WWYD? NBR. — The Bump
September 2012 Moms

WWYD? NBR.

My niece turns 6 on 8/10.  I asked my SIL today if there were any plans yet, as our weekends have been pretty filled this summer.  She tells me that she's taking her DD and 9 other girls to get mani/pedis and their hair done at the beauty school near us, then they're taking 3 of those little girls to a waterpark hotel overnight. 

Since that's going to be so expensive, she's not going to throw a family get together, but actually asked if we'd like to host it instead.  "just something small like a BBQ or something with our family and Chris's family."  Her DH's family has 14 people.  There's nothing small about that when added to our 8.  I didn't get into specifics, but I'm assuming that since she said that they didn't have the money for it that we would be providing the food and what not.  I feel bad saying no and feel like I just need some sort of alternate suggestions before my DH hears about this and flies off the handle.  Thankfully this was all over text, so I can use the "I had meetings all day" excuse as to why it's taken me so long to respond...


Nancy James 9.1.12

Calvin Donald 8.27.14

Re: WWYD? NBR.

  • Manx4Manx4 member

    Uh what?  My jaw dropped open when I read that...she asked YOU to host HER daughter's birthday? 

    I'd text her back and say "We're not in the position to host and pay for a birthday party right now.  But please let me know what date would work for Sally so I can take her out for lunch and a shopping trip" or something along those lines.  

    F that.

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  • imageManx4:

    Uh what?  My jaw dropped open when I read that...she asked YOU to host HER daughter's birthday? 

    I'd text her back and say "We're not in the position to host and pay for a birthday party right now.  But please let me know what date would work for Sally so I can take her out for lunch and a shopping trip" or something along those lines.  

    F that.

    This!

    She is insane if she thinks if you will host her daughters "family" birthday party!

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  • Ummm, no. It's not your place to host a party for her kid, family or not. I'd simply say that with your own LO on the way, you're not in a position to throw a party. I'd suggest a time you can swing by their place to bring her a gift.

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  • imageManx4:

    Uh what?  My jaw dropped open when I read that...she asked YOU to host HER daughter's birthday? 

    I'd text her back and say "We're not in the position to host and pay for a birthday party right now.  But please let me know what date would work for Sally so I can take her out for lunch and a shopping trip" or something along those lines.  

    F that.

    This.  I'd either take the 6 year old to Chuck E. Cheese or a kid movie for a few hours or I'd suggest a potluck gathering with family at a park pavillion. 

  • imageMrsSparklebottom:
    Ew. That's really presumptuous of her to assume that you'd want to do that. I would tell her that you're not really in a position to host something that large (financially, being pregnant, etc.) but you'd love to have her, her H, and the kids over for cake and ice cream or something. THAT'S small, not a 30 person BBQ.

    I'd suggest this or say that you do not really have the time to plan and host a party with the baby on the way, but maybe the family would want to meet somewhere for dinner to celebrate. Then everyone pays for themselves, no clean-up, etc.  

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  • Super WTF.  Especially since she wants you to host HER DH's family, too?  I'd probably just ignore that entirely and ask when it would work to drop niece's gift off to her.
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  • imagemands629:

    Instead, in a few days, text her back saying that you were hoping niece is free on X night because you would love "to take her out for a special birthday dinner."  My aunts and uncles used to do that with me when I was younger, and let me tell you, I enjoyed those special dinners out so much more than a large family gathering.

    This is a great idea!  Thank you ladies for the suggestions!  My SIL has been realllly weird since finding out we were expecting.  Like "I'm going to steal your new baby" weird, so I just chalked this up to her being more nutty than usual, but still found it to be overstepping, especially since we have only met her DH's family a handful of times.


    Nancy James 9.1.12

    Calvin Donald 8.27.14

  • yeah about that... i agree with everyone, its rude to ask and have you pay for everything. I get it she's your niece but get her a nice gift not a family party.
  • imageMarisaKathleen:

    My niece turns 6 on 8/10.  I asked my SIL today if there were any plans yet, as our weekends have been pretty filled this summer.  She tells me that she's taking her DD and 9 other girls to get mani/pedis and their hair done at the beauty school near us, then they're taking 3 of those little girls to a waterpark hotel overnight. 

    Since that's going to be so expensive, she's not going to throw a family get together, but actually asked if we'd like to host it instead.

    Wow. If I had to choose between throwing my kid a traditional birthday party or doing all this mani/pedi and waterpark hotel nonsense, I'd go with the traditional birthday party. It just seems like a waste of money to me, I guess. :

    I can't believe she asked you guys to host it, though. That's pretty ballsy.

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  • Same as everyone else is saying...maybe tell her you could do cake and/or ice cream but are saving money for your baby, so you can't cater the whole thing. 

    I really can't believe she'd ask something like that from you, especially saying that money is the issue. Maybe let her take 1 or 2 friends for manis and hair, not so many. Yikes.

    If you really want to host the party for her, make it a potluck. Then you're not responsible for making food for almost 30 people.  

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  • Wow....just wow.....it'd be one thing if she said if you want to do a family thing you'll have to host, but to actually say, but don't forget Dh's family...wowsers....

    DH's brother has stopped having birthday celebrations for nephew primarily because nephew wants other things (this year it was laser tag with his friends)....DH always takes a day and take nephew to a local amusement park just the two of them....nephew loves it and actually looks forward to it every year because he doesn't get to do stuff like that a lot and he really enjoys the time with DH.  I would find something that either you (or you and DH) can do with her to give her a special outing/day.

    Also, pregnancy is a fabulous excuse not to do things!   

