My sister..... kinda sorta BF related

CFjo2010 · July 2012

I started venting a bit about my sister on the competition thread. It felt so good, that now I want to finish!!

My sister hasn?t been with my niece?s father since while she was pregnant. When she told him she was pregnant he wanted to try and make the relationship work but she told him "no" and had already started dating someone (who is now my BIL). My niece is now 9 years old. When she was born, BD moved back (he was living about 9 hours away) so that he could have a better relationship with his daughter. Admirable, yes? He has been very involved with my niece since she was born. He got married about 3 years ago, and SM has been in my niece?s life since she was about 3. SM is wonderful with my niece, and I really like her. In all honesty, I think my sister is lucky to have BD marry someone so incredible.

The problem is, my sister embodies everything that people hate about BMs. There are a lot of double standards and I find myself fighting with her about her unreasonable behavior quite frequently. She seems to think her DS (who is almost 5) is more important in my niece?s life then BD?s new daughter (18 months old). She has referred to my niece?s sister as her "half-sister" but got angry with BD when he referred to DS as my niece?s "half-brother". She won?t allow BD to keep my niece out of school for a vacation, but then she turns around and pulls my niece out for 3 days and goes to Cabo for a family vacation. Her response to everything is, "It?s different when I?m doing it". Complete hypocrisy. She decided to move an hour and a half away from BD, and then couldn?t understand why he took her to Court to try and stop her from moving. They had only been living 20 minutes from each other, and she saw nothing wrong with more than quadrupling that distance. She throws a fit anytime SM does something with my niece without BD around. Dealing with her is infuriating. Even more infuriating then dealing with the BM in my situation.

Whenever I've vented to my sister about BM's antics, she always says what a pain BM is and how her behavior is going to hurt K later on. Then she goes and pulls the same crap. It has caused a significant strain on my relationship with her, and even my husband has a hard time being around her now. It really sucks essentially hating a family member.

angelamaster1986 · July 2012

Feels good to get it out huh?

My parents got divorced about 5 years ago and the youngest of us kiddos was becoming a teen. My father has since re-married and has a child. I have to listen to my mom complain all the time about how my dad does / doesnt do things and how SM shouldnt be able to babysit on his time, blah blah. I have learned to like the new woman in his life and when my mom found out she was not happy. I have found I cant tell her things that are going on in my situation as the SM because she will agree with me and then be a hypocrite with my father.

I dont know if there really is any solution to this because they seem to be set in their ways but I just try to avoid hearing it.

Kaeldrasmommy · July 2012

That is crap. I know your post didn't ask for advice, but I wish I had some to give.

CFjo2010 · July 2012

Kaeldrasmommy:
That is crap. I know your post didn't ask for advice, but I wish I had some to give.

I don't know what kind of advice anyone could possibly give. It just felt really good to finally get it all out there!

twister22 · July 2012

Kaeldrasmommy:
That is crap. I know your post didn't ask for advice, but I wish I had some to give.

This. Have you ever told your sister this board is a great place to get advice?

CFjo2010 · July 2012

twister22:

Kaeldrasmommy:
That is crap. I know your post didn't ask for advice, but I wish I had some to give.

This. Have you ever told your sister this board is a great place to get advice?

I don't think it would help. She's too stubborn about all of it. Quite honestly, she acts like a jaded BM, when in reality she's the one who didn't want to make things work with BD.

xmaryrickx · July 2012

I think the best advice is MYOB. How she acts towards her ex has nothing tondo with you. And If she brings it up just tell her you don't want to talk about it. Nothing you do or say is going to change her behavior. She sounds like a lovely person :::eye roll::::

Ilumine · July 2012

See I dont put up with that crap, even for family (ie keeping my mother happy by keeping things calm).

Every time she says or does something douch-worthy, why not say "Since I cannot agree with what you are doing/feel here is the best thing for DN, I think its best we do not talk about it."

Then end the conversation, even if it means hanging up or walking away.

You will never say anything that will change her mindset. But that doesn't mean you have to tacitly agree with what she does (which is what happens when you say absolutley nothing at all)....

nor do you need to keep hearing about it.

I do this with my sister and bother about a couple of their life choices (one being when DB's dd was having hearing issues and his head was in the sand).

CFjo2010 · July 2012

Oh I definitely never agree with what she tells me, I am quite vocal about my disapproval which leads to frequent fights. It's really gotten to the point where we only chat at family functions. My father has even started telling her how hypocritical she is when she complains to him about things.

Its hard when someone you used to be so close to becomes this person you just don't like.

bdbelladonna · July 2012

*hugs* unfortunately you can not change her. I hope that someday she wakes up and realizes that shes been horrible

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