Moms of 3 or more (small vent)

rickandcaitlin · June 2012

Why do people feel the need to tell us we have our hands full or that our lives must be crazy?? Yes I have 3 kids but no my life is no more crazy than when I had 2 kids.

gimmietimmies · June 2012

People love to comment on anything. Somehow having kids or being pregnant is a free pass (to them anyway) to stick their noses in. I get tons of comments on the size of our family. My ``favorite`` is if people ask if we know what birth control is. I tend to let them have it at that one.

shouldbworkin · June 2012

Busy, but happy. They're not mutually exclusive.

rickandcaitlin · June 2012

Gimmie... Do you get... Are you gonna try for a boy? Or or man all girls?

I hate the... Are you trying for a girl? Or Sorry you have all boys? Mind ya own dang business ppl!

Gomezmom530 · June 2012

Im pregnant with my third and have two boys. It bugs the hell out of me when people say, oh you have to have a girl. Uh actually no I dont. I do want a girl but Im sick of people saying "how many boys do you have? Oh this time its definitely a girl, look at how you're carrying." Uhm you are not psychic, you dont know what my body has been dealing with this pregnancy and you arent my dr or gone to school to become an ultrasound tech.

Ciarrai · June 2012

I have two girls and a "baby" boy. DD1 was 3.5 when DS was born. All I heard about all day long is how busy I must be and how "Daddy finally got his boy." like "my" girls weren't good enough?!?! Drives me up the freaking wall. FWIW - The "you must be busy" comments get less and less as the kids get older which confuses me since I've gotten a lot busier since the kids have gotten older. My kids are now 6, 4.5 and 2.5 and I honestly get less "hands full" and "you must be so busy" comments. I still get the "finally got that boy" comments from random cashier at Target and anyone else who I happen to meet, but "that boy" is currently wearing his sister's "high heels" to sleep and loves basketball and cars and purses (since he has two older sisters) while "my" girls have their first swim meet tomorrow and DD2 is our most competitive (at only age 4)... And I'm WAY more busy than when I had a 4, 2.5 and 6mo, which is when I got all the comments about being busy. The comments don't stop, but they get more inventive and you get more immune.

rsd12 · June 2012

While annoying, I really don't believe people mean harm by saying it. And there are days where I know it is true ; ) but I typically also say "better than empty". I usually hear this comment when the boys are being good too... I can only imagine what they say quietly when they are naughtly ; )

gimmietimmies · June 2012

rickandcaitlin:

Gimmie... Do you get... Are you gonna try for a boy? Or or man all girls?

I hate the... Are you trying for a girl? Or Sorry you have all boys? Mind ya own dang business ppl!

All the time, but ds hates coming out with us so they only ever see the girls. I don't have his pic in my siggy because most of his pics aren't post worthy for one reason or another (nose picking, hand in front of the camera, etc), he's 15 and being obnoxious. When people do see him, they want to know if we'll try for another boy to have "book ends". Seriously!?!

Sometimes DH's grandma goes on about things and after she asked once if we were going to have another, and would it mean I'd SAHM (she's not keen on working moms), I said, oh, are you offering to help with the bills? Because that would be the only way I could, and I still wouldn't have another. Besides, it would mean someone would have to ride on the roof of the van.

taggiecb · June 2012

I get the wide eyes when I say I have 3, and then wider eyes when I say they are all boys, then I get the "your house must be busy" and " you must have your hands full" or " they must keep you busy"

Then I get "so, are you going to try for girl?" How do you "try for a girl" exactly. Unless I want to have a baby, just for the sake of having another child, then no, no more kids for me.

gimmietimmies · June 2012

laceyjean1:

I get the wide eyes when I say I have 3, and then wider eyes when I say they are all boys, then I get the "your house must be busy" and " you must have your hands full" or " they must keep you busy"

Then I get "so, are you going to try for girl?" How do you "try for a girl" exactly. Unless I want to have a baby, just for the sake of having another child, then no, no more kids for me.

A bottle of Rickard's Red, you have to do the deed standing on your head and have your tongue out at just the right angle. I kid. If you're done, you're done, it's too bad people think you aren't complete without the million dollar family. Or nuts for having a quiverful.

gimmietimmies · June 2012

I am also sad that TB doesn't have a board for moms of 3 or more and a one and done. One of the board I posted on years ago did, and it was great. Most people left though when the site itself had so many technical issues to view or post was like surfing on dialup.

shopgirl78 · June 2012

I do feel like I have my hands full & my life is crazy : ) So I say, YES I DO with a smile and take no offense. What makes it crazy is shuffling kids to activities, grocery store, etc...Right now we have swimming and Karate tonight (only one more week of swimming--but its impt to me that they CAN swim) and our evens are insane esp on Karate nights which is year round--and tonight DS gets his ORANGE belt.

notkateanymore · June 2012

OK, I have one, so I don't deal with what you deal with...but why does it bother you? Who cares if people think you should try for the opposite sex? Who cares if people ask if you're busy? They're just trying to make conversation...I mean, I have become used to the usual "When will you have another" or "Are you sure you want an only child?" People just try and make conversation!

gimmietimmies · June 2012

KateMW:
OK, I have one, so I don't deal with what you deal with...but why does it bother you? Who cares if people think you should try for the opposite sex? Who cares if people ask if you're busy? They're just trying to make conversation...I mean, I have become used to the usual "When will you have another" or "Are you sure you want an only child?" People just try and make conversation!

