I need to get this off my chest (vent/long)

cmiller0623 · July 2012

**background**

i worked at macys for 3 years where i met my previous boss (we'll call her . In the summer of 2010 she offered me a job at her day job (she was part time, i was full time at macys) so she offered me a job M-F 8-5 kinda thing which i jumped on. It was a wonderful opportunity and I loved this job!

Anyway, everythings going great at work, then January of this year we were informed that our little drs office was being sold to the hospital but we all were being "hired" to work for the hospital. Same job, just under the hospital instead of an independent company which again is a great thing!

February I find out im pregnant. My boss B had always been a mother-type figure since we've worked together so long (reference: im 22 shes old enough to be my mother) and she's always said "dont get pregnant till you finish school, blah blah blah" which she had valid points. Our pregnancy wasnt planned so when I found out I was, I made a doctors appointment but there was no way to get to the appointment without telling her. About a week before (I found out and had an appointment 2 weeks later) I asked her if we could talk privately and I told her that I was pregnant. She expressed her opinion, which I respected, and said nothing else about it. She was happy for me, but also disappointed.

Then she starts treating me differently, eventually to the point by April she's completely ignoring me unless its work related. Whenever I would have dr appts with ultrasounds I would bring in pictures and she would refuse to even look at them. It hurt my feelings, but it was just something I had to deal with.

Early April our bosses asked me to come work down at the hospital full time and not work with B (there was no mention to them of the tension, they just needed extra help down here and wanted me to come work) so i haven't had to see/talk to her much since then. She works part time at macys still and so does my mom so I would see her on occasion. She would ask how everythings going and it seemed to me like the whole tension had blown over.

Now we're up to date. lol sorry its so long!

***present***

i sent invitations to my baby shower to everyone up at the old office, since i worked with them for so long and would really like them to be there. One of the tech's came and suprised me at work today here at the hospital since she cant make the shower she wanted to drop off a gift which im very grateful for. In our conversation she tells me B simply threw my invitation in the trash.

Seriously?? I'm really hurt by this but not really surprised. I dont understand why she would still be so upset with me, this is my life not hers and she is certainly entitled to her opinion but to blatantly throw it in the trash where everyone knew it hurts my feelings.

i appreciate you reading this i just needed to get it out.

MomiJerz · July 2012

After reading this twice all I can think is why do you care, she seems like nothing more then a co-worker.

Im sorry it makes you upset but it just doesnt seem like a big deal to me .

kshifftyf28 · July 2012

Why would she tell you that? You could have simply gone through life without that knowledge, knowing that you did your part by inviting her.

cmiller0623 · July 2012

i know im not crying upset, just kind of like "wow...really?"

only reason i care is cause we used to be really close and i just never expected this from her. i just wanted to get it out and i feel better "talking" to you guys lol i knwo in the grand scheme of things its like "oh well move on" but still people suprise me

damabo80 · July 2012

MomiJerz:
After reading this twice all I can think is why do you care, she seems like nothing more then a co-worker.
Im sorry it makes you upset but it just doesnt seem like a big deal to me .

This.

I would just be cordial to her but keep her at arms' length. Friendships and relationships ebb/flow.

Im a bit confused why your friend would tell you B threw the invite in the trash?

weddingnewbie2011 · July 2012

While I have no comment about B's reaction, I too am surprised that your coworker told you on B. there's no reason to tell you that. ((Hugs)) I'd be hurt by this too.

SoEnamored · July 2012

B has no right to pass judgment on your life. You're an adult. Also, as your boss, it was unprofessional of her to tell you when to start a family. Like PP said, I'd keep my distance from her. I'm sorry that someone who you trusted could be so judgmental and hurtful.

I'd want to know if someone who I once thought of as a mother figure just threw the invite in the trash. So, I can see why the co-worker told her. Maybe it's the co-orkers way of telling you to keep your distance from B.

bluecrab1020 · July 2012

SoEnamored:
B has no right to pass judgment on your life. You're an adult. Also, as your boss, it was unprofessional of her to tell you when to start a family. Like PP said, I'd keep my distance from her. I'm sorry that someone who you trusted could be so judgmental and hurtful.

I'd want to know if someone who I once thought of as a mother figure just threw the invite in the trash. So, I can see why the co-worker told her. Maybe it's the co-orkers way of telling you to keep your distance from B.

I agree with all of this. I would be hurt, too. Sorry your feelings got hurt. Just because a relationship is changing doesn't mean it's fun when it eventually wanes.

