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Blended Families
Woke up with tears and anxiety (vent)
My kids went with BD and SM this weekend to the river to go boating etc... with MY aunt and MY mom.... and I wasn't invited.
Bit of background: My ex met his beau through my aunt because we have always been civil and one weekend she was going to the local lake and it was his custody weekend so she invited him (she has a son that is my daughter's age). He met his lady there as she is a friend of my aunts. That was 4 years ago.
Recently I haven't been speaking with my aunt whom I was very very close with because she spread some personal info about me and cause some drama and when I confronted her about it, she didn't see anything wrong with what she did, despite it's repercussions.
SO- since my ex has a boat, and since her and I aren't speaking, she invited them, MY kids, MY mom... and they all went.
My ex recently filed to take my custody on a bunch of BS complaints, hearing is set for August after his "emergency" was deemed NOT an emergency by the judge... so my Aunt and my alcoholic mother (who both know he is trying to take my custody) and my ex are hanging out having a "bash the mom" weekend... or at least that is how it's playing out in my head... meanwhile I'm trying to act excited and interested when my son texts me pictures of where they are etc...
Whole situation makes me want to vomit, especially since I am 16wk preggo and super duper emotional... GRRRRRRR
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Woke up with tears and anxiety (vent)
Oh
Try not to stress about it! I was very disappointed when I was reading it was your aunt and mother. It can be tough when family gets involved with hanging around with your child and ex's.
Try to keep in mind it is all for your son. If they want to "bash on mom", when he gets older, he is going to resent it and know better. Try to keep a smile on your face when you read those texts just knowing that he is SAFE and having fun. Im sure that your hormones are not helping much during this time but try to do what you can to relax!!
I hope this is helpful for you and you have a better day!!
TTC our #1 since '10
DX: Ovulate but not great follicles
DH SA:Normal-Low Count
Aug 2012:Clomid 50MG= BFFN ([1]Fol-17mm/Prog.-17.3)
Sep 2012: Clomid 150MG CD5-9 & TI= ??
I'm sorry you have to deal with all this. If he wasn't currently taking you to court I guess it wouldn't be that bad, but given the court thing this seems like a bad idea.
I am going through something similar though. My ex's kids have come over to my house to see their brother and he is mad at them over it. His whole family is mad at them and called them traitors apparently. It really is very innocent on their part though. They really just want to spend time with my son who they rarely get to see. They do not discuss their dad with me and I wish he could understand that.
Their mom and I do talk about him but we are under no obligation to him considering he dumped us both. He shouldn't blame his daughters for that.
What does my age have to do with the price of tea in China?? I say "beau" and "lady" because I have no idea whether they are married or not so I cannot say "wife" and I respect the role "wife" too much to let anyone who hasn't made that commitment have it.
We currently have 50/50 custody and he is trying to TAKE my half down to EO weekend, not sure what is unclear about trying to take??
FYI I am 29. but 22 AND 72 are probably pretty accurate. I was raised in a small town pretty sheltered and entered adult-hood very naive, however since then I have seen a rough side of life and now that I have gotten my act together, sometimes feel 72.
Exactly. If it wasn't for the court thing it really wouldn't be that big of a deal. Him and SM have twins together.... they don't really like me playing or talking to them (they are 2) which I don't understand because I would love to include my kids brother and sister in activities. Especially when they are a bit older and don't understand why their older siblings get to go do stuff and they don't... IMO it's NONE of the kids fault for the family situation, they should be able to be brothers and sisters together without any of us adults hindering their relationships because of our petty issues. I would never have a problem if the twins wanted to come over to see my kids when they aren't at their dads!
I am sorry you are going through this. You must really feel betrayed.
I get along very well with BIL's exW, so in a way I can understand ex-ILs hanging out. I would be angry if BIL told me not to speak with / spend time with his ex - - it's none of his business and not his place to tell either of us how to spend out time (BIL would not tell either of us how to act, just giving the example). However, exW and BIL are not fighting each other in court!!!
I have a question about the personal info that she spread - - did you know she was a blabbermouth? If so, some of your anger should be directed on yourself. Despite the consequences, if your aunt isn't one to keep her mouth shut, you should have known that, and not shared any info with her. Yes, it hurts when someone breaks a confidence, but I have learned that you can trust certain people with information, and not others. If you pass on information to a gossip and they blab...you can only blame yourself!
If you didn't know already, you have learned your aunt's true colors. She puts a free boat ride ahead of her relationship with you. She values her ability to gossip above her relationship with you. You may have been close ONCE, but clearly that is not the case anymore - - maybe because you are now an adult and have adult expectations of her. If you want any relationship with her, you might have to adjust your expectations of her lower, and keep her at a polite distance.
If I were you, I would concentrate on the family and friends who you CAN trust and who are supportive of you. Don't worry about your aunt. Just because she is a blood relative does not mean that you need to be close to her.
Details on what my aunt did.... well long story short-ish, I was reunited with my hubby right after a 1yr relationship. The guy who I had been seeing went into a bit of a frenzy when I called it off for good because I wanted to be with my now-hubby. He called/emailed/facebooked a lot of my friends saying all kinds of things. One of the people he contacted was my aunt. He was saying all kinds of things about my hubby and drug use (not true) and who knows if he's a good/bad guy etc etc. (He was basically just upset I didn't want to work it out with him, he didn't know that I've known my hubby since childhood) In any case, for some reason my aunt felt it necessary to keep my ex-bf in the loop and immediately called him and told him I was preggo after I announced. It caused all kinds of drama which we handled. But I told my aunt I didn't appreciate her telling him etc, it was none of her business and it caused a lot of unnecessary drama. She also opened her mouth to another family friend about the drug rumors, that friend told her mom, who told my boss.
So ya, obviously I've learned I can't tell my aunt personal information anymore... but she had never betrayed my trust in the past. Now she is being petty and communicating with my kids only through my ex instead of trying to make ammends with us, which honestly would only take an apology... I'm not a petty person. But she won't even ask WHY we are upset at her or anything.