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Having a hard time...

cbmp06cbmp06 member
in Postpartum Depression
I have a dr. appt coming up early next month and I am trying so hard to hang in there until then but I have been having such a hard time.  I feel overwhelmed and at times, resentful.  Then I feel guilty for feeling that way.  I feel bad because I feel bad.  It's like an endless cycle. I feel SO ALONE, like there is no one I can't talk to about this at all, so I don't really tell anyone.  Even if I did, they'd say "Oh but you're a great mom!" which is nice, but doesn't help. I don't deserve my husband and daughter.  I cry more and more every day.  It's just... sad.  My heart hurts. 
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Re: Having a hard time...

  • frecks2112frecks2112 member

    You have 3 other options

    1) call your primary care provider and ask for some medication

    2) go to the ER, if you need help and are considering hurting yourself or others because of how you feel, it's worth it

    3) Call your MH provider and see if they have any "Emergency" appointments, normally providers have 1 a day to fill

    There's a website called Postpartum progress or something that I think has a call line for these types of things.

    I know when you are faced with a long wait, it can make it worse feeling awful and in limbo. Know that it gets better! 

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  • winter-shockwinter-shock member

    I so feel for you. I had a really bad week this week, today I am just finally having a bit of a turnaround. But it took talking to both my mom and husband.  They were getting bad for doing the "oh but don't worry about that..." or "oh you are great at ..."  
    I finally broke down last night and told them both it felt like they were trying to tell me I never felt the way I did and that they were being dismissive. And that instead I need to walk through the thoughts in a process and for some of them know that if they came to be we have solutions. 

    Is there anyway you can get into your doctor earlier?   

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  • cbmp06cbmp06 member

    I just hate calling the dr office and being like, "I need in sooner, there's something wrong with me" Ugh.  I do feel better today and in the next few weeks I have a lot going on so maybe that will keep me busy.  I find that downtime gives me too much time to sit and dwell on things. 

    I so know what you mean about people being dismissive.  Whenever I tell my sister I feel like I'm a bad mom, etc, she says "Well that's just silly!"  I KNOW it is! But I need to talk about it!  It doesn't make sense to me either, so it has to be confusing to everyone else but still!  

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  • katieh1017katieh1017 member

    I would call ASAP. Don't let it go too long you are just prolonging feeling bad. I ignored my feelings for a while and wish I hadn't. This happens to so many people and your doctor is there to help. 

    I talk to DH about some of my feelings and it helps but I always get "you're doing great". My doc gave me a list of counselors and am going to check them out. I personally love therapy, I've been in the past and it's great if you find the right fit. 

    Lillian April 17, 2012
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  • dragossoul84dragossoul84 member
    I would call and tell them you need to be seen because you feel you may have PPD. I felt better when I actually said the words to my OB ( I dont have a primary) no one in the office dismissed me and because they knew it was something serious no one put the appointment off. I felt embarrassed at first but I made myself tell my husband mom and MIL and FIL so they would know that I needed help and help look after me. I love ds and husband I have a good life I felt stupid being depressed but the support I got from my family and dr have been great I think they will need to up my meds but I'm not crying in my room alone any more and I'm starting to be able to really enjoy time with DS
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  • winter-shockwinter-shock member
    imagecbmp06:

    I just hate calling the dr office and being like, "I need in sooner, there's something wrong with me" Ugh.  I do feel better today and in the next few weeks I have a lot going on so maybe that will keep me busy.  I find that downtime gives me too much time to sit and dwell on things. 

    I so know what you mean about people being dismissive.  Whenever I tell my sister I feel like I'm a bad mom, etc, she says "Well that's just silly!"  I KNOW it is! But I need to talk about it!  It doesn't make sense to me either, so it has to be confusing to everyone else but still!  

    It's tough not having someone who will just hear you out. My mom and DH have gotten better since i basically snapped about it. They are good to listen and hear me out and then we slowly get around to what is reality. I haven't been on in a few days but did you get anything figured out? How did your weekend make out? 

