Tantrum/ meltdown help

Re: Tantrum/ meltdown help

• celiabwatson

  July 2012

  Read "How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk". I've found that some of the strategies in there work well to head off tantrums at our house and I have friends that feel the same.

  One that has worked for us in particular is "give them what they want in fantasy". So in your example I would say, "Wouldn't it be great if we could take that pole home. (cue pause in the crying/screaming) We could keep playing with it, we could go fishing etc. That would be so fun." Then my son generally has at least paused his tantrum long enough for me to come up with an alternate approach to leaving the situation without kicking and screaming. He still does sometimes remember later and get mad that we didn't bring the pole with us but it does help avoid the public tantrums. And with 2u2 it can be hard for me to remove him kicking and screaming.

  I also just do a lot of reflecting what he's saying. He usually repeats the same thing over and over again in a tantrum "I don't like the car." (or whatever) and so I repeat that back to him and it usually helps calm him a little because he knows I heard and understood. 

  

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• Echowysp member

  July 2012

  Ds is just now growing out of this a little bit, but had it bad for a while.  I think preschool has really helped him understand he needs to take turns and listen.  One thing I do that seems to work is instead of doing my gut instinct of telling him we have to put the pole down and then getting upset and yanking it from him as I drag him away, Ive started taking a breath, let him have his moment.  He's upset and he can't always turn it off like a switch.  I know sometime telling me to calm down when I'm crying doesn't work.  So, I tell him I know he's sad and that he can hold it for one more minute, then he has to put it back for other kids.  For whatever reason, the telling him he can do it one more time (or one more swing on the swing, one more time down the slide...) really cut down on the tantrums.  He still gets upset, but can reel it back in more.

  If he's tired or hungry, it's a wash and I might have to pull him away.  Asking him if he needs a TO works more and more now that he's older.  
  

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• vanceke08 member

  July 2012

  I would firmly say "the pole has to stay here." Then take a lighter tone and say "Would you like to hand the pole to the man, or would you like me to do it?" They get caught up in the choice they have to make, and are excited that you asked them something like that, so they will usually pick an option. both are a win for mom   

  
  
  
  
  *~PAIF/SAIF welcome and encouraged!~*

  
  

  
  

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• erbear member

  July 2012

  welcome to 3. That is totally normal behavior, AP parent or not.
  

  "Hello, babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet and crowded. At the outside, babies, you've got about a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, babies. God damn it, you've got to be kind." - Kurt Vonnegut
  

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• Uiowachick01

  July 2012

  Thank you for all the responses.  Makes me feel so so much better that I am not the only one dealing with this same response.  I will try those tips and look into the book at my library.  

    

  AP, BWing, BFing, CDing, VBAC, Crunchy Mama to my handsome little 2 year old and squishy newbie! Babywearing Leader to the DuPage Slingers www.DuPageSlingers.Blogspot.com

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