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arcook0307
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What do you enjoy doing while your DH is deployed?
arcook0307
member
Deployments are inevitable and this will be my first. We have a 6 month old at this time. She will be a year old when DH leaves. To keep busy I was planning to sew some clothes for DD, go visit family I usually don't get to see often, watch TV (I hardly ever do), and read. I also want to organize a bunch of stuff and decorate our home over the course of this deployment. For DD and future kids, I thought it would be a good idea to begin making busy bags for church. This all might be a little ambitious. I may be too sad and depressed to do anything but at the moment these are what I am trying to look forward to.
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Re: What do you enjoy doing while your DH is deployed?
If you're too sad and depressed to do basic activities then you need to see your doctor and a counselor ASAP. Deployments are upsetting, but you still need to live your life.
FWIW, I spent a lot of time knitting, watching television (particularly shows H doesn't enjoy, though we did watch a few together and compared thoughts over e-mail), and reading. I work outside the home, which gave me a break from solo parenting duties--if you're a SAHM I'd advise you to plan for some regular part-time childcare so you can catch a break when you need one.
Get out and get involved in stuff, church activities, playgroups, meetings with other wives, and make sure to carve out some time to yourself.
I am terribly sorry for what you have been through. I think it is great that you are planning ahead for this deployment, and your efforts now will go a long way to make things easier. While my husband deployed I joined a few groups. I went with a military spouse group, and joined a community quilting guild because I always had wanted to learn. Granted, I was pregnant at the time, no kids yet. Now when my husband is gone for any period of time, I seek out ways to stay busy. I think you are on the right track by thinking of hobbies to pursue, and would encourage you to find ones that get you out of the house and with other adults. A church group sounds great.
Also, my rule was giving myself one day to feel really sorry for myself, and then moving on. For me, that worked very well.
I make small milestones. After month 1 I will get a sitter and go get a pedicure and lunch with a friend. Month 2 I will again get a sitter and get a massage. Things like that to look forward one step at a time.
Visiting family is a great idea. It definately breaks up the time. Beings that your baby is not old enough for school I would for sure go visit people. It gets so much more constraining when you have school age kids and can't go anywhere due to school.
STAY BUSY!!!!!
You aren't losing your husband. He's going away to do his job. Yes, it sucks, but he'll still be in your life.
We have four kids and I am a SAHM. We are constantly on the move. I volunteer with our FRG and with a local pet rescue group. We visit friends and family. We take little weekend trips. We find fun, inexpensive things to do around town. I read and watch a ton of tv and movies my husband would never watch. We read a lot of the same books while he's gone and talk about them through emails or chat.
Always remember, your attitude toward a situation will dictate how well you adapt to it.
I'm in the throes of my second year long deployment. My son was born while my DH as in Iraq and redeployed when our LO was nine months old. DH is now in Afghanistan, and we celebrated LO's third birthday four days ago. (Oh, and we moved to Germany three months before DH's current deployment.). I have changed my lifestyle a ton as a result of my DH's extended absences.
I'll be honest, I am utilizing the hourly child care on post to my full advantage with this deployment. It is my saving grace. I get 20 kid-free hours a week. I use the time to grocery shop, search for things for the house, continue to organize and unpack (those last remaining pesky boxes) our home, walk the dog and chill out. When my DH was deployed last time, my son was itty-bitty and I had family around to help. This time, my son is in full-on preschooler mode, testing boundaries and pushing limits. He is a good kid, really. But 24/7/365, without a break would be the end of me. Before DH deployed, I had never put LO in hourly care at the local CDC. When I needed a sitter, I hired someone to come to our home (and paid handsomely, we lived in a HCOL area). The time that I got for myself was on weekends, when DH would take LO out on "adventures". Clearly that is not an option now. My son enjoys going to school. He likes being with other kids, he likes his teachers and he likes having something consistent to look forward to.
I try very hard to be kind to myself while DH is gone. If my choice is to vacuum or to play with my son--we play. Our dinners are simple. I am doing things for me, as well. I have gotten involved with two groups on post that keep me busy and have provided opportunities to meet people and to make friends. I can't get through this year all on my own. I need support.
My advice is to make sure you've got a good support network in place. People to help you when you need a hand, but also friends to have over for coffee, or to meet out for a meal. For me, making connections, and building a life here, in a brand new community, is what is getting me through our current deployment.