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FutureMrsElmore
member
I need a little insight, please
FutureMrsElmore
member
I am looking for a little insight on my situation, and I am hoping you ladies can help. I currently have joint custody of my daughter, with me having physical custody. Due to her fathers behaviors, I have hired a lawyer and am sueing him for full custody, with him still having visitations. He currently does not work, and doesn't have a vehicle. He has not paid child support in 2 and half years. This means my husband and I make the trip to drop her off and pick her up every other weekend. That is all he ever wants to see her. He informed me yesterday that he is moving 5 hours away, to live with "a buddy" and he still expects us to make the trip every other weekend. That will add up to us driving a total of 20 hours per weekend, and we will have a newborn of our own soon. I do not go to court to settle the custody case until the end of September, and I do not know what is standard in these situations. I assumed it was normal for the parents to meet halfway, but he says that is impossible since he does not have a vehicle. He is avoiding telling me why he is moving, and who he is living with, and that seems like a very sketchy situation for my child to be in. Never would I tell him he cannot see her, unless I had good reason to, I am not that type of mother. I want them to have a relationship.
What is the norm in this type of situation, with the parents so far away? Would my husband and I be ordered to make both legs of this trip every other weekend?
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Re: I need a little insight, please
Hell no.
That's ridiculous and I wouldn't do it. That's just setting up a precedence that you aren't going to be able to keep.
If he wants to see his child, he can take a bus. Plus, I think that's a lot of driving for EOW.
Not to mention that you don't know who he's living with and everything. That's just sketchy. Allow him to see your child if he comes to you for his normal visitation and keep it at that until court in September.
This guy is crazy!
How are you going to move 5 hours away with no car/job and not giving any information about this "buddy" or the place the child is staying and think it is everyone elses responsiblity?
You C/O really needs revisited. He is moving so he should at least be responsible for half the driving. I would offer an alternative of one weekend a month and two weeks in the summer or something along those lines. Add skype twice a week so they can stay connected.
It is great for you to encourage them having a relationship but he has to do some of the parenting not just rely on everyone else.
If your current CO states that you two have to agree to visitation I would just tell him you don't agree to your child travelling 5 hours away, ESPECIALLY to a home where no vehicle is available to take her to an ER in case of emergency, and to stay with "a buddy" you don't know.
Then I'd wait and let him sue you for custody. Go after him for the backed child support instead.
I would have BF be resposible for transportation. Or, at least he is responsible for picking her up from your house, you are responsible for bringing her home (that way, you KNOW you will be getting your child). Also, if you do not have to agree to EOW, I would not travel that often! I'm not sure how old she is - - maybe a long weekend visit every couple of months.
I would also not allow him to have her unless he provides you with an address, phone number, and emergency contact information. I would also want to know the names of his roommates / buddy so that I could do a check on them. Personally, I would want to take a look at the house he will be living in - even if he provides you an address, I would want to make sure the address is not some filthy crack den.
This.
My visitation is spelled pretty much the same in my CO. "Visitation is to be decided between the two parties, but will remain at the custodial parents discretion". I have only said no to visitation once in seven years, because I feel the same way about DS maintaining a relationship with his dad; but you can bet your behind I would say no to driving 5 hours away, to taking my child to a place where someone else is living whom I don't know, especially leaving my child someplace 5 hours away knowing that BD has no way of getting medical attention if necessary because he has no vehicle.
If you really don't want to deny visitation altogether and he really wants to see DD that badly he will find a way to meet you half way.
I heard from my lawyer finally, and she says the same as most of you are saying. that at most, she will visit once a month, and that if he cannot meet halfway, it is not my responsibility to make the whole trip. We do not have to grant him any visitation until he proves that he is in a safe and stable environment. whoever stated that he can buy a bus ticket and come down here to visit, you are absolutely right.
Thank you all so much for the input, my lawyer said that when/if he actually makes this move, we will meet to discuss arrangements then, and we can take it to an emergency hearing if need be. I am feeling a lot better about the whole situation now.
I am also in shock that while this man is at risk of losing some custodial rights, he decides a move to 5 hours away is a good thing.
She wouldnt see him otherwise, since he doesnt have a vehicle, and his family doesnt support him to help him in anyway. I get the feeling they are tired of his immature behaviors. He actually said to me yesterday, "I am only 27, do you know of any other 27 year olds able to hold down a job in this economy?" I wanted to slap him since I am 25, been with the same company 3 years, and my husband is 24, been with his for 4 years. All i said was, "When you have responsibilities, you have to make it work. I was a single mom with a broken down vehicle making little more than minimum wage, and I made it work. Its about being mature and sucking it up at the crap jobs for your kids." He didnt reply.
no way!
I wouldn't drive 5 hours for him to see you. I also would not leave my child there for a weekend without knowing why he moved and who he is living with. I would document all of this for the court and also say that you would be will to go half way if he was and if he paid child support!