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Baby Showers
tetesmama
member
What ever happened to......
tetesmama
member
in Baby Showers
Hi All,
I am just curious and not stirring the pot..... What happened to showers being a surprise or if it isn't a surprise - why not leave the details a surprise? Does the soon to be parent need the stress? Most posts are about stress. If you know nothing about the shower then you won't have the stress. If I had to start picking out invites and favors and so on, then I rather do it myself or not have one. Hostess gifts can be given after the fact if the shower is a surprise.
What are your thoughts?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: What ever happened to......
When were there surprise showers? My mom didn't have one with me, and I've never heard of one.
Though I do think that BTB's and MTB's need to stay out of planning their showers. Everyone is wanting this fairytale event. And it's just a frickin' shower. Everyone is getting too precious about this.
Because people are control freaks and want everything to be all about MEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I had 3 baby showers and did not involve myself in any of them. They were all lovely and dandy and just fine. One of them was a surprise but it wasn't like a "jump out of the walls and scream SURPRISE!" at me. There was a lot of family in one town for a wedding that weekend so my MIL threw a surprise Friday night shower for us.
I agree with the pp that surprise showers are generally not common in my circle and I don't know of many people who would really appreciate that at all.
I am from NY and most showers are a surprise but little by little they are getting away from the surprise factor. My wedding shower was a surprise but my sister brought me an outfit. My baby shower wasn't because I didn't want one but my family drained the life out of me for not want one and I eventually gave in for a small jack n jill style BBQ!
It is nice to hear how other places do things!
My wedding shower was a surprise, which is common in my family. For my baby shower I asked that I know about it. I just felt that it's not like it's a wedding shower where if I don't get all my china it's no big deal...more planning on my end goes into making sure I can purchase any baby gear that I will still need. Also, I live out of state now and have to make the trip home. Other than that, I don't even know the location/theme/time...just the day. My DH is driving me and thinks it's odd that he's not allowed to tell me the location...but oh well my mom wants some element of a surprise I guess so I'll let her have it.
I do think some people are a little controlling when it comes to showers. I think some are like 100% planning every detail of their pregnancy and want to be involved, whereas I just want to eat cake and will show up anywhere that is giving it out
I'll have my fun when my friends and sister are pregnant and I get to throw their showers.
I don't have a problem when the hostess genuinely wants to konw some of the MTB's preferences. She asks, the MTB answers, then they move on.
But I totally hear you when it's about the MTB's having a tantrum because the gift they are being given (the shower) doesn't match their exacting expectations and they get pissed. It's not big enough, or the venue isn't right, or "*horror* it's not the theme they'd prefer!!!!!
Looking the gift horse in the mouth there....
I personally think surprise showers are silly, though.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I have never been to a surprise shower.
Sometimes the hostess likes input from the MTB, other times she doesn't. For one of my bridal shower the host asked if I had any preference on a theme and I gave her a color scheme I'd like but other than that I had no input. For the other shower the host asked my favorite candy because she used that as a favor (one of my favorites and one of DH's favorites in cute boxes). Beyond those details and assisting with guest lists (based on how many guests they could accommodate) I didn't have any say. Both showers were beautiful and stress free for me. Too many women try to get involved in their shower planning, causing them additional stress.
1/12/13 DD was born
4/9/16 DS was born
9/17 CP
6/23/18 BFP EDD 3/4/19
That sounds very awkward and I would have been annoyed if I were in her shoes.
1/12/13 DD was born
4/9/16 DS was born
9/17 CP
6/23/18 BFP EDD 3/4/19
Henry Cavill...You're welcome!
BFP #3: EDD 1/10/13 **DS born 12/30/12!!!**
BFP #2: MC 7/2/11 @ 12 weeks
**Missing our February '12 LoveBug**
BFP #1: MMC discovered on 12/6/10
My shower wasn't a suprise. I'm glad. I asked that it not be. I didn't know any details, like where and exactly when or anything. I didn't pick out invites or colors or games, but I knew the date.