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  • imageMarisaKathleen:
    imagemands629:

    Instead, in a few days, text her back saying that you were hoping niece is free on X night because you would love "to take her out for a special birthday dinner."  My aunts and uncles used to do that with me when I was younger, and let me tell you, I enjoyed those special dinners out so much more than a large family gathering.

    This is a great idea!  Thank you ladies for the suggestions!  My SIL has been realllly weird since finding out we were expecting.  Like "I'm going to steal your new baby" weird, so I just chalked this up to her being more nutty than usual, but still found it to be overstepping, especially since we have only met her DH's family a handful of times.

    My little sister is being "steal your baby weird" too... Apparently she's getting a nursery ready at her house,,. Wth? She lives 45 min away so it's not like she will be babysitting on the regular. Weirdos., 

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    imageMrsSparklebottom:
    Ew. That's really presumptuous of her to assume that you'd want to do that. I would tell her that you're not really in a position to host something that large (financially, being pregnant, etc.) but you'd love to have her, her H, and the kids over for cake and ice cream or something. THAT'S small, not a 30 person BBQ.

    If you're up for it, I think this would be a great alternative.  The only problem is if you think she'd invite more people without clearing it with you first, which seems like something she would do.

    Otherwise, like PP said, tell her you're not in a position to do that right now and ask when you could drop off the gift or take your niece out for a special birthday dinner/shopping trip.

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  • imageManx4:

    Uh what?  My jaw dropped open when I read that...she asked YOU to host HER daughter's birthday? 

    I'd text her back and say "We're not in the position to host and pay for a birthday party right now.  But please let me know what date would work for Sally so I can take her out for lunch and a shopping trip" or something along those lines.  

    F that.

    This exactly. That was very bold of her to assume you'd be willing and able to host her daughter's family birthday party. Lamesauce. 

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  • Tell her you're afraid to commit to that because you haven't been feeling well, but you were hoping to find out when Niece is free so you can do something special with her.
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  • imagemelody921:
    Ummm, no. It's not your place to host a party for her kid, family or not. I'd simply say that with your own LO on the way, you're not in a position to throw a party. I'd suggest a time you can swing by their place to bring her a gift.

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  • Wow. Just...wow. SIL should've thought about all that before she decided to book mani/pedi dates for 9 girls and a night at a waterpark hotel. My family's doing a mini vacation to Great Wolf Lodge this upcoming weekend, and that ish is NOT cheap per night.

    I'd be tempted to ask why in the world it would be my family's responsibility to throw her daughter's birthday party, but that probably wouldn't go over well. I like the suggestion of taking the niece out to dinner yourselves - my extended family also used to do this when we all lived in the same place, and it was a lot of fun.

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  • No I would not find myself 30 something weeks along hosting someone elses child's Birthday party.  Maybe if it was my less fortunate niece who never gets a party I would.  But that is pretty presumptuous of her to ask you to do that after she's pretty much having a birthday something for the kid.  I'm having one on the weekend of Aug 4th for my OWN two kids and its only a joint party because I'll be nearly 35 weeks along and not about to host 2 summer parties while pregnant. 

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  • Say what? 

    No.

    What did you say to her? Good lord, what is wrong with people? 

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  • Seriously?? Kudos to you for not texting back something snarky! Just drop your niece's gift off at their house or take her out for dinner as PPs have suggested. How could anyone be clueless enough to think that's ok?
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  • imageManx4:

    Uh what?  My jaw dropped open when I read that...she asked YOU to host HER daughter's birthday? 

    I'd text her back and say "We're not in the position to host and pay for a birthday party right now.  But please let me know what date would work for Sally so I can take her out for lunch and a shopping trip" or something along those lines.  

    F that.

     

    DITTO. BIG FAT HELL NO. Take the kid out on your own to do something nice together. You are Pregnant. It will be FLIPPING AUGUST. You do not need to host anything.  

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  • Here's the kicker--she went to my DH, who called me when he got out of work.  Apparently I didn't respond in enough time!  Good Lord.  He put the kabosh on it and told her she should be an adult and quit asking people for money and that we'll drop niece's gift off that evening since the waterpark is around 20 minutes from our house.  Jeez.

    This is unfortunately not the first time we've been asked for money.  My SIL is notorious for being a mooch.  I think it's sort of weird to have a party that big for someone turning 6....I don't know because i'm a FTM, but it seems odd to me that you'd have something that elaborate and not consider when you're going to host your family.  It's totally not a big deal if she didn't want to have a family party, but then just say that.  Don't try and pawn it off on someone else!  I'm just waiting to see if she's going to ask her other sister now too...


    Nancy James 9.1.12

    Calvin Donald 8.27.14

  • imageMarisaKathleen:

    Here's the kicker--she went to my DH, who called me when he got out of work.  Apparently I didn't respond in enough time!  Good Lord.  He put the kabosh on it and told her she should be an adult and quit asking people for money and that we'll drop niece's gift off that evening since the waterpark is around 20 minutes from our house.  Jeez.

    This is unfortunately not the first time we've been asked for money.  My SIL is notorious for being a mooch.  I think it's sort of weird to have a party that big for someone turning 6....I don't know because i'm a FTM, but it seems odd to me that you'd have something that elaborate and not consider when you're going to host your family.  It's totally not a big deal if she didn't want to have a family party, but then just say that.  Don't try and pawn it off on someone else!  I'm just waiting to see if she's going to ask her other sister now too...

    Good! That biitch sounds crazy asking you to throw her kid's party, so I'm glad someone told her about herself. Wtf is wrong with her?? 

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