At the end of the day though, it's your body and your life. B has no right to comment of judge. She should do that behind your back like any normal person!

My coworker says that you are friends with people for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. I've always liked that.

freeatlast2014 · July 2012

I think that B must have some major underlying issues - maybe she got pg and wasn't able to reach a certain goal/s she set for herself, or maybe she had a kid she felt the above happened to, or maybe she wanted kids but wasn't able to have them. In any event, to tell someone (a coworker and subordinate) they should have not gotten pg when they already are is all kinds of unprofessional and inappropriate. I think it's good that the other person told on B so that you now know that it's time to cut ties and just remain polite and, like a PP said, cordial.

MrsW80 · July 2012

I dont know you, but i read your post and felt compelled to comment because it is so very similar to a situation that happened to me. Except with me, my coworker and mother figure was/is actually family...my aunt. My single aunt, who never had any kids. She started acting funny when i got engaged, then it got better, then again when i got married and that too got better. Until i got pregnant with my first son. During that she became so distant, never bothered to come to my shower (this is my aunt!), never acknowledged birth announcements or christening invitations and still to this day has not met my 15 month old son. I want to tell you that I know how you feel and how hurtful it can be. I attribute it to her being so dissatisfied with how her own life turned out that she cant possibly be happy for me and this could be the case with your friend also. Its sad, but its wrong and selfish and immature. My advice would be to keep extending the invites and trying to include her and if she wants to disclude herself, eventually you will tire of her bs and say to heck with her. Thats where i am now. Good luck with everything and dont let her rain on your happiness!

RachelOC · July 2012

I understand and would be upset too, OP. And as for the people questioning why the other coworker told on B, I would have told her too! I may be a sh!t stirrer but that is rude and I would definitely say something.

Honestly, as soon as you said that she became distant, I started having a feeling that maybe B could not have children of her own or something and is jealous of you or how your life is turning out. Otherwise, I can't imagine why anyone would get that upset/distant over someone else's decision that doesn't involve them.

Unem · July 2012

I'm really sorry, I'm be hurt too.

Honestly, I'd be glad that my friend told me about B's behavior. At least you can move on now. If you hadn't known, you might always wonder why she didn't come to the shower, if she still had negative feelings about your pregnancy, etc.

melody921 · July 2012

SoEnamored:

B has no right to pass judgment on your life. You're an adult. Also, as your boss, it was unprofessional of her to tell you when to start a family. Like PP said, I'd keep my distance from her. I'm sorry that someone who you trusted could be so judgmental and hurtful.

I'd want to know if someone who I once thought of as a mother figure just threw the invite in the trash. So, I can see why the co-worker told her. Maybe it's the co-orkers way of telling you to keep your distance from B.

This was my initial thought. It's not her place, or anyone else's to tell you when to start a family. Who knows the reasoning your other co-worker told you B trashed the invite. It doesn't really matter. Now, you know that B is not a friend, so you can protect yourself and keep your distance.

cmiller0623 · July 2012

swseals:
MomiJerz:

After reading this twice all I can think is why do you care, she seems like nothing more then a co-worker.

Im sorry it makes you upset but it just doesnt seem like a big deal to me .

I think the point was that they were closer than just coworkers at one point - specifically until she got pregnant. Because B is older and probably felt like a mentor/mother figure to OP, she had encouraged OP to wait until life is more "stable" to become pregnant, thus was disappointed when OP got KU. This is a generalization that I am making from OP's statements and just the impression I got.

yep thats exactly it! lol i appreciate everyones support. I'm glad I dont have to see her on a regular basis now, but now i know what's going on and I can focus on surrounding myself with people who care about me and LO.

((hugs to all the bumpies!!)) lol

misspunky · July 2012

SoEnamored:

B has no right to pass judgment on your life. You're an adult. Also, as your boss, it was unprofessional of her to tell you when to start a family. Like PP said, I'd keep my distance from her. I'm sorry that someone who you trusted could be so judgmental and hurtful.

I'd want to know if someone who I once thought of as a mother figure just threw the invite in the trash. So, I can see why the co-worker told her. Maybe it's the co-orkers way of telling you to keep your distance from B.

This. As much as it may bother and confuse you, you can't change her actions. It sounds like you have other people in your life that are supportive, so focus on that. Don't let an unprofessional boss ruin this time, especially since you're not working with her anymore.

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