(My bridal shower was very much a surprise, they did a great job. Just NMS for a baby shower!)
I've never heard of a surprise shower IRL, and honestly would be put off at the idea of attending an event where I couldn't be sure the mother-to-be was even going to show up. I think it would also be very stressful for the MTB to wonder if she's getting a shower, wouldn't it?
So far as I've seen on The Bump, they really only seem to take place in NY/NJ/PA.
I 100% agree with you, OP.
I know the date and location of my shower, that's it.
I did, however, stipulate that I don't want the melted candy bar in the diaper game because to me, that's just gross, and that I prefer not having babies/children at the shower because it's at my house which is on the small side, space is limited, and my house is not yet baby/child proofed.
Me: 32 - Stage II Endo / DH: 36 - Low count and morphology (1%)
IUIs 1-3 BFN, lap Dec. 2010, IUIs 4-6 BFN
IVF w/ICSI #1 - ER 2/8: 24R 19M 9F ET 2/13 2-5 day blasts (no frosties) = BFP - b/g twins!
E & C Born 10/19/2012
Around here, it is very common for bridal showers to be a surprise. Baby showers are sometimes a surprise, but it is not that common. In all the showers that I have had a helping hand in throwing, it was never the BTB or MTB's choice.
ETA: Also, I don't think the MTBs or BTBs need to know the details. They should not be involved with the planning of their own shower.
I had a suprise shower when I went to visit my mom and grandma in MO. The two that are being thrown by DH's family (big family so it had to be split) are pretty much suprises. I haven't had any input in the one his aunts are throwing. I just know its at a church, the day and time. My MIL told me where she was booking and asked for my opinions on the food. I also printed out the invites because she isn't very good with a computer. I don't know what games are planned if any or what the themes are.
I would love to have more input because I like to know what's going on!! I don't like not knowing anything. But a shower is a gift so I know I can't have much say in it.
BFP#1 on 02/14/09 BIRTH to Mason 6lb9oz on 10/12/09
BFP#2 on 5/28/11 EDD 2/1/12 Natural M/C on 6/13/11
BFP#3 on 1/20/12 EDD 9/30/12 Natural m/c on 1/27/12
BFP#4 on 4/23/12 BIRTH to Isabella 7lb1oz on 12/19/12
My shower with ds was a semi-surprise, it would have been full on surprise had dh not found out by accident. He was not happy that the planners were going to just spring it on me without asking if the date even worked. It didn't. I had to beg to switch a shift with someone, had I not known that they planned to throw the shower while I was working, I probably wouldn't have shown up. I also had zero input on the guest list. Yep, super awkward being at your one and only shower and not having a clue who most of the guests were.
I still agree with OP, people do get to worked up. Other than hating surprise showers, the rest is just fluff and I'm not to bothered about the details. Let the hosts have fun.
I lived in NYC and grew up and now live in NJ. I've never heard of a surprise shower. However, before TK/TB I've also never heard of the BTB/MTB being involved in anything other than the date and guest list.
My bridal shower was a surprise - and it was great. I had no idea when, where, or any details. BUT I knew when the wedding was and who cares how far in advance of your wedding you get your china set....
My baby shower is also a surprise. I have no idea where, where, or any details. It is very stressful. I am now 34 weeks and I am nesting big time. I have had some complications so my doctor does not expect me to go past 37 weeks which means I'm living on borrowed time here. I still have not had a shower, and now I'm huge so if I want/need to return things, or run out and pick up things that I will need right away I am not sure how much time/energy to get stuff done. I am still working full-time so it is not as if I can just run out any night of the week, I can really only do this kind of stuff on weekends. It is very stressful for me knowing that I am having a shower but not knowing when it is. Plus it is not as if shaving my legs is an easy enterprise at this point so I don't keep them up 100% so even if someone brings me a nice outfit (which they did for my bridal shower) if it is a skirt and I haven't shaved that will be quite embarrassing. I have no idea when this baby is coming, and I need to wait to get some of the things I consider essentials until after my shower (as I was ordered to stop buying things). I would have no issue with not knowing the details, theme, colors, even location fine. But not knowing when my shower is has been very stressful for me.
