really just alleviate a lot of stress
if someone would offer and then it wouldn't be my decision anymore!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Asking for a shower?
If you have lurked at all on this board (which you should do before you post on any board) you'd know that asking to be thrown a shower is a big huge no no...you should prepare.
Henry Cavill...You're welcome!
BFP #3: EDD 1/10/13 **DS born 12/30/12!!!**
BFP #2: MC 7/2/11 @ 12 weeks
**Missing our February '12 LoveBug**
BFP #1: MMC discovered on 12/6/10
They offered (I turned them down though due to family conflicts at the time). I mean, it was my sister - of course she was going to offer!
I wouldn't ask unless you're super, super close to your sister...families sometimes can get away with that. But just know that you're really asking them to do alot of work, find a location and spend money. Better to keep your mouth silent.
When people ask you if you're having a shower (and they will) just say that you don't know of anything being planned. They'll either offer or you'll need to be okay with not having a shower.
If you think my response was rude you are clearly mistaken, I was trying to warn you and help a newbie out. If you think that was rude you really haven't been on these boards much.
Also, I wasn't implying anything about your personal life so it was pretty rude of you to imply I spend all my time on these boards rather then preparing for my unborn child. You have no idea how much I've been preparing and what I've gone through to make it this far in pregnancy. So please, lurk a bit. Next time I won't bother trying to offer friendly advice.
Henry Cavill...You're welcome!
BFP #3: EDD 1/10/13 **DS born 12/30/12!!!**
BFP #2: MC 7/2/11 @ 12 weeks
**Missing our February '12 LoveBug**
BFP #1: MMC discovered on 12/6/10
BFP#1 on 02/14/09 BIRTH to Mason 6lb9oz on 10/12/09
BFP#2 on 5/28/11 EDD 2/1/12 Natural M/C on 6/13/11
BFP#3 on 1/20/12 EDD 9/30/12 Natural m/c on 1/27/12
BFP#4 on 4/23/12 BIRTH to Isabella 7lb1oz on 12/19/12
Yeah, OP. You might want to consider that before throwing out a snarky response next time.
PPs gave good advice. You should not ask for a shower. Really, though, I wouldn't worry about it so early. No one offered to throw me a shower until I was 22 weeks, and then I had a few offers. I was very surprised. You are thinking about it way to early. If someone offers, great. If not, oh well. Why not throw a Sip and See after the baby comes if you want to get your friends and family together?
Of course it was rude, she wasn't told to go ahead and ask multiple people to throw her showers.
Don't ask for a shower. It is a gift not a an entitlement.
I hope someone offers. But either way, you should register. At least this way, you can use the completion coupon.
Oh, OP... Please.
::shakes head and backs away slowly::
A random note on moms hosting: Well, actually, in my circle, it IS considered incorrect for a mom to throw a shower. I know this is totally weird for elsewhere, so I'm not judging those whose moms do host, but if your mom doesn't want to...it might just be because she doesn't consider it correct (under the same "rules" as "moms don't host wedding showers").
And my main point: Look, I don't care what the situation is. You don't host your own *shower* because a *shower* is a gift-giving occasion. Host a meet-the-baby party or a last-BBQ-without-the-baby party, but don't host your own shower. And don't ask others to host one for you because that's like asking someone to give you a gift--because a shower is in its own way a gift. You wouldn't walk into a store and say "Hey, Betty, I really like that sweater! Would you buy it for me?" Incredibly, your pregnancy and your baby are not, in fact, most other peoples' priorities. I can think of many things far more hurtful than not getting a baby shower. It does suck when others don't take time to celebrate your milestones, but you absolutely should never expect or feel entitled to a shower or any other gift.
Someone in this post has a flair for the dramatic.
Hint: It's not the OP.
::raises hand jumping up and down::
I know, I know, pick me, pick me!!!!
Don't be bummed just yet! There is still plenty of time. I wouldn't ask but do prepare yourself emotionally in the event you don't have a shower. To keep your mind off of things you can start registering so that you and DH can be prepared for what you will need for baby. It's so much easier because then as you buy you can have things taken off the list and it is a great way to keep track! Just buy the things you'll need right away so you won't be so overwhelmed. The high chair and big boy/girl car seat and all of that can be purchased as you go. I would hold off buying until you are closer to your due date.