I understand what you're trying to get at, and truly, if it's teasing or inquiries from family, it doesn't bother me. I found a really good quote from a blog author that has a large family herself:

None of us with larger families would ever be so disrespectful as to ask you or anyone else questions as personal as why you did (or did not) have children or comment on how few (or none) you have chosen to have.

I lump that in with any personal questions strangers ask, like pregnancy, family size, ttc, anything family and health related. What bothers me is people lack basic manners and without any social filters bring that as their conversation opener. Really? No, hello, how are you? Maybe they are curious, but it's truly none of their business. It's not far from asking about your sex life (seriously, I had someone describe how to conceive a boy, ugh, thanks). I'm bothered by the rude ones - if I didn't engage them, how is it appropriate that they start making comments with the sole intention of hurting someone's feelings or insulting them.

J&A2008 · June 2012

rickandcaitlin:

Why do people feel the need to tell us we have our hands full or that our lives must be crazy??

Why do people take this as an insult or feel like it's a negative remark? They're just saying it because they're trying to relate to your family.

Next time someone says it, pretend instead of "you must be so busy" they are saying, "wow, I admire how you do it!" because that's really what they mean.

And if anyone, anyone tried to tell me that my transition from 2 to 3 kids was not terrifying or traumatic, I'd tell them to take a flying leap,.

pinitbaby · July 2012

PP: thats not always the case when someone says that and they really mean "they admire you". I have 3 kids, ages 13, 10 and 7 and one on the way and they always say "oh you've been busy"...well thanks for making me out that I have nothing better to do!! You can tell with peoples tones when they mean something other than what they're saying. It baffles me how its any of their business to begin with but to each their own right?

amydawn09 · July 2012

I get comments all the time. I have 3 (just a few days away from 8, 5, and 3), and I'm pregnant. I got the 'Wow, you really have your hands full!" before I was obviously pregnant and it was annoying then. Now people more often feel the need to give me pregnancy advice about how I can't pick this up and can't move that around and how I'll need to have help carrying in my groceries when I get home. I have until November and that is already getting old and annoying. You think that with 3 other I don't know what I can and can't do during pregnancy? And, yes, I will carry my groceries in by myself at home, because my only other option is to rebag them and make a jillion trips with lighter loads. I carry what I know I can carry. I have 3 35+ kids, two of them needing to be restrained or picked up really often. I work in the garden and do work around the house. I'm not helpless. Anyway, that was a tangent. Sorry. People like to make comments about gender and it annoys the crap out of me...primarily because it usually involves them saying something about having 3 girls. No, my son with long curly hair is not a girl. I've always been able to either ignore it, leave it to one of the children to butt in and explain that he is a boy, or been able to graciously explain that my oldest is a boy. Man, do people ever get embarrassed about that! Hopefully they stop making assumptions about genders afterwards. Really, though, I think I get annoyed with these sort of small-talk nonsense comments because they aren't necessary. Now, if someone wanted to actually have a conversation with me, ask me something other than a trite rhetorical question. Ask how I handle day-to-day with 3 kids. Talk about your own parental experiences. I love the conversations with the elderly men and women who not only talk to the kids as though they were their own grandchildren, but they talk about how they had several kids themselves, or how they only had one and had enough trouble raising that one and can't imagine how I do it with 3, or give some other actual piece of conversation. Other people comment about how beautiful the kids are, ask how I take care of my son's hair or comment in some other way on it (it's long, blonde, curly, and soft, so it's not something you see every day), talk about how well behaved the kids are being, or how a comment they heard one of the kids make was really great/intelligent/grown-up/etc., or they find some other way to have a nice, real, cordial conversation with me, even if it's only a couple of comments back and forth. Simply telling me that I have my hands full tells me that you are overwhelmed by the thought of having to deal with that many children at a time, that you probably think my kids are too loud or aren't behaving like perfect little gentlemen and ladies, and that you think someone should have force-fed me birth control because I'm over-populating the earth. In general, most of the time that people make that comment, it's laced with snarkiness, whether they intend it to be or not. And if that's all that people can think of to say to me in order to relate to me or to attempt a conversation with me, then I would rather they not even bother. At least word it differently: "Wow! With all the activities you have them in, you much be running around all the time," or "If you have as many problems keeping you kids behaving well as I have with mine, I can only imagine how busy you are." These comments are actual conversation starters. "You have your hands full" is not a conversation starter. It's an observation that is probably better made silently when made in regards to a complete stranger.

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