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Vent materialistic ex-wife...sorry long

nallslnallsl
in Blended Families
Saw on SD's FB page that she was at a wedding venue planning her sweet sixteen. I guess her mom always wanted a sweet 16 party, but never got one so she's throwing one for her daughter. I commented that it looked like fun. The next day, SD called and asked DH for $$ for the party. Um...excuse me, but we had ZERO part in the planning! Not only did her mom have SD ask her dad, but she hit up my MIL as well!! I was so furious! Shouldn't she have called DH and said "hey, I want to throw SD a Sweet 16 at this wedding venue and the initial cost is $5000, what do you think?" No, instead she plans it and then has SD ask for $$ as if $650 a month in child support is not enough. Wouldn't SD rather have a car for that much money rather than wasting it on one evening? I just can't believe the nerve! Why does her mom always want to waste money on material things? What is that teaching SD? SD always complains that we're boring and is always making comments that her mom and BF have a boat, etc. Um...we only paid for her ENTIRE college and she can go anywhere in the US! It's so annoying seeing my DH being under appreciated because he pays for and takes care of things for her future.  Thankfully, DH is great about handling these situations as she is always trying to manipulate...he told SD that if she wanted, we would take her cake tasting and pay for the cake. He told her his feelings were hurt that he had no initial decision or part of the planning and this would allow us to do something with her as a family and this is how we could contribute. We have a meeting w/ SD, her mom, her second ex-husband, and her current BF in two weeks. Can't wait! *rolling my eyes* Thanks for letting me vent....I always sit back and never say anything bad about her mom to SD as I feel it is up to DH and her to handle the main issues.
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Re: Vent materialistic ex-wife...sorry long

  • KaeldrasmommyKaeldrasmommy member
    I don't have a lot on this one...But is the place seriously 5000? Or is this all MUD and there's a reason I'm the first to answer?
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  • hopankahopanka member
    Not saying it's not expensive, but on the other hand I can't think of a single situation when the dad in an intact family had ANYTHING to do with an actual party planning, except for forking over the check, as in kids birthdays, weddings...etc. Why is this always such a sore subject in blended. Maybe cause the SM needs to insert herself, so she coaches the poor bastard to be "more involved", even though on his own he never would.....got it, answered my own question.
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  • KaeldrasmommyKaeldrasmommy member
    imagePegleg715:

    Sweet 16's are ridiculously expnsive especially if you opt to have it at a wedding venue, seems like a waste to me.. but I wouldn't call it MUD.

    Either way sucks to be DH in this position. Being asked to cough up cash but get none of the fun of planning. Then when she's  remembering the party she remembers that BM threw it for her, not that everyone chipped in and it was a joing effort.

    There aren't words. We only spent 10 grand on our wedding, there is no way I would spend thousands on a birthday.
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  • nallslnallsl

    It's seriously $5000 for Saturday Evening for four hours. SMH! My wedding was at a similar venue and cost about the same. That's before you add food mind you.

    https://www.fairytalemanor.com/index2.php#/rtext_5/

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  • nallslnallsl
    Ouch! Sorry, but in this case DH is very involved with SD. Mother only takes care of the "fun things" and DH is always looking out for SD's health and future. DH is annoyed that the ex lacks in the communication area. Mother didn't even know how to check SD's grades on the computer, so it was a shock to her when we let her know SD was failing several classes. What kind of mom is there but not involved? In addition to those things, she doesn't teach SD basic common sense stuff! We went on vacation and SD thought it was okay to wear a pad in her bathing suit! Seriously!! Who doesn't teach their daughter that it's like wearing a poopy diaper in a pool. Gross. And from my pervious statement, I don't make his decisions or push myself to be involved. I take the back seat, but I still need to vent. To say that a dad is just there for money is insulting and I'm sorry if that is the view that your father left you with.
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  • socloudy99socloudy99 member

    I understand! BM2 threw a big 13th birthday party last year with DJ, photographer, limo, etc. We thought it was over the top. BM2's home also has a lien on it for non payment of taxes but you are going to spend a couple grand on a birthday party. DH and I did similar to what you are doing. We told SD we would contribute what was in our budget but not of into debt for a birthday party. We bought the cake, snacks, soda, and water for the 150 people.

    All you can do is teach them how to be responsible with money without bashing BM. I know how frustrating this can be!

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  • tetesmamatetesmama member

    I believe it! My wedding with honeymoon 12 yrs ago cost $45k and that was a bargain cause we did a Sat. afternoon! For the evening they wanted about $10k more! 

    I think you are missing the point and think BM is materialistic, doubt she is but is very good at spending DH's money as most ex's are! I bet she said oh daddy will pay for it. BM knows that if daddy says no then he's the bad one, and she sits back and earns more brownie points. It's all a game. They try to screw the ex's over any which way. I'm sorry you are going thru this.  

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