Where I'm from 90% of the time of mom and mil throw the shower and maybe sister's of BFF just help out. Especially for wedding showers because the bridemsid's already have to pay for their dress, shoes, hair and make up and that usually averages to be about $350 - $550 so to ask the bmaids to chip in on a $3-4k shower isn't going to happen!
Don't let this get to you! Enjoy your pregnancy and prepare for your lil miracle!
Goodness gracious. Please stop.
I thought perhaps our families might be embarrassed if no one threw us a shower and it might be better to ask.
I genuniely don't understand this. Your family would be embarassed if no one threw you a shower? Huh? What does you having or not having a shower really have to do w/ them? And if they would actually be "embarassed" by this (again...huh?), then someone in your fmaily can step up and offer to throw you one!
But truly - that makes no sense.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
No asking.
I was almost 20 weeks when my friends said they were hosting me one.
The one that MIL threw for me at 26 weeks was a surprise. And the work one was a surprise too, at 30 weeks.
Be patient. My sister offered to throw me a shower at 24 weeks. People have a lot going on, especially in the summer, and don't spend nearly as much time thinking about what is going on in our wombs as we do. But the bigger the bump gets the more they realize a baby is on the way. I had several people ask if I was having a shower before hand and I would simply say that I didn't know, depended on if someone offered one.
That being said, a shower is a gift, not a right of passage. No one is entitled to one. Parents should plan on buying everything a baby needs and if someone is gracious enough to want to give a gift during the pregnancy or after the baby arrives, it is just that, a gift.
And I pray that you get a life and get over yourself.
First world problems, people.
I am 26-ish weeks and nobody has offered. That either means nobody has thought of it yet or it means it's a surprise. Either of which is fine with me.
At 12 weeks, you can hint like mad and see what happens.There is no rush.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Holy hell. We spent less than 3 hundred on my sister's shower. We had a full spread & fresh flowers & gift bags too.
Oh, good Lord, really? Yours is a seriously sheltered life if not getting a damn baby shower shattered your world. And it's not anyone's responsibility to make you feel important.
Don't be such a ninny.
OP, asking people to give you a shower is rude, gift-grabby, and awkward. And no, I'm not snarking at you. And it's early yet--someone probably will ask you before long, and even if no one asks, you can always throw a simple Meet the Baby party after your kiddo arrives (those are much more fun for everyone involved than a shower anyway)!
P.S. I won't get a baby shower; I'm having a Greet the Baby party after she arrives. It's really not the end of the world if you don't get one!
Ditto. I've never heard of a mom hosting a baby shower for her daughter in our area.
BFP #1 9/7/10, EDD 5/14/11, Violet born 5/27/11.
BFP #2 4/9/12, EDD 12/16/12, M/C Rory 4/24/12.
BFP #3 10/6/12, EDD 6/16/12., Matilda born 6/17/13.
I have been to some nice showers, and not one has cost anywhere near that much money. That just makes me think the hostesses are terrible with money or thieves or something.
BFP #1 9/7/10, EDD 5/14/11, Violet born 5/27/11.
BFP #2 4/9/12, EDD 12/16/12, M/C Rory 4/24/12.
BFP #3 10/6/12, EDD 6/16/12., Matilda born 6/17/13.
It is a shower not a wedding, why would anyone spend that much?
I have to admit I have not read the other responses. This is my opinion regarding your question.
Do not ask someone to host a shower for you...it is rude since it would be the same as asking them to buy you a present.
If anyone asks if you are having a shower (which will happen most likely when you are in your 3rd tri) just tell them that so far no one has offered. That might put an idea in their head. Since you are not close to your family (I believe you mean relationship wise...not just distance) you probably won't be getting an offer from that direction, so don't hold your breath. Most likely your DH's family or your best friend would be the most likely people to offer to host a shower. Wait for them to offer though.
It is not the end of the world to not have a shower. If that happens to you, you and your DH can host your own "meet the baby" party. You send out invites but it is not a shower so people are not obligated to bring the baby gifts (although most of them will).
I hope it all turns out well for you and you get the shower you'd like.