Re: Working or Staying Home?

shipsshoessealingwax · July 2012

So what's the verdict ladies - after this LO joins your family, are you planning to SAH, work PT, or work FT? Whatever your decision, what led you to it & do you have any concerns about your choice?

As for me, DH & I have decided that we will wait until after the baby has arrived & we have settled a bit after the birth to make this decision. While my income is very beneficial it is not absolutely critical as we live very simply. If I do decide to work it will most likely be PT, & all grandparents are very close by so between them & DH our LO will probably not require daycare. I've known many women who adamantly made this decision one way or another before the birth & then completely switched afterwards, so we will do what feels right by our family when the time comes.

goofyteacher: Let it go - you made your point, the OP apologized, & you proceeded to bully her until she removed her thread. I agree her wording was poor, but it was an innocent mistake.

mistresscox · July 2012

So I missed all the drama of the deleted thread, but here's what worked for my family.

Last baby I was able to stay home until she was 4 months old. When I went back it was PT-2 12 hour overnight shifts a week. That worked really well for us for about a year and a half when I changed jobs. That job was supposed to be PT but ended up being FT but by then she was old enough that it didn't seem like as big of a deal. We did have her in daycare (no family close to us) starting at 8 months old but since I was only PT for the first year and a half she was also only in PT. (The first 4 months I slept during her daytime naps and it worked out ok.)

This baby I will also plan on working PT. I just don't see any way that I could physically work FT nights with a toddler and an infant. We will try to do the same thing as we did with DD where I just sleep with the baby during the day and keep baby out of daycare for as long as possible, but I'm sure we won't make the 8 month mark this time around.

Personally there is no way that I could wait until I had the baby to decide. I am too much of a planner as well as my employer needed to know what to expect from me when I came back. That being said, I also always knew (and have since proven to myself several times) that I am not SAHM material. That sh!t is just WAY too hard for me lol!

goofyteacher · July 2012

LOL, I'm not sure it was really drama. I told her that other people would not be raising children if a mother chose/had to work.

I will be staying home for about 8 months and then will re-evaluate.

82Sonia · July 2012

I'm going back to work full time but I'll probably stay home for 4-5 months after the baby is born born. I know that I would struggle to find a good balance for myself being a SAHM.

mrssmw · July 2012

I plan on going back to work after 6-8 weeks.

Allycat11 · July 2012

Right now the plan is for me to be a SAHM but I am open to changing my mind later if it doesn't work out.

I left my career already so we could re-locate. Right now I would not make enough that it would be worth putting LO in day care full time. We discussed the possibility of working opposite shifts but we do not think that will be ideal for our marriage or family life (no judgment on anyone who does this). By choosing this route we are definitely going to be living frugally but we think it is the best choice for our family.

Ironically, I have always been very career driven and never thought I would want to be a SAHM, but things change.

kaleyandjason · July 2012

I will be going back to work PT after FMLA is up, so about 12 weeks. That is the plan for now anyway although it is possible I may just SAH.

mamaregan · July 2012

I decided once I had my DD that I would be a SAHM. I am a certified Elem. teacher but the market is so bad here that I was a per diem sub. I would get calls at 5:30 AM to come in 2 hours later to fill in for a teacher. I came to the conclusion that I would be absolutely miserable being at work and felt it was in the best interest of our family and especially my daughter to stay at home.

That being said, I will continue to stay home with the next baby until both of the kids are in school. I may reconsider at that point.

mishka29 · July 2012

I'm going on mat leave for 1 year...I couldn't imagine only getting 6 to 8 weeks. After I will definately be going back to work FT.

MSUMamaof2 · July 2012

I've been a SAHM for 4 years now. I think I'm better at this than I ever was working outside our home, and I loved my job outside our home (I was a probation officer). We also live simply and I don't see myself going back to work anytime soon. We're also considering homeschooling our children for part of their elementary years, so that will also influence my decision.

amjung2103 · July 2012

I will be going back to work full time after my 6-8 weeks of maternity leave. I am really starting to wish that I could stay home longer, or even go to working part time, but my job is not a part time job, and right now i am the "bread winner" of our family. DH will be branching out on his own soon (right now he works under someone) and his salary will increase. After he's settled into that position we may re-evaluate - but this would probably be when I was pregnant with #2.

