3.5 yr old not participating in activities

Re: 3.5 yr old not participating in activities

• Wendy55 member

  July 2012

  He has none of the symptoms of Aspergers. He plays very well with other kids, he doesn't have eccentric behaviors and doesn't spend too much time focused on one specific activity. He just seems to be afraid to try new things.

  Anyone else have any input/thoughts?
  

  

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• j&j1999

  July 2012

  No real advice other than to say our almost 4 y/o is the same way.  SCARED of EVERYTHING NEW!  Only she is clingy to us when we are around.  She plays nice once she is comfortable but getting her comfortable in every new situation we encounter is exhausting!  Like you I feel like she is missing out on so much fun!  I cannot tell you how many birthday parties we have been to where she will cling to me for the first 9/10 of the party and then finally warm up just before we have to go, but that is in new situations.  When it comes actually DOING new things, there is no convincing her to try, even if they are things she previously has done and enjoyed.  Our DD has also started expressing a lot of fears so I think for her she is actually on some level afraid of trying new things.  I just try to talk to her as much as I can about it.  I will prep her for new things and try to get her excited, I try to NEVER ever put her down or mock her "fears" and if she misses out on something, when it is over, we talk about it as well.  Sort of a debrief to see if she feels like she missed out and if she can identify anything we could have done to have helped her feel more comfortable.

  I am not sure if any of this is helpful to you but I 100% understand what you mean about feeling like they are missing so much fun...I feel this every day!  GL!
  

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• MelissaS5338

  July 2012

  Our DS was/can be the same way. He is opening up more now and actually becoming more daring with his activities.  I think it is mainly him being shy and maybe a little timid. We started swim lessons this summer and he really wasn't interested in the water at all. I have been taking him regularly to the pool and trying to get him to be more accepting of the water and it is finally working. Now he loves the pool. Another instance is at school he was always very quiet and really only played with one friend or by himself, but now he is really open, loud, and plays with all of the children. I honestly think it is just a phase that they go through.

  Some of the things that we would think are normal for a child to love, they find scary or intimidating. My son also loves trains, but when we saw one up close he freaked out a little. I mean they are HUGE in person! haha

  There are many LO's that are more outgoing than DS, but I don't worry too much. I know it is hard to be patient and keep trying to introduce new things, but more than likely he will come into his own in due time. If you are really worried though you could always ask your Pedi and I am sure they could give you some insight. 

  Good luck! 
  

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• mrsseguin member

  July 2012

  To the poster who suggested Aspergers, that's just annoying to jump to conclusions!

  DS has always been a shy kid out in public.  DS loves swimming and the water but when they have pool days at DC (a kiddie pool) he won't even put his toe in the water.  At home he goes crazy in his kiddie pool.  He doesn't sing the songs at school with the other kids, but sings them all the time at home.  He's just very shy and nervous and doesn't like to try new/do things especially if there's a big group of people. 

  At home, he's 100% different, probably because he's comfortable in his own environment.  I think it's a personality thing.  I'd keep trying to encourage new activities, but not make him feel bad if he doesn't want to do it.  My DH is the same way...he's just like his dad.  I just hope DS is more social than my DH
  

  
  

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• ncsumommy

  July 2012

  DS can be the same way alot - he is shy and usually slow to warm up to any situation.  I have noticed that in the last month or so he's been warming up a little faster.  In soccer class today, he just ran out on the field and started playing and needed no encouragment.  

  I think this is a shy thing for the most part but I will say, DS usually always DOES join in the activity, it just takes him awhile b/c he has to observe it first before he does it.  He doesn't go off on his own for the entire activity.

  3 year olds can be weird creatures  

  

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• QueSrah member

  July 2012

  I recently read Raising Your Spirited Child and among other things it talked about kids who are slow to adjust to change, cautious with new situations and want to observe what's going on before jumping in.  Maybe reading that might give you some insight?

  

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• Jen&Len

  July 2012

  DS is the same way. He didn't talk to a single person for the first half of last year.  And now I'm getting multiple requests for play dates.  He's always been more of an observer and more cautious in general.  He waits until he's comfortable, and then he'll jump right in.  I think the teacher referred to it as strong willed because he won't allow himself to be pressured into doing something he doesn't want to do!  Let's hope that sticks around when he's a teenager.  But he'll play with the other kids now and join in the group play...although he also refused to get on the pony during pony ride day.  He did stand next to it for pictures and touched it at arm's length though.  It's probably just his personality. He wants to feel comfortable and ready before joining in.
  

  

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