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January 2013 Moms
little bit of a baby shower dilema
ok im in kind of a bind with my baby shower. i desperately want to have one with all my family but they all live far away! i'll be visiting in september for my sisters wedding but that seems too soon to have one. the simple solution would be to just go again later on closer to my due date and just road trip (since i wont be able to fly and will have gifts).. but that may not happen since my husby is in the military and cant just get time off (has to request leave way in advance and have leave left over in the first place) then theres the fact that each time we go home it costs us a lil $$. i really dont know what to do. but i do know that a september baby shower would be bad timing. not only is it too soon since im due in jan but it would really be in poor taste since everyone will be tapped out money wise because they'll all have put it into my sis' wedding. i also dont want to dampen her time. shes the middle sibling and already secretly bothered that i married before her and am having a child before her. call it silly but i want her to have her time as the blushing bride. a baby shower right before or after would overshadow her big day, in my opinion. suggestions anyone?? im running out of ideas on how to do this and i really REALLY want to have a shower since this is my first child.. any feedback would help!
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Re: little bit of a baby shower dilema
Who has offered to host your shower and when have they offered to host it?
Also, I mean this as nicely as possible, if you use proper capitalization it really makes your posts much easier to read.
1/12/13 DD was born
4/9/16 DS was born
9/17 CP
6/23/18 BFP EDD 3/4/19
Agree with both parts of this. Baby showers are like bridal showers, someone has to volunteer to throw the party for the guest of honor. If no one offers to host one for you, you are SOL. And its bad form to ask for one as well.
All of this. A shower is a gift given to the mother. I wouldn't worry about the timing until someone offers to host one for you. I definitely would not want it to be planned around the time of a sister's wedding.
Eh, I don't believe that showers are gifts to the mother/bride, they're celebrations of new chapter in the life of a close friend. Especially baby showers, those are celebrations of a new life all together. I think it's perfectly fine to plan one yourself as a celebration of your child!!
Have you thought about maybe holding one half way between both places? That way you don't have to drive the complete distance, and neither would your guest. You also wouldn't have to step on your sisters toes during her big moment in time.
If someone wants to host one, they will offer even with the distance. If not, you just don't have one, simple as that.
1/12/13 DD was born
4/9/16 DS was born
9/17 CP
6/23/18 BFP EDD 3/4/19
I had a co-worker host her own baby shower... well it was played off that her sister who lives in Chicago and her BIL that lives in town hosted it, but she did everything. Invitations, RSVP's, securing a location, decorating, etc. it was kind of tacky IMO.
You really only need to give in-town guests ~ 2 weeks notice of a shower when sending out invitations. My thought would be that everyone is focused on your sister's wedding in September but someone in your family, maybe even your sister, will offer to throw one in October/November which is still plenty of time.
Also, I'd go ahead with a registry anyways. You get completion coupons from most stores, so that would always come in handy regardless of having a shower.
Also it is early, and people may be waiting for it to be much closer before asking you about hosting. If no one offers by September then I'd ask your sister to do it.(good chance she's planning to but too bustly with he wedding right now) Definitely don't do it yourself. That is tacky (and sad).
And timing wise, are you going home for Christmas? It might work best to do it around Christmas.
I wouldn't have a shower the day before or after the wedding. My SIL did that when we got married. We got married in June and she was due in Sept. I was asked nicely before hand and totally understood the reasoning (the sister planning the shower lives in another country and wouldn't be back again before the baby was born). It still felt a little weird going to the shower the day after I got married and the day before we left for the honeymoon.
And if no one has offered to throw you a shower than it is a mute point. My aunt has told me she is throwing me a shower and we discussed having it in November before Thanksgiving since holidays get crazy.
I'm having my first shower in late August/early September because that's the timing that works out best. A friend is hosting that one for our friends here in Virginia.
I'll have one later in [probably] early November in Florida but the timing will depend on when I can get home.
ETA: I didn't really wrap up my thought. If September is the only time that works and someone is willing to host it in September then I think it's perfectly fine. Most in attendance will be 100% aware of the circumstances that you're traveling while pregnant and that's when works best but I absolutely think you should talk to your sister and see what she thinks. She might be completely understanding [I would've if this had happened for me and my sister] or she might freak out [my sister probably wouldn't be so cool with me doing it the weekend of her wedding.]
Maybe you can stay in town for a whole week and do it the weekend after your sister's wedding?
I also think you should talk to your mom about having a shower. I don't think it's any more selfish to expect a baby shower than it was to expect a bridal shower. Maybe you can all get on the same page about when is best.
We did something similar to this for my SIL. She lives in AZ where they have NO family. She was planning on coming home around 30 weeks for her shower, but she got put on bed rest. She had an Amazon registry and we sent gift cards to her. we had discussed a Skype shower, but she vetoed that idea.
We did invitations and everything...
Make a pregnancy ticker
People will send you baby gifts regardless of if you have a shower or not. You will be amazed at who you get gifts from. Throwing a shower for yourself (or asking someone else to) is incredibly tacky.
lets get some things straight! im not just doing this for the gifts! and i am aware its tacky! thank you EVERYone who has said this or some variation of it in a comment! i get it! im not an idiot!
now i'd like to revise what i originally said. i had no idea it would be taken so literally. and the idea seems to have offended some of you but thats my fault because i worded it poorly. my real dilemma isn't whether or not to throw my own shower. obviously my family wouldn't let me do that. its figuring out a time frame to do it! someone else may throw it but they cant pick when it will happen since i need to travel home for the event. i have to figure out if i can even get back for one. So even if one of my sisters or my mom throws me a shower, i will know exactly when to ensure that i will be there.
oh and just for the record, when i referenced having it when i go home for my sisters wedding i did NOT mean right after the wedding. i meant like a week after or something. i'd never ever do that to her.
Unless it was the weekend following the wedding, I wouldn't do it during the same trip. Chances are if someone offers to host a shower for you they will be fairly involved in your sister's wedding as well and that will be a busy weekend for them. Otherwise, if you are travelling there for Thanksgiving or Christmas your host could coordinate a shower during that time.
1/12/13 DD was born
4/9/16 DS was born
9/17 CP
6/23/18 BFP EDD 3/4/19
Heavens to Betsy, OP! Please, for the sake of everyone on this board, find the shift key.
And don't expect us to read between the lines to find your 'real' question. If you are saying "Aaack! No one has mentioned a shower! What am I supposed to do if I don't get one?!" We aren't going to know that the answer you are looking for is travel related.
hi kllrbnny,
i dont know what you mean by shift key. do you mean because my first post wasn't in paragraph form? cuz i tried to fix that this time. also, i wasn't expecting anyone to read between the lines. thats why i apologized and said it was my fault for not being clear and why i keep reposting what i meant. just trying to clarify myself.
Yea the idea about doing something while im in town for the wedding is out the window now. I would absolutely LOVE to do something during Thanksgiving or Christmas but I might not be there for either holiday. My husband and I rarely make it in town for holidays. nice suggestion though!
Paragraphs would be the enter key. The shift key will capitalize things which will not only make your posts easier to read but also lend you a bit more credence.
Oops! Sry that was a dumb question. I dunno why that confused me. Pregnancy brain I guess. Its a bad habit I picked up from talking on instant messengers and not forums. I'll work on it.
Not have one. Save your money. More than likely if your family doesn't throw you one they'll still buy you things but I wouldn't count on anyone for gifts. It is SO tacky to throw your own shower. I had a friend here in NC who was from WI and she didn't have a shower since no one offered. She is perfectly fine. Her parents helped and bought most of the stuff anyway.