NechamaChayim · July 2012

I already stay home. I wouldn't have anyone to babysit anyway and personally, I wouldn't put my child in daycare. If I wanted, I suppose I could run my own home daycare (I have a degree and training) but I don't think with my fibromyalgia and fatigue issues I could handle other people's children all day.

momofmanyinthemitten · July 2012

It was always my dream to be a SAHM, so that was settled before DH and I got married-So long as it was financially possible, I would stay home with the kids. I've been at home with #1 since she was born and wouldn't have it any other way. While it has been financially rough with my husband finishing job training for the past 2 years, it was so worth it to us. Like pp, we're considering homeschooling, so that would definitely require me to be at home.

ByGrace22 · July 2012

PT work for me. I love the balance that a three-day work week gives me. After my first I worked full-time, then became a SAHM while pregnant with my second, then went back to work part-time last year. I'll keep my same schedule after a 12 week maternity leave this time around.

tangledtwizzlers · July 2012

I don't understand why anyone would go back to work once they have children. If you aren't going to raise them yourself, what is even the point? You could just give half your pay check to foster care organizations and have the same effect.

BrennanHuff · July 2012

tangledtwizzlers:
I don't understand why anyone would go back to work once they have children. If you aren't going to raise them yourself, what is even the point? You could just give half your pay check to foster care organizations and have the same effect.

Totally agree. What is with people these days? I don't get why you would have a baby if you can't raise it on your own? Come on, people.

Kingston54 · July 2012

I am a teacher so I work 9 months a year. LO is due in January, I'll take off from January until the end of the school year and go back in September - so I'll get 8 months off. Then I'll go back full time. I'd rather not but it's the best scenario right now.

caladpi02 · July 2012

WTF? I am going back to work because of the high cost of living where I am. You are ridiculous and wrong.

Samidez · July 2012

FTR, I believe the question was posed more on an 'informational' level...not to be seen as opinionated.

It is completely unfair to judge the decisions of each mother-to-be as to whether they are a SAHM or a WM. Each lead different lives which may involve the need to work to pay the bills.

In this day & age of hard times, if ALL working mothers quit working...there would hardly be any children being born. Ever heard the saying, 'it takes a village to raise a child'? Does that mean that people aren't doing it 'on their own'? I don't.

Mothers should be made to feel guilty by others for the time they might have to be a part from their child to work. They can feel guilty enough about it themselves. So each should do what is best for their situation.

shipsshoessealingwax · July 2012

Ladies, please keep it cordial. There are a million different reasons for a woman & her family to make any of these decisions, & all the mommas on here deserve our respect.

Todd&Laura · July 2012

I will take off the remainder of the school year like I did when my son was born. I love my job and worked very hard to get it. My school is minutes from my home and I have amazing day care. I will return to work at the beginning of the 2013-2014 school year when baby will be about seven months old.

Beaglechon2012 · July 2012

Working and going back to work quickly, no FMLA and not much leave.

Unknown · July 2012

This content has been removed.

goofyteacher · July 2012

shellifranks:
Ladies, please keep it cordial. There are a million different reasons for a woman & her family to make any of these decisions, & all the mommas on here deserve our respect.

They're trolls they are attempting to get a rise out of people. Notice the brand new SN's. We also really don't need a mother hen.

Orange and Green · July 2012

First marriage I was a SAHM until the youngest was two (now they're 16 and 14).

With this marriage, I'm the breadwinner so I'll go back to work. But hubby is a professor and only has to teach 9 hrs a week. With his many school breaks, my folks, in law's and aunts we're all going to share the raising of this child.

dande2129 · July 2012

FI works, and I go to school full time. While baby wasn't exactly planned, we're trying to come up with the best possible situation for all of us. Baby is due 2/8, which will only be about a month into the semester. Unfortunately, in order to continue my insurance, I have to be a full time student. (We are allotted one "off" semester to continue insurance and only pay the premium without taking classes, but I used it for summer semester, when I didn't plan on taking classes, but found out I was pregnant)

I am taking 20 credit hours autumn semester, dropping down to the minimum of 12 credit hours for spring semester, hoping to get mostly evening classes so I can maximize time with LO during the day. I've had great professors in the past and while I don't rely heavily on their understanding and consideration, I'm hoping that something can be worked out so that I may take at least two weeks to be with him/her.