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  • winter-shockwinter-shock member
    imagecbmp06:

    I just hate calling the dr office and being like, "I need in sooner, there's something wrong with me" Ugh.  I do feel better today and in the next few weeks I have a lot going on so maybe that will keep me busy.  I find that downtime gives me too much time to sit and dwell on things. 

    I so know what you mean about people being dismissive.  Whenever I tell my sister I feel like I'm a bad mom, etc, she says "Well that's just silly!"  I KNOW it is! But I need to talk about it!  It doesn't make sense to me either, so it has to be confusing to everyone else but still!  

    It's tough not having someone who will just hear you out. My mom and DH have gotten better since i basically snapped about it. They are good to listen and hear me out and then we slowly get around to what is reality. I haven't been on in a few days but did you get anything figured out? How did your weekend make out? 

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker **
    My Blog on PPD and life in general**
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  • cbmp06cbmp06 member
    imagewinter-shock:
    imagecbmp06:

    I just hate calling the dr office and being like, "I need in sooner, there's something wrong with me" Ugh.  I do feel better today and in the next few weeks I have a lot going on so maybe that will keep me busy.  I find that downtime gives me too much time to sit and dwell on things. 

    I so know what you mean about people being dismissive.  Whenever I tell my sister I feel like I'm a bad mom, etc, she says "Well that's just silly!"  I KNOW it is! But I need to talk about it!  It doesn't make sense to me either, so it has to be confusing to everyone else but still!  

    It's tough not having someone who will just hear you out. My mom and DH have gotten better since i basically snapped about it. They are good to listen and hear me out and then we slowly get around to what is reality. I haven't been on in a few days but did you get anything figured out? How did your weekend make out? 

    I actually had a good weekend, thanks for asking :)  I went away for the weekend with my husband and it was nice to get away and relax.  It was the first time I'd been away overnight from DD and it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be!  We were about two hours from home so we could come home if we needed to but she did fine.  I have a little anxiety now with DH going back to work tomorrow and everything going back to normal... we'll see.  Thanks for your reply<3

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  • cbmp06cbmp06 member
    imagekatieh1017:

    I would call ASAP. Don't let it go too long you are just prolonging feeling bad. I ignored my feelings for a while and wish I hadn't. This happens to so many people and your doctor is there to help. 

    I talk to DH about some of my feelings and it helps but I always get "you're doing great". My doc gave me a list of counselors and am going to check them out. I personally love therapy, I've been in the past and it's great if you find the right fit. 

    I've done therapy before but it wasn't a great fit, however I think like you said, if you can find someone you can connect with, it can be great.  That's good you are looking into it!  I hope you can find someone that works for you.  I am considering going back to it myself.  Good luck!

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  • winter-shockwinter-shock member
    Glad to hear you had a little getaway. They can be revitalizing. My Mom and Dad took my oldest daughter for two nights this weekend for me to attempt to catch up on some sleep. It was a nice break, but I did miss her!
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  • cbmp06cbmp06 member

    imagewinter-shock:
    Glad to hear you had a little getaway. They can be revitalizing. My Mom and Dad took my oldest daughter for two nights this weekend for me to attempt to catch up on some sleep. It was a nice break, but I did miss her!

    That was nice of them!  Oh, I know, we had a nice little break but we missed our little girl a LOT! :)  Hope you got to catch up on some sleep! 

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  • barbiescottbarbiescott member
    I think if you're worried about it you should definitely mention it to your Dr. I've had such crazy emotions the past few weeks but it does get better and if you have to get medication it's only for the best. It's not your fault you feel this way but you can beat it. I talked to my husband about how I was feeling and I'm still getting weepy at times, like when I dropped my dinner on the floor last night, but my husband started helping more and it's allowing me to relax a few minutes more a day to keep calm. 
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