7 y/o/masturbation -- TMI maybe?

cynnnabun · June 2012

So I always had big dreams that I was going to be so different than my own mom. Open with my daughters and having a good line of communication. But now that we're getting into the territory, I realize I suck. I'm very uncomfortable and unsure what's right/normal and what to say/how to say it.

So here's the situation. My 7 year old daughter has discovered touching herself. I found her using a back massager on herself. That has since "broke" and is hidden but she's now using her hands. When I briefly asked her about it she said she doesn't know why, her body told her to try it, and now it craves it. Her words.

Now from what I can find online, this is normal at her age. But it's VERY frequent. Like multiple times a day. And she doesn't really care where she's at. Couch, bed, whatever.

So, is it still normal if it's so often? And how do I talk to her about this/what should I say? She needs to be in private?

ctbride08 · June 2012

I feel for you, because it can be a very uncomfortable position to be in (as moms, we are just not designed to see our babies in that way!). But, body exploration and masterbation is a very normal and healthy part of development. That being said, I do think its wise to put boundaries around it and to use it as a starting point to have discussions around what is private, and what touch is okay or not okay.

My conversations with my daughter would be something like:

- this is a private part of our body and a private activity so it should be done in your room (not at school/daycare/public areas of the house/ect). because I respect your privacy, I will knock on your door before coming in.

- No one except parents or doctors should be seeing your private areas, nor should you be seeing anyone elses. ect

2brides · June 2012

what CT said.

We've had to have these discussions with one of our sons. We just stress that it is okay to do, but a private thing to do.

neverblushed · June 2012

Basically, ditto PPs.

You want to emphasize the "this is a private" angle and downplay the "this is naughty" thing.

If she's really masturbating several times a day, it might be an indication that she's bored. The transition to summer from the structure of school can be hard on kids this age who need free time, but who also thrive on being active. It's easy to let your hands wander down your pants when nothing's going on. And some 7 y/o kids aren't really good at figuring out how to keep themselves busy. If you're playing, doing a craft, helping around the house, swimming, etc., you are a lot less likely to think, "hey, know what would feel good right about now....?"

Lovely Lauren · June 2012

ctbride08:
I feel for you, because it can be a very uncomfortable position to be in (as moms, we are just not designed to see our babies in that way!). But, body exploration and masterbation is a very normal and healthy part of development. That being said, I do think its wise to put boundaries around it and to use it as a starting point to have discussions around what is private, and what touch is okay or not okay.

My conversations with my daughter would be something like:

- this is a private part of our body and a private activity so it should be done in your room (not at school/daycare/public areas of the house/ect). because I respect your privacy, I will knock on your door before coming in.

- No one except parents or doctors should be seeing your private areas, nor should you be seeing anyone elses. ect

Totally this!

You can't make it a taboo issue or it will become an issue with her later in life. I think telling her that this is private and that no one else should be touching her like that, or seeing those parts except for doctors or parents is exactly what should be done. Good luck, this is such a tricky topic.

cynnnabun · June 2012

Thanks everyone. I found a link lower with some book suggestions I'm going to get and talk with her. I think you've got a point with being bored, also. Hopefully when we talk about privacy and get her doing some structured games and crafts during the day that the frequency will relax.

And hopefully I don't screw this up.

AquaFlowers · June 2012

I tell my son that it's okay to do, but only in private. Kids explore their parts, it's completely normal.

Whoo · June 2012

My 7 y/o does this too. We used all the previous advice. When she first discovered herself it was very frequent and we greatly stressed privacy and boundaries. She is not allowed to do it anywhere but her room. In the beginning, we had to be very firm about this. Now, she seems to get that it is private. She increases this behavior when she is bored. Structured activity and exercise will help.

Temp6313048411121614 · June 2012

Ditto everyone else. My oldest is only 4.5, but about a year ago he discovered his private area. I told him that if he wanted to touch his privates he needed to do it in private (in his room or the bathroom). Honestly, he's never wanted to touch bad enough to go to his room. It took a few weeks, but he doesn't touch himself in the rest of the house anymore (no idea what he does in private rooms).

howleyshell · June 2012

I found that the simple process of outlining that it MUST be done in private (their room or their rest room) curtailed it a LOT simply because they're too busy to be bothered with being stuck in one room for long.

I've caught them on the sofa, reminded them it's to be done in private and they need to go to their rooms and they choose to stop instead of leave. Mission accomplished without any negative stigma being assigned to it.

I'd start with enforcing only her room or bathroom. I think it will drastically reduce the frequency.

superkarynfragilistic · July 2012

ctbride08:

My conversations with my daughter would be something like:

- this is a private part of our body and a private activity so it should be done in your room (not at school/daycare/public areas of the house/ect). because I respect your privacy, I will knock on your door before coming in.

- No one except parents or doctors should be seeing your private areas, nor should you be seeing anyone elses. ect

Exactly this.

peacelove&mama · July 2012

I had the privacy chat with both my kids, and I haven't caught them doing it since. If they're doing it at night in their rooms, or when they're in the tub, I have no idea. Their bedrooms and the bathroom were places I specified as OK to do it, nowhere else.

7 y/o/masturbation -- TMI maybe?

Re: 7 y/o/masturbation -- TMI maybe?

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