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Adoption
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im a BM-My adoption agency wont let me contact the AP? help
Well im 16 weeks and 5 days pregnant im almost 90 percent sure im choosing adoption through various reasons please dont judge me! Ive met with an agency and reviewed multiple books letters etc there is always one family i just love. They have alot of the same beliefs and an amazing family that i would love my child to be apart of. Too many details to be listed. However, my agency wont let me contact them yet. Why? I have 3 weeks before my gender US and id love them to be there but i would actually like to get to know them personally before so its not awkward? i read their parent profile journal religously so i feel like i know them but its still diffrent. any suggestions? What if someone that is further along than me finds them and picks them before me?
Ugh so much anxiety!!
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Re: im a BM-My adoption agency wont let me contact the AP? help
There are lots of reasons that the agency might not let you speak to them yet. Some agencies have rules that you can't match until x-weeks or perhaps you are right that they sense you aren't ready to make a decision.
Regardless, I'd cut and paste what you wrote here and ask them for a specific explanation. It may not make them change their stance but it will let you know why they won't help you.
Sorry you are frustrated... I wish you the best in your journey.
No judgment. I think it's wonderful and brave that you're strongly considering adoption for your child.
Your agency may have a policy that they don't match families until the expectant mom is farther along. They may have had a lot of situations where the e-mom picked a family early on, but changed her mind about the adoption before the birth. They may want to protect the prospective adoptive parents from that happening, so they may want to wait until you're farther along.
But I would just flat out ask them. They should be able to answer a direct question. if not, you may need to look elsewhere.
GL and let us know how it turns out.
ETA: Adoptive parents may want to be included, but they also are doing sort of a dance with you. How involved to be without overwhelming you, how much communicaiton is not enough, too much, just right. I can see you wanting to reach out to these people, and I think that's great. But I will reiterate that you need to ask the agency why.
Application approved Dec '11
Mar '12: Homestudy interrupted by change in Uganda requirements - where do we go from here?
After searching and searching, back with Uganda but with our homestudy agency's program.
Homestudy complete July 19
USCIS I-600A submitted July 20. Biometrics appointments arrived Aug 17; fingerprinted Aug 21; 171H received Sept 25th. On the wait list Oct 1st: #18. By Jan 25th, we're #13!
Come home, baby A!
Thanks for the input everyone. I can underrstand trying to save the AP from future heartache. I just think it would be easier to make a decision after i met them versus reading their thoughts in a journal. Even emailing back and forth im not sure. Just frustrated but ill meet with the agency again Friday if i dont get an answer im gonna look elsewhere probably
I would be sad for you if you have to look elsewhere, since you really like this couple, but understand. We met our BM a couple of weeks ago and she is not as far along as you are now or perhaps you are both due around the same time (mid-december). Perhaps a private adoption would allow you to meet the AP first to make sure you are comfortable with them before making your decision. There are plenty of AP on line that you may find you like. I honestly don't know how you BM's make your decisions on AP and give you alot of credit for doing so. GL.
Welcome to the group!
Different agencies have different policies about when in the pregnancy they'll allow an expectant mom to meet or match with an adoptive couple. I agree with the previous posters who mentioned asking your counselor about their specific policy and explaining to them why you feel strongly about meeting the couple.
The agency we're working with is a huge believer in open adoptions and in keeping everything open between expectant moms and adoptive couples. Our email address and toll-free number is listed openly on our adoption website and profile so that expectant moms can contact us as they wish without having agency permission first. So, it's hard for me to fully understand why your agency won't let you contact the couple, especially since you like them so much.
Definitely tell the agency how you feel. Also, keep in mind that you are not tied to a specific agency and are able to work with any agency that you choose. But, if you really like this couple's profile, then you may need to "tough it out" with the agency until they'll allow you to contact and meet them.
Good luck!!
Not sure of the agency you are eith but I know American Adoption may note an expecting woman's AP selection but if it is early in the pregnancy or the expecting woman has just come to them and still fformulating her adoption plan they will hold off on making the match official or if the agency has suspicion that the expecting woman may not go through with an adoption plan they may hold off on introducing the APs into the situation.
While this practice may seem absurd to you and others this is done to give expecting women the opportunity to work through the stages of their decision (do many women think adoption is the only path for them only to realize once they say the words out loud that they have other options), or the wait is for the agency to evaluate the expecting woman and to help protect the APs from dusruption or money loss.
Good luck!