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November 2012 Moms
How far do you live from your parents & in-laws?
Right now I live right down the street from my step-mom (which I LOVE) and about 10 minutes away from my in-laws (Which I absolutely dislike completely). My husband and I are planning on starting our search for a home in a little less than a year and a half so we're starting to contemplate on picking somewhere to relocate, granted he gets a job there. My question about about distance is, how far do you live from your parents and in-laws, what pros and cons are there to the distance in your situation, and what ways do you have to make it easier if you live farther away? I love living by my step-mom but I really don't like this area, and want to move somewhere that my husband and I both like and that has a great school district and such but that might mean putting some distance between this town and wherever we pick to settle down. The place we are contemplating the most is 4 hours away, and I know we have a while to pick but I would love to have a general idea in mind. I would love some input on those who live 3+ hours away and get some advice on how to make the relationship still great even though there's some distance. Thank you!!
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Re: How far do you live from your parents & in-laws?
We live in the Seattle area. My MIL is in Denver, and my parents are in NE Ohio. So...pretty darn far away.
Benefits to the huge distance...when we do get to spend time together, we really tend to appreciate it more than I think some families do. My relationship with my MIL is pretty good, probably due in part to the fact that I don't spend a ton of time with her.
Negatives...well, I think those are probably pretty obvious. We just don't get to see family very often. The last few years, we've seen MIL once or maybe twice a year. I typically see my family two or three times a year (though one of those trips I usually make without DH). Now that we have a baby on the way, I'm really worried that he won't really get to know my family. (We're planning on moving back to Denver within the next year or two, so I'm not as worried about DH's family.)
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We live in E. Washington. My parents live in SoCal and his parents live in S. Florida. We don't have any family within 5 hours.
Pros: There is little interference in your life. This was really great when we were first married, we were able to shape our marriage without a lot outside influence. I imagine it will be similar when we have our baby.
People schedule time to spend with you rather than just dropping by. When people come out you plan things and spend quality time together.
You really cherish the time you spend with your family.
It helps if you or your husband can only take so much of the other person's family to live further away. We, for the most part, enjoy each other's families. Unfortunately we hate where they live.
Cons: You don't have family members to rely on for all of those little things like babysitting, housewatching, etc.
You miss your family for holidays or shell out money and vacation time to see them.
You miss important things, like births, weddings,graduations,and kids growing up. You will probably try to make most of them, but it is nearly impossible to make them all.
My parents are 20 mins away and the in-laws are 45 mins away.
Pros: DD has a great relationship with both sets of grand parents since we see them so often, my mom can easily step in and look after DD if she is sick and can't go to daycare, DD can have sleep overs at either grandparents and give us the night off / babysit for an evening, I never have to have the in-laws or parents over for any length of time since they are so close (ie visits are usually day visits not a week or couple of nights).
Cons: Since both sets are so close they expect us for every holiday (this happened even before DD). So we have to make it work between the families so that we see both sets on thanksgiving, easter, christmas, etc. Just means we feel like it's not a long weekend for us and spend the holidays going between the 2 sets and I am yet to be able to do those dinners at my house.
We are an hour from my parents and 6 hours from DH's. DS gets to see my parents once every two weeks so it's really great. My brother and sister are both in the same city too.
DH's family being 6 hours away is tougher. We've made four trips to see them over the past year. Another 'downside' is my MIL is retired so she's able to come and stay for a week at a time. That is quite draining on us. She wants to come stay for two weeks when new baby is born. That will not happen! I would go crazy.
We are 2 hours from my parents, and 4 hours from his. I wish we were closer to my parents because my mom would be able to help with our baby (basically no daycare needed). My mom was a SAHM for me and my older brother who is 12 years older than me and currently has 3 kids. My my mom was basically their "daycare" growing up and she loved it. She says she wishes she could do the same for us, but a 2 hour drive is not feasible. She is still offering to come and help whenever we need, but the though of paying for daycare is giving me a rash right now lol. My brother had it made!
I like that we are 4 hours from his family because there are no surprise visits and when we see them it's usually for only a couple of days at a time. They aren't as "easy going" as my DH and I so small doses of them is good for both of us.
I wish we lived within 30 minutes of my family, but life happens. GL!
My parents are right next door. H dad is six hrs away and H mom is ten hrs away. Of course it's his family's first grandchild so his mom is kinda hating the distance.
We moved back to ky (where my family is) two yrs ago, we did live 10 mins from his dad and four hrs from his mom, six hours from my parents.
We will Skype and try to do the best we can with his mom, not sure much about his dad cause his life's screwed up right now and we don't want anything to do with his new lady.
No Christmas trip up north for us this year though!!
We live next door to my in-laws. My parents are both deceased, and my husband is their only child, so it works for us. And they are going to babysit for us when I go back to work, so it will be nice just to walk right next door. I know that isn't ideal for everyone though. Goodluck with the house hunt!
My dad died when I was 17. My mom died when I was 22. I'm 33 now. My stepmom and I don't speak. She lives in Chicago. My stepdad is great but not helpful. He lives two hours away. My IL's live 6 hours away by plane, but they come here for the winter every year. My brothers live on LA and KC. My SIL lives two hours away and BIL is a five hour flight. I liked not having anyone around to "steal" my newborn when he was born. But I'd have liked to be able to call my mom for advice. MIL is great, but she's not my mom.
ETA: living far away is great. No drama. No interference. But also no help or date nights. We have no resources for a sitter, even a paid one. Skype is great. DS knows all the families through it.
1000 miles or 3 states from both. I love when my parents come visit. ILs haven't yet.
ETA: pro we love far away
Con: I have to entertain them if they come visit, and they can't just go home.
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DH and I live about 12 hours from his family and we are about 14 hours from mine. Some days are hard; however, I love being for away because you can structure your family with how you desire.
Three Hours for both families.
The pros and cons have been stated for the most part for us. My brother and my husband's sister live in our town so we'll still have cheap babysitting!
We are about 16 hours away from my parents, 20 hours away from the in-laws. Personally, I like the distance, but maybe I'm just used to it.
Both grandmas live a plane ride away on opposite sides of the country. My dad lives 30min-1hr away from us depending on traffic.
I love being away from one of the grandmas. We see her 2-3x a year for about 5 days each visit. This is a good thing. Nice and short is best. (My mom)
The other one comes and stays with us for a month at a time 2x a year with a couple shorter visits tossed in. This is also good since I like her and she's actually helpful. (MIL)
Having them visit means houseguests - which can be a negative. Sometimes it's easier if everyone goes home at the end of the day.
On the other hand, I LOVE that my dad can pick the kids up from daycare once a week to play with them and takes them one night a month so we can sleep in.
There really are pros and cons to each side - and it depends on the personalities involved!