It breaks my heart. It really does. But... I'm in the home stretch of school, and I can't take a semester off. (Insurance purposes, mainly) I try not to think about leaving my newly born baby.

dande2129 · July 2012

tangledtwizzlers:
I don't understand why anyone would go back to work once they have children. If you aren't going to raise them yourself, what is even the point? You could just give half your pay check to foster care organizations and have the same effect.

LOL! Yes, because foster care and having a FT/PT job equate to the same thing.

Gosh, why do kids even go to SCHOOL? What a silly notion.

dande2129 · July 2012

Beaglechon2012:
Working and going back to work quickly, no FMLA and not much leave.

I'm sorry :-

acesup · July 2012

i will be going back to work full time. i make a significant salary and it is necessary to keep our house. i dont want to work and i hate my job so that doesnt help. but the money is why i have to go back. this LO will go to the daycare that DD goes to. i love them and so does she

acesup · July 2012

Allycat11:
Ironically, I have always been very career driven and never thought I would want to be a SAHM, but things change.

i was the exact same way! i was all "i could never be a SAHM". now, i would kill to be a SAHM! lol. things definitely change. although, i think part of it for me is that i am miserable at my job LOL

AppleJacks81 · July 2012

I think it really depends on your job and your lifestyle. I have pretty consistent hours 7a-3p which work really well for us. Some people have crappy hours and it just doesn't make sense to suffer if you can afford to stay home. Making your own money and having your career can be empowering as well. I like my job and I want to keep working, but I am super happy for people when they make the decision to stay home. I have a 2.5 year old and I have been working the same job full time for the past 5 years. I plan to keep the same hours after this next one too. No decision is a bad decision - it's what is right for you!

Drea926 · July 2012

Kingston54:
I am a teacher so I work 9 months a year. LO is due in January, I'll take off from January until the end of the school year and go back in September - so I'll get 8 months off. Then I'll go back full time. I'd rather not but it's the best scenario right now.

Same here! I am a teacher as well and I'm due in February. I'm taking the rest of the year off and going back September 2013. I would love to stay home but unfortunately it wouldn't be economically feasible to stay out longer.

happy_un-bride · July 2012

I get 1 year maternity leave and will be going back to work following this. I am lucky to enjoy a work from home schedule, so I'll still be home a couple days a week after I go back. Spoilt, I know.

I will keep my eye out for jobs closer to home as well, since I currently commute over an hour each way,

PandasMama0626 · July 2012

I've been very blessed with my career. I'm a full time graduate student right now through distance learning and work online as an English and Essay writing tutor for tutor.com which pays very well and I can work 24/7 up to 30 hours a week if I choose. My goal is to teach college level in the online environment by this time next year after I get my MA. So I've been able to work part time, go to full time school, and still be home to raise my baby girl and will do the same with this new baby.

I can't imagine not teaching at some point but I also want to be home and available to my kids as much as humanly possible. My 2 year old has gymnastics and is in a dance and art classes already so being here to do those classes with her is very important to me. But this is just me. My cousin is having her 2nd right now as well and works 60 hours a week (not that she has to but she chooses too) and has her toddler in day care during those hours including when she goes to the gym 5 days a week. And it works good for her. Different strokes for different folks

MrsCarroll.6-10-07 · July 2012

I have been home since my 1st. I was able to stay home and get paid for 12 weeks of short term disability, then I quit 2 weeks before I was to "go back". (Gave my boss knowledge of what I was going to do well in advance because he was my friend and it was completely legal at my company to do that...)

Anyway, now I work from home crafting and selling on Etsy. PM me for info or check my blog for links. ;-)

carteramariec · July 2012

I have to go back to work F/T and quickly, I'm hoping to get 6 weeks. My work doesn't qualify for FMLA and I have minimal paid leave. With student loans from school alone, staying home isn't an option. I too have had someone (a family member) tell me that it's a shame that my child won't be raised as I was (my dad stayed home)...but the fact is that my reality is different than my parents. It does make me sad to think that I have to send my baby to daycare at 6 weeks. I'm hoping my SO can take his leave (he gets FMLA) after mine so the baby can be older before going to daycare.