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how often do you visit the cemetery?

lrichmond86lrichmond86 member
in Late Term and Child Loss
I've been feeling really guilty for not visiting baby Gary's grave as often as I used to.  We didn't go on his 6 month angelversary because we were leaving for our anniversary trip and now his 7 month just passed and I realized I still hadn't been.  It's not that I don't think of it... I think about going every day.  But when I go it puts me into such a funk and it can last two or three days.  When I'm feeling bad I don't want to go because I'll feel much worse after, and when I'm feeling good I don't want to go because I want to make the good feelings last as long as possible.  Is this kind of normal?  Do other people feel this way as they get farther out from their loss?  I feel like a bad mommy for not bothering to go...
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Re: how often do you visit the cemetery?

  • pottermommypottermommy member

    I do not go as often as I used to.  Infact I did not go on her birthday b/c I just could not face it. 

    You aren't a bad mommy, I go switch out her flowers with the season and that is about it.  I go for Mother's day.  (but my mama is there too) I will probably go on her angelversary.  I think it will depend on how I am holding up I don't go when it hurts too bad to leave her there.

    You are an amazing mama, remember his memories are his life, they are the part of him that exists with you forever and ever.  THey do not live at his grave.

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  • Gizu92708Gizu92708 member
    I spent the first 3 months after Enzo passed without going. I couldnt do it. Now we go every 2 weeks, on sundays. I love going but when I leave I always leave being a big sobby mess. Its hard. Dont feel like a bad momma for this. I think we all go through this at some point. ((HUGS))
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  • Gizu92708Gizu92708 member
    I spent the first 3 months after Enzo passed without going. I couldnt do it. Now we go every 2 weeks, on sundays. I love going but when I leave I always leave being a big sobby mess. Its hard. Dont feel like a bad momma for this. I think we all go through this at some point. ((HUGS))
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  • ally2011ally2011 member

    I have been 4 times - my due date, Christmas, Easter and her birthday.  My daughter is not there, she is with the Lord.  The grave is for me to have something to do on occasions when I should be doing something with my daughter.  For example, I made a special arrangement for her grave for Easter.  

    There is no right answer to this, but I definitely do not think you need to feel guilty no matter when you last went.

    Hugs to you,

    Jenn 

    We are so thankful that our second daughter, Lillian Elizabeth "Lily", was born healthy and happy on February 11, 2013.  We love her to pieces.  

    We lost our first daughter, Hannah Grace on May 4, 2011.  She was buried on May 14 during a beautiful service at my home church. We are grateful that if she could not be here with us, that she is healed and whole with the Lord. We look forward to the day when we will get to meet her. We love her so much.


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  • Jones3265Jones3265
    I have identical twin boys delivered at 27weeks. Baby Jameson just was released from the NICU and our angel Jaxson is in heaven. I feel the same way. I have only been there twice since the funeral. When I go to work I take another way so I can avoid seeing the cemetery. I feel so bad not going but it just takes everything out of me. I think about him everyday when I look at his brother. I spoke with my CNM and she said these are all normal feelings but I just feel horrible giving my living son all my attention. hang in there...
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  • fluttergirlmoonchild79fluttergirlmoonchild79 member

    You're not a bad mommy.

     At first I/we went a lot.  Almost every week.  Then life got busy or I just couldn't bring myself to go so I/we don't go as often anymore.  We went on his 6 month Angelversary but more because my parents were in town for the first time since he passed and we were on our way to the March of Dimes walk and it was on the way. If a "date" passes on a weekend we tend to go but not always.  I went last week but only because we had a showing on our house in the middle of the day and we have a dog we have to take out of the house when there's a showing and there's only so many places you can go with a dog.  I went and visited Magdalina.h's son that day too because they're in the same cemetery.

    I know we all feel like we need to go and are terrible parents if we don't but we're not.  Our babies are always with us and I believe that if we close our eyes we can see them and that's better than looking at some rock on the ground or in a wall.

     

    In memory of Corbin Scott 10/28/11-12/3/11. Heaven got another angel the night you left this world behind Heaven got a little better the day it took you away from me Missing you tonight, see you again sometime For now I'll close my eyes and dream of heaven tonight I'll love you forever I'll like you for always Now and Forever My baby you'll be

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    corbinsmommy.blogspot.com


     

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