I am so against CIO but I don't know what to do next

jb2rn · July 2012

ds has always nursed to sleep. I blame the LC for drilling in my head the importance of putting baby to the breast whenever they ask. I never knew when to stop doing that, and BF was (and is) SO important to me.

So, now he is 7 months old, and needs to nurse to sleep. Which has always been fine by me, since he was only getting up twice a night to do so, and went right back to sleep. Totally manageable to me.

Now, it's been a month of him waking multiple times a night. He used to soothe with his thumb but for some reason, he won't suck his thumb at all anymore. I don't think it's teeth pain, but who the hell knows.

I was up 8 times with him last night. The longest stretch of sleep I got was 2 hours the past three days. I am going crazy.

I just started the Pantley pull off - has anyone had success with this? How long did it take?

MrsCaddyshack · July 2012

I don't have any advice on the Pantley pull off - but are you cosleeping?

I would think that might be a good option if you're against CIO. It would make middle-of-the-night wakings a lot more manageable for you.

Adanessa · July 2012

DD had a month of this too. I still nurse her to sleep and also nurse her when she wakes up at night. So there were some nights just like this where I was up over and over, even when we co-slept it hardly made a difference. I just read about it and I guess I did the Pantley pull off without actually knowing what it was. I was just so tired of being attached to DD all night that I kept trying to unlatch her and see if she'd be OK. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it was a total failure and I started over, waited a little so she might fall asleep then tried to unlatch her again. Now she will unlatch herself and sleep, not ALL the time, but shes been doing it a lot lately. So from what we went through I'd say it totally works. I never really let her CIO, if I unlatched her and she was rooting I would let her latch again because I knew that if I didn't she would cry. She occasionally wakes at night now but not nearly as much.

jenni888 · July 2012

MrsCaddyshack:

I don't have any advice on the Pantley pull off - but are you cosleeping?

I would think that might be a good option if you're against CIO. It would make middle-of-the-night wakings a lot more manageable for you.

This. Nate also gave up on sucking his thumb and hasn't touched a paci since he was 4 months old. We bedshare, but as of late he has had a TON of things going on. Teething, separation anxiety, learning how to crawl, learning how to move into a seated position on his own. His sleeping has been awful. He used to sleep like a rock and now he is probably up every hour or two, trying to practice crawling and creeping around the bed. I have to yank him back toward me and either pat him or nurse him for a few seconds to get him back down again. I imagine if he were in the crib he'd be doing the same thing, except he'd start full out crying instead of whimpering. I think it's just a lot of things hitting him all at once so he's been very fussy during the day and obviously struggling with staying asleep. Hopefully it will pass soon but I feel like it would be much more stresstul for me if he wasn't so close.

Carolyn002 · July 2012

I know every baby is different, but CIO was not that bad with my DD. It took maybe 3 nights and she never cried for more than 30 minutes and it wasn't 30 minutes of continuous crying. We'd check on her every 5 or 10 minutes so we knew she was okay. She was waking up many times a night and I had to nurse her back to sleep. We let her CIO out 6.5 months and she's like a different baby at night now. It's AMAZING! She sleeps through the night and I feel like a much better mama. I read Dr. Ferber's book and it was really helpful for me. I know you can't do CIO if you aren't comfortable with it, but if you can get comfortable with it, it is really wonderful. My DD is still a very happy baby and always wakes up full of smiles, even on those few nights when she cried herself to sleep.

smilelari · July 2012

What we do is when DD wakes DH goes to her and tries to soothe her back to sleep first. If he can't get her to sleep he brings her to me and I nurse side lying and we bed share for the rest of the night. You might have to experiment a little. We had DD sleeping in the co=sleeper next to our bed and moving her to her own room dramatically decreased the frequency of waking

jb2rn · July 2012

bedsharing makes it worse. He kicks, hits, rubs his head side to side and generally is just a mess in the bed.

We have actually been bedsharing more the past month - usually just a part of the night, around 0300 when I physically can't bounce/rock him anymore, it's just much easier to nurse him in bed side-lying. However, I can't really relax when we bedshare and I almost fall off the bed making room for him. I wish we had a king sized bed, I think that would work well.

