New here and looking for support

Re: New here and looking for support

• F15Wife member

  July 2012

  I'm sorry you have to deal with this. Just remember you're not the first or last to do this and so many have made it through. I reccomend documenting as much as you can with monthly belly pictures ect. Are you going to able to skype in while you give birth? I hope you can, it would be the next best thing. Then of course take lots of videos once the baby is here and send them to him via email or memory card. Upload lots of pictures and remember you are a strong woman, you can do this!

  Is going home to be with family for the last part of your pregnancy and delivery an option? If so I would highly suggest doing that.

  Congrats and good luck!

  

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• xladybassx member

  July 2012

  Congratulations on your pregnancy!  I haven't been through this (we are still trying for #1), but I know this topic has come up before.  First, I think the PP had some good advice when she said to remember you are not the first woman to experience this- it might sound a little harsh, but it's true.  It is not ideal, it will suck, but in the end you will survive it and probably be stronger for it (like so many other things we as military wives experience).  Another thing to keep in mind, as hard as it is for you to give birth while he is away just imagine how hard it must be for him to not get to be there.  I've talked to my husband about this for when/if we do get pregnant and he always sounds so upset thinking about missing any aspect of future-baby's life.  But again, he will not be the first person to have to go through this, and he will find a way to survive it. 

  The good news is, your child will not remember or be negatively affected by it.  Have someone take loads of pictures, and if you are comfortable with it have someone record the birth.  I have heard of some girls actually skype-ing the birth, but that depends on what kind of internet connection he will have available, and you also would need to get permission from the hospital first.  Take tons of pictures after the birth too, and organize them into a photo album or scrapbook.  Take notes on the back of the pictures or in the margins of your scrapbook so you remember all those little details about what was going on when you took the picture.  It DOES royally suck, but you will get through it.  Just keep focused on the big picture- you are having a baby!!!!!
  

  TTC since June, 2011 with anovulatory PCOS, 1 blocked tube, and mild MFI
  3rd cycles clomid + Ovidrel = BFN
  4th cycles letrozole/Ovidrel + IUI = BFN
  IVF #1 = BFP! Twins due 2/5/2014
  

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• NSL member

  July 2012

  We found out my H was deploying just a few days after learning that we were pregnant with #2, so I've definitely been there!  A few suggestions:

  -Find your support system now.  Who do you know locally who will be an emotional support?  Can family come to town to help you out/be there when you give birth?  Who are you both comfortable with having in the delivery room?  Who will be around to give you a break from 24/7 parenting after you come home from the hospital?

  -Taking photos is a great idea, as is getting a journal for you to write down important milestones that he can read at some point.

  -Focus on the positives of the situation.  You're pregnant!  The baby won't be old enough to realize Daddy is gone for such a long time.  You have many ways to keep in touch and keep him involved (Skype, e-mail, flash drives of photos and videos) that weren't available to deployed families even a decade ago.  Etc...  

  Finally, this is do-able.  It's not ideal, but you will get through it just fine.  Congratulations again on your pregnancy! 

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• nicolepatricia87 member

  July 2012

  Hi! I know what you're going through. DH deployed a few months ago and I am due with our 1st in 3 days. I freaked out when I first found out he'd be gone, but I've come to realize I'm stronger than I thought I was. It still gets me upset when I think about him missing out on our baby's birth and first few months, but I know we will get through it. I'm so glad I made the decision to move close to family and friends since he left bc the support system has been great (even if they do drive my nuts sometimes). Just know that you can do this and ask for help when you need it. Feel free to PM me if you ever want to chat.  

  
  

  

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• MirandaA member

  July 2012

  Thanks for all of the good tips and advice!! It's a first for us so I don't know what to expect as far as communication and his availability. It is so hard for me to ask for help so I need to remember who I have and not be afraid to ask. 

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