What questions to ask?

Re: What questions to ask?

• KyleTrigger

  July 2012

  My first consultation was a little overwhelming but it helped me to see mistakes I was already making and things I could do to ultimately get the thing that is most important to me and that is primary custody of my two children. There wasnt really anything set in stone except for she sort of laid out how things were going to happen and warned me in my state it can take awhile, CA, but it is pretty fair when it comes to custody and child support.

  Two of the biggest mistakes I was making was 1.) not keeping every single thing in writing about when my EX didn't pick up the kids, left them somewhere when he was supposed to be with them or refused to take them. Like instead of saying oh I have had them pretty much every day for the last 3 months I can say he had them XYZ and give exact dates. 2.) I cannot communicate a frickin single thing to him about court cases, my intent for full custody, etc. I haven't said a word to him and only talk about issues relating to the kids. Its hard for me bc at times I want to say things but i know it will hurt me in the long run.

  It is hard. I was very beat down during the last part of our relationship and afterwards. It has only been about 3 months and we are nowhere near the end of officially being divorced. But to be honest I am starting to get some of my confidence back that I had before and it is making me realize that I deserve soooo much more and better. And that I AM a good mom and CAN do this without him. I wont say alone cause I have a great family and great friends. Even HIS family is great to be honest. But he isn't. And I am in my early 30's. Being unhappy for 30 more years sounds pretty damn crappy to me.

  

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• supermansmommy

  July 2012

  1. The primary caregiver typically gets custody, so in addition to the PP who said write down the times when XH didn't follow through with taking the kids or whatnot, note your daily schedule, the times you care for the child, prepare meals, bedtime, etc, and note the dates you've taken your child to the doctors or have had to take time out of work because your child was ill. Put that down on paper.

  2. Have a general idea of what you want before you go in, many states establish CS based on both parental incomes, so note XH's income and your own so the atty can do a quick calculation for you. But go with a general idea of what you're looking to get out of the divorce, do you want sole legal and physical custody, do you want XH to have visitation, if so what sort of a schedule, do you want alimony, do you want child support, do you want LO (and yourself) to be covered on XH's medical ins moving forward, do you want XH to be responsible for half of child care expenses, etc. Is there any joint debt that needs to be factored in, do you own a home, etc. Note all of these things on paper.

  3. Write out an outline of your relationship, how and when did you meet. Did XH show irresponsible behavior during the relationship (drugs, heavy drinking, cheating, lying, etc). Note the general dates and details of everything that led to you seeking a divorce. Also note how the fights/discussions around separation and divorce went. Was he combative, was he cooperative, is he unstable, is he mean, does he call you names, has he pushed or hit you etc. If there's anything that could be construed as abusive, note it. Be very blunt and honest. If there's a history of depression or suicide on either side, note it. This way you can give the document to the atty when they ask to hear your story and not waste any of that inital hour.

  Questions to ask:
  What does the atty think the likely outcome is based on your wants/needs and circumstances around the divorce?

  Are parenting classes required as part of the divorce process?

  Is a contested divorce necessary? Will an uncontested divorce speed things up (yes)?

  What's their retainer and hourly rate?

  Do they have any alternative payment fee/retainer plans?

  How long have they been practicing and what's their sucess rate?

  Is mediation an option? If so, how is it carried out?

  What will happen after you file? (i.e., when will papers be served and how, does XH have to respond to the papers, when do you go to court, etc).

  Can you get temporary custody and CS orders?

  Can you arrange to have CS taken out via the department of revenue (if this is an option in your state, DO IT!)

  Other good things to do for future appointments

  If you have access to any financial statements to show irresponsible spending on XH's part then bring those (print out records as far back as possible and do it monthly moving forward).

  Pull aside any financial/investment statements, tax returns, W2s for future reference.

  If you suspect XH is hiding money, note it and how you think he might be doing it.

  Pull your credit report and XH's (if possible). Make sure any mutual debt is addressed in your divorce agreement.

  If you've split your property assets already, make an inventory and assign approximate values to everything, what he took and what you have. In divorce the contents of your house, cars, equity, really anything you bought while married is basically money and will be compared in dollar amounts during the financial assessment.

  If XH has agreed to anything (child support amount -if it's more than the state mandated amount, division of property, money and debt, etc), put it in writing and have it signed and notarized.

  4.

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• oswansongo member

  July 2012

  Thank you so much ladies! I have tried to be careful about what I say to my ex, though I am a little worried this will totally blindside him. But I suppose that's the best way. And thank you for all of the questions! This is such a huge help! Some of these things I did not even consider doing...
  

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