So my vote - surprise bridal showers = awesome. Surprise baby showers = stressful for the MTB and a bad idea. Difference - gifts at bridal showers are not essentials for the wedding and the bride knows for certain when the wedding is going to occur, whereas MTB really has almost no idea when for certain baby is coming or what complications may arise & the gifts likely include some essentials for the first few days/weeks of the baby's life, which is hardly when MTB wants to be running all around returning things or shopping.
I has heard of surpirse showers (before TB), but I have only been to one, so they aren't every common in my circle. Personally, I don't like surprises and so it would have been very stressful to have it done that way. I know for my showers (bridal and baby) I wanted to dress nicely and pick a new outfit that flattered me. I wanted to look nice and a surprise really doesn't allow for that.
That being said, my co-workers threw me a surprise baby shower. It was very nice and I was very grateful, although I certainly would have worn something else that day. I handled it a lot better than I would have ever imagined, but instead of being nervous beforehand (as I was with my other showers) - I was kind of moody afterwards. Delayed anxiety I guess.
I judt don't see the point in surpise showers I guess. Birthday parties fine. Maybe some other events too, but not showers. That's just me though.
I do not like nor do I approve of surprise showers. I don't like any sort of surprise party though It makes me uncomfortable. I like to be prepared.
However, I have three showers being planned and other than approving the dates, that's about all I know. I was asked if I minded alcohol being served at the big shower (I do not) and that was it. I trust my friends to do whatever they want to do. I am extremely grateful for their generosity.
I agree
I helped pick the date of my shower and that ends the involvement for me. I (and most of my family and friends) work in the emergency services field and we work rotating day/night shifts including weekends. So for us a suprise isn't really an option as we are always coordinating shifts.
I have attempted a few suprise showers for friends and it usually ends up with either them finding out or me finding out that they hate suprises. We had one poor friend believe we were just meeting for coffee and she was so upset with her appearance that day. After that we always agree on dates to avoid the mom to be ending up as the center of attention and feeling as though she looks 8 months pregnant and sloppy.
I'm not an event planner, I don't enjoy the planning process, and I'm a procrastinator to the core. So, when my cousin originally offered a shower (didn't work out because of everyone's summer vacation plans, so she's instead throwing me a Greet the Baby party), I was more than happy to let her do all the work. The only input she wanted from me was to ask me what my favorite cake was, if I wanted alcohol present, my registry info, and if I was still planning on cloth diapering. I'm otherwise remaining blissfully ignorant.
I do think it's perfectly acceptable for the MTB to get involved if she's asked to, and only in the areas she's asked about. The surprise element is iffy; you run too big a risk of scheduling conflicts if you just spring it on the MTB.
As far as I'm concerned, I hate surprise showers. It would cause me more stress then knowing the details of a shower being planned for me. First, I wouldn't know if I was even getting one (a complaint you see a lot on this board) and second, I would hate to show up someplace "under-dressed" with no make - up (that would make me feel very uncomfortable throughout the whole thing) and third, a surprise shower is stressful for all involved (including those trying to keep it a secret/surprise).
As for not knowing the details, I don't think that is normally a problem for most. Obviously there are those MTB's that WANT to know everything and some that are actually "running the show", plus a few who's hostesses don't have a clue and actually need some direction. Some families (when it comes to hosting showers) are just plain dysfunctional and they create all kinds of drama - but if it wasn't about the shower it would be about something else. Most likely it is "normal" for those MTB's to have drama in their lives regardless of whether it is about the shower or something else.
Same here, for my bridal shower and baby shower. Totally NBD. I don't understand showers as being huge events. I would completely side-eye a $3-4K shower.