Thanks for sharing your experiences.

MrsCaddyshack · July 2012

Also, just want to add that it's not the end of the world to CIO. If you decide that makes sense for you, it will be okay!

Learning to fall asleep on their own is a skill a baby needs to learn. Crying is their only way of communicating. Ultimately, your baby will be happier if they are sleeping through the night. Interrupted sleep is as hard on them as it is on you.

brewcitybride · July 2012

There are ways to do cry it out, a term I dislike, slowly and gently, so as not to be traumatic for you or the baby. You start slow, don't go to him, let him cry for a few minutes, see what happens. As you ease back on your attention to him every time he cries, he will start to learn that you aren't going to come to him 8 times per night. If it were me, I would let him cry for at least 15 minutes and see what happens. No, it is not neglectful, and no, you aren't a bad mom. You are teaching your baby that he can't expect you to come to him 8 times per night. That is not healthy for him, and not healthy for you. Everyone needs their sleep!!

smilelari · July 2012

I'm reading through all the responses again. Sounds like you're pretty convinced that nursing to sleep is the root of the problem? If so, I think I'd start there. Nurse him earlier in the routine. Like maybe do something like nurse, bath, jammies, rock to sleep. Or, have DH do the bed time routine for a while. Nurse, then hand DS off to daddy to do bath and putting down to sleep. If you want to avoid dependence on you, you might try something like the mobile or a seahorse or directing toward potential soothers. DD will sometimes go to sleep just watching her mobile if I turn it on over and over again and stand by the crib. She also likes to stroke her bumper (it's textured). You could try introducing some kind of lovey with tags or something soft to rub.

Another thing that worked with DS was laying him down awake and then laying down on the floor next to the crib until he fell asleep. He could grab my fingers through the rail. We did that a lot of nap times around this age.

If you want to get him sleeping more independently, my favorite sleep training method is the Sleep Lady Sleep Shuffle, which is in Good Night, Sleep Tight by Kim West. I like it better a bit later, but 6-8 months is a good window for sleep training. At this age it will likely involve a bit of crying, but LO won't be alone. Basically instead of rocking or bouncing to sleep, you lay them down drowsy but awake and then sit or stand right next to the crib to soothe. The first few nights you can pat if needed, but you don't pick up unless absolutely necessary. Most soothing is done with your voice rather than touch. I can't remember how long you're at each shuffle position, but after a few nights, you move further away from the crib. Now there's no touch because you can't reach, but you're still in the room and can soothe with your voice. Another few nights and you move further away again. Eventually you're outside the room and then one night you'll just lay LO down and walk away. If LO wakes during the night, you soothe from whatever shuffle position you're on. If you're AP-ish like me, this method is more appealing because even if there are tears, LO doesn't cry alone, and like Dr. Sears says, crying alone is completely different from crying with mom or dad there for reassurance. (Note: Some babies do get more worked up with mom or dad in the room, in which case West suggests something along the lines of the Ferber method).

Now, this method, as well as any other sleep training method is really only going to work out if you're ready to completely night wean. And, I would only sleep train if you feel pretty darn sure that the dependence on you to fall asleep is what's causing the waking. If baby could be overtired, teething, sick, uncomfortable, otherwise bothered by his environment, I'd address those root causes instead. And, even if it is nursing, you might be able to remedy a bit without sleep training just by getting dad a bit more involved. Or maybe you can try other methods all by yourself. I know that we tend to get into this routine where I nurse just because it's the fastest, easiest way to get back to sleep, but when that ceases to be true, it's time to try something else

smilelari · July 2012

And I feel like I need to add a disclaimer. I've never done the shuffle this young. DS was 14 months and I could explain a bit what mommy was doing and he could understand things like "mommy's right here, it's ok, night-night time".

jb2rn · July 2012

thank you all for sharing your experiences and the advice!

Smilelari, thank you in particular for that additional tip. Daddy helping isn't optional because he travels for work, as well as doesn't get home until after ds is in bed. He just isn't around enough for me to incorporate him into the routine.

Thank you again Big Smile

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