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VBAC
MAprincess
member
Do you ever find yourself-
MAprincess
member
in VBAC
forced to hold your tongue in public about VBACs?
I have several friends who are pregnant and had a c/s for their first. They are all planning RCSs. Every single one of them in separate conversations with me have made the statement that they knew they were going to do another c/s because RCSs were "safe" and VBACs are so "risky".
I don't want to come off as some high and mighty VBACer. And I am 100% pro-mother making her own choice. But it really burns my buns when these women (and their doctors too) seem to think RCSs are as safe as drinking a glass of water while VBACs are akin to drinking bleach or something. BOTH have risks and benefits! Don't these people have google and the ability to read the facts via scientific research? Do they really think one is "safe" and the other is "risky"?
I generally just smile and nod because I had to do so much "educating" when I was actually pregnant. And I don't want to come off as preachy. But I guess the overabundance of "safe" RCSs in my group of friends is working me up. Where do you draw the line with sharing VBAC information?
OK, I feel better just venting "out loud" here. But really.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Do you ever find yourself-
I totally feel you pain. Most people are simply uneducated. I typically keep my mouth shut too but it is frustrating.
Maybe one day things will change... maybe?
I never keep my mouth shut. I feel like I am constantly having to educate people that are clueless about it. It gets my goat because it shows how many people just go through life taking their doctor's, preacher's, whoever's word about things without checking the facts and educating themselves.
I don't think there is anything wrong with explaining to people that VBACs are just, if not more, "safe" as RCSs. It isn't like you are violating their right to make their own choice. I dont think there is anything offensive about talking about VBACs.
This is true. The people I know who are having RCSs are all people who talked to me about VBACs when I was pregnant so really it's not like they haven't heard it from me before. I almost feel like they are saying it to convince themselves they are doing the right thing (they are all delivering at a hospital that doesn't really do VBACs so they would have had to actively change providers and hospitals to VBAC).
That said, many people justify their choices to make themselves feel better. It's not like I went around saying VBACs were 100% safe and RCSs always equaled death. I always said that I did a lot of research and weighed the pros and cons of both and really felt that VBACs were an equally safe route. But my CS friends seem to go the "c/s's are safe and VBAC people are only in it for themselves and endangering their babies" route. Not sure why that is or if it is just people around here.
There are some people in my life who, after hearing I VBACed, were really impressed and mentioned that so many people don't realize it is a safe option (these are people who never had the need to VBAC). Makes me feel better that some people in the general public know the facts.
I'll take iris's statement and memorize that for the future. She's right that it is worse to say nothing.
I have, and with my own mother all the time. She is a nurse, a ob's nurse and she thinks I am making the most uneducated decisions in my pregnancy. She says VBACS are so risky and RCSs are the way to go. She says that I'll already know what to expect and that makes it easy. Yeah, not really!
I can not wait to ROCK this VBAC!
Nope, I can't keep my mouth shut. Even if it's just something small like, "that's interesting that your OB said that. Wonder why he disagrees with ACOG?" But I can be a snarky person at times.
A friend of mine has has two C/S and she was really surprised I chose to try a VBAC. Her OB scared her to death about a VBAC. I have talked to her a little bit about it, but she is firm in thinking it's not safe.
I don't really talk to my family much about it. The only person that is supportive is my mom, and I really don't care if I have their approval. It just matters that my H and Ob are supportive.
I am doing RCS b/c my OB doesn't consider me a good VBAC candidate and I think I would have chosen RCS anyway. I had a great Csection experience though.
Maybe your friends are referring to just themselves when they say RCS is safer than VBAC. For some women a RCS is safer than VBAC.
However I don't think there is anything wrong with you mentioning that there is risks to either choice and really one is not more safe than the other if you are a good VBAC candidate.
I think it is ok to say this b/c you are just explainig why you are choosing VBAC.
It has only come up once at this point, with my cousin who has only had (3) vaginal births & it's getting ready to have another one next month... She just didn't know, and she seemed to be interested, so I talked about it.
If someone told it was just the worst thing I could do I won't hesitate to tell them otherwise. But I think I will just smile and nod most of the time.
Regarding the bold, no, they are referring in general. It is usually followed up with "I don't know why anyone would take those risks" or something of the like. I really believe their doctors did not go over the fact that there are any risks to a RCS. But I still can't believe anyone would go into any surgery thinking there are no risks. Kind of boggles the mind. Especially with the latest ACOG recs as of late.
I'm not saying people can't have a good c/s experience, just like people can have good vaginal deliveries. All pregnancies/deliveries are different- just because everything went smoothly with one does not mean the next will be that way. My c/s was fine- I just don't like the long term effects of multiple surgeries and didn't feel like having surgery if I didn't need it. I think that is part of what they are struggling with when I hear them constantly justifying (based on what I know about them).
One of my friends is having a RCS because of extenuating medical conditions that make a vaginal delivery dangerous for her. She is not one of the people I am referring to.
In that case I think you should def make a comment about the fact that there are risks to either side and have just one little back up fact. Don't overwhelm with info. If they pry further then by all means let them have it
Like I said I would most likely have chosen RCS even if my OB considered me a good VBAC candidate. My experience with Csection was a good one and I am the type of person to base my decisions on experience. With that said I made myself educated on both sides and still defend VBACers when I hear misinformed people talking about them.
Yeah, if I found myself in that situation I would just say something like "they both have their risks and their benefits and it's up to each woman to make their own decision". I wouldn't go on citing facts or stats or anything. First, I have a hard time remembering stats when I'm on the spot and I would look like an idiot, but secondly, because it wouldn't get me anywhere and it's not worth it to me to argue about it.
bfp#4 3/19/2014 edd 12/1/2014 please let this be the one!
beta @ 5w0d = 12,026! u/s 4/22/14 @ 8w1d it's twins!