- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Attachment Parenting
Echowysp
member
Weaning a toddler...
Echowysp
member
I'm on the fence about dd and nursing. She's 22 months and has become increasingly more attached to nursing. I don't at all mind nursing her and never planned on weaning her without it being her idea, but our nursing relationship has become strained.
She needs to nurse before bed and nap, which is fine. She needs to nurse at each wake up. Again, fine. She needs to nurse whenever we get home from somewhere. Ok. She needs to nurse when she's sleepy. She needs to nurse whenever she gets upset. She cluster nips, as I call it, throughout the morning and evening, sometimes needing to nurse 5-6 times in a row. She wakes 2-5 times a night and has to nurse.
Overall, it's taxing and I'm becoming tired of it. My son was weaned by this age, but that was because I was pregnant. I don't see dd letting go of her need to nurse for a very long time. She doesn't really want cow milk, I guess I don't blame her since she gets it from me. If I try to distract her from nursing, so becomes frenzied, so I end up giving in. As much as I would like her to slow down, I don't want her to become anxious over it.
Not sure if I'm asking for advice or just need to vent.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Weaning a toddler...
I had success getting DS1 to drop sessions by distracting him w a small cookie when he wanted to nurse (no shame!). I know DS2 wants to nurse a ton more when he's hungry for people food.
That's all I got - DS2 is 21 months, and also way into nursing. I'm hoping he'll wean in by 2.5, but I'm thinking I'll have to be the one instigating it...
DS2 - Oct 2010 (my VBAC baby!)
Do you frequently nurse in the same spot? I've noticed that when I sit on the couch my son asks more frequently than if I'm sitting somewhere else. He also doesn't ask in public anymore so I think if I wanted to wean (or cut back) I'd start spending more and more time away from the house. Also, bring snacks/water bottles so she isn't hungry when you get home.
I've found that once he's asked it's nearly impossible to deter or distract but if I can just keep him busy all day he doesn't ask as much.
I am going through the same thing. I can't sit on the couch anymore. I am exhausted.
I don't want to wean totally. I enjoy the nursing sessions when it is cuddle time, but I'd also like a little space without having to leave the house every time.
I forced DS to wean at 18 months. I started by night weaning at 15 months because I desperately needed to start sleeping through the night (he work up several times a night needing to nurse), and then when I got pregnant with DD my boobs were just wayyy too sore to continue BFing him during the day, so I weaned.
It was extremely difficult and he was not happy, but I felt like I had no choice at the time (dealing with pregnancy fatigue, nausea, hormones, on top of nursing a toddler all day just wasn't working for me). I don't regret it. He was upset, but it has not harmed our relationship in any way. He is still attached. He still comes to me for comfort when he's upset--he just gets snuggles and kisses instead of milk. Several times a day he says "I need a hug in your lap" and we just snuggle and talk. I had fears of it hurting our bond, but it hasn't, it's just changed it. I honestly believe that he would still be nursing if I hadn't weaned him.
I don't want to give you false hope but DD did drop quite a few sessions right after she turned 2. If I was in your position I would start night weaning first and then go slow from there.
In our case I traveled for work at 28mos and although she tried to nurse when I returned I had dried up and she got upset and asked to go to her crib. We were down to one session and it was still not easy. I did begin explaining to DD around age 2 that someday she would grow up and be big and not need Mama's milk. Talking to her about it seemed to help because after she weaned she would say "now I'm big I no need Mama milk" almost in a self reassuring way.
See my post a few up from this.... no advice, just commiseration! Sounds like our DDs are very similarly attached to our boobs. :-/
ETA: I agree with the other replies about distracting to cut down on the daytime sessions. If we go somewhere and are busy all day, my dd will not even ask for it for 12+ hours. It's when we're sitting around the house all day and she gets bored that she asks more frequently. Sometimes offering "real" food also helps distract her, but not always. When I weaned DD1 at 19 months - and she had already been night weaned for awhile, which was the more difficult beast - once we were down to one session a day, we went away for a long weekend. We were totally out of our routine and away from home, which majorly helped distract her and successfully cut the final session with little upset. I did have to keep my boobs hidden at all times for weeks, though! The one time she did have a meltdown, it was when she saw me topless and wanted it, just a few days after stopping.
Oh, and I like the suggestion someone gave about just explaining about growing up/not needing mama's milk. My dd just potty trained this week (well, pretty much, anyway...), and I'm thinking that if she can understand being a big girl and going on the potty, hopefully she will soon understand about being a big girl and not needing nummies! ;-)
We have our usual spots, like in front of the computer or in the living room. When she wants to nurse and I'm not at one of those spots, she will whine and point to the chair. If I try to walk around and distract her, she becomes increasingly upset.
She will go longer periods in the afternoon and when out, but she if we are sitting somewhere, like at a play date or at lunch, she will insist on nursing.
Thankfully ds weaned when I got pregnant with dd or I would've gone through the same thing. Ugh.
I'm not so much worried about breaking our bond, but just causing undue anxiety to her. She doesn't just tantrum, she acts like she's frantic. Sobbing, clawing at my shirt and acting like I'm leaving her.
It's crossed my mind to take something to dry myself up. But there's no going back from that, so I'm hesitant. I just keep hoping she will give it up on her own since I've always wanted to have a child-led weaning or at least a gentle nudging towards weaning. But I'm considering it.
I just read yours, you poor thing! Yeah, I'm going to have to work harder at trying to reduce the daytime sessions and see if I can get it under control.
DS acted the same way too. It broke my heart. He was frantic, seemed confused. . .ugh. Just thinking about it makes me anxious for when I have to wean DD. I'm going to be night-weaning her here, in a little bit, since I'll be working at 6 am starting in September and I cannot be up nursing all night.
I'm not excited about it. I hated night-weaning DS.
That is so tough. I am not even sure how I'll night wean her. She can get out of her bed and then will cry for me and rattle the doorknob. Ugh. But I can't keep being up all night.