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Baby Showers
NewlyWeds13
member
A different twist... friend at work asked me to "host" a shower she wants to pay for? LONG
NewlyWeds13
member
in Baby Showers
A friend of mine from work asked me if I would be willing to help her out. As a side note... She is pregnant with her first and she and I hang out after work (go to dinner with our husbands maybe 5 or 6 times a year) and catch lunch a few times a month. So she is a friend, but not a close friend.
I said-- well sure, I can listen, what's up and I can try and help out. She then says-- as you know I moved here 2.5 years ago and we have a lot of casual friends, but no one that is super close like a sister yet. You are pretty laid back, so I thought I would ask you this and if I in any way offend you or you don't want to do this, just tell me... but I would really like to have a small baby shower, but I don't want to throw it myself as I think people would judge me. So I wondered if you might be open to allowing me to pay for the entire thing, plan it, but just have you offically host it so that no one else knows that I really planned and paid for my own shower.
She then said that her own mom was deceased (whcih I knew) and her only sister lives in Europe so there is just no one and she really feels like she misses out on milestones and just wants to have the experience, so while she knows she is taking a chance by asking this, she thought what did she have to lose.
I was not sure what to say as I was surprised, but not offended and felt bad for her. She was very guinine, so I said-- well I am happy to help you out with this. So yes-- but I would love to really help you plan and make it like I was hosting and split costs with you as a gift to you.
She said-- that is so kind and generous and shows what kind of person you are-- but I don't want to put you out-- you are doing me such a huge favor by agreeing to host that I don't want to burden you because you feel bad for me.
I said-- well, let's work on the details later-- but yes, I am happy to host.
So now what-- when do I bring this up again? She is due Nov. 1. I am really happy to pay for part of it, and plan, etc. She is a really nice lady who obviously is lonely and does not have a lot of other close friends she trusts and I want to give her this as it seems like it would make her happy, but I don't want to make her upset by refusing to do it her way.
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Re: A different twist... friend at work asked me to "host" a shower she wants to pay for? LONG
I agree with the other poster, and maybe you could bring it up at first as a calendar item, like "I need to mark it on my calendar to make sure I am there". Because if you were "hosting" the shower and couldn't make it, that would be odd.
From there I would say you would like to plan it but would love her help to incorporate things she would like, then you would be making it more about her without just taking over? Good luck, you are so sweet for agreeing to host!!
I agree with the others, that although etiquette would say her asking someone to host her shower might be a faux pas, I do really feel for her having no family close by. Also, if it was me I think I'd feel a bit honored that this person thought of me as one of their closest friends where they would want me involved in a special day for her. You're a great person to agree to help her, and to be so willing to dive in and really be involved in the planning so she doesn't have to worry about it all. I would do the same thing!
It’s not that I don’t like you, it’s that I don’t know you. Stranger Danger.
Aw that's really sad for her : (
I'm glad you agreed to do it. I think you should just have a quick conversation and ask her for a guest list (with addresses or emails), what dates in September work for her, if she has a theme in mind, what kind of cake she wants, etc. Just make it low key and fun, and I bet you'll both have a great time!
I think if you like her well enough, you might just up the offer and tell her you want to throw a true shower for her, and that she doesn't have to pay or plan anything. Say you'd love to hear how she envisions her shower, and then you can do the actual planning...that way she can feel truly special and doesn't have to feel bad in any way for planning her own shower. I realize she might object because she'll think you are only offering because she asked you, but if she's a peach then I think you could just tell her that you were considering offering anyways and just hadn't talked to her about it yet, and that you'd really like to do it for her. I think it would really up your friendship to do this for her and it would be so kind of you.
That said, I would only offer to do it all on your own if you really want a closer relationship. And, like pp said, you can keep the party very nice but modest in price, just let her know a number you can accommodate and you can keep the budget around $100 or so.
I'm glad that you agreed to be the "host" of her shower. If you want to pay for part of it then let her know how much you are able to afford to put toward it. I would certainly bring it up and get a set date to make sure you are available. When you let her know how much you can contribute monetarily and time-wise I would warn her that she should keep it simple (since she is paying for part of it) because otherwise she might as well just use that money to buy what she needs for the baby. Guests are not going to care if they get a favor or not, a $100 cake or a homemade cake, etc.
I had a friend (not close) that was in the same predicament although she did not ask me to host...but once I saw there was going to be no shower for her I told her I wanted to host one. At the time I didn't have a lot of spending $$ but I put on a shower (the dollar store was my friend) for $50 and there were 15 guests there. We had finger foods, homemade cake, punch, favors (chocolate covered pretzels) and games (prizes were scratch off lottery tickets). She was soooo appreciative.
thanks for the responses. The september time frame is a good one.
I will set up some time to talk with her, find out how many guests, etc.
I am willing to spend up to $250 on this... so I can do a lot since we can have it on my house.
DH really likes her husband- so he was all about helping out too when I told him!
It’s not that I don’t like you, it’s that I don’t know you. Stranger Danger.