Hypnobabies mamas with skeptical SO's come in!

Tarta · July 2012

I've started my Hypnobabies training and I really really like it. I feel confident in it and excited to use it. But I feel like DH is very skeptical and is standoffish about it. I want to talk with him about how he can be supportive etc, through the process and I just feel like I'm getting nowhere. He's a dentist and very pro-anesthesia of pretty much any type. He says he's ok with me wanting to go natural, but seems completely disinterested in my hypnosis approach to anesthesia. He is naturally very calm and affectionate towards me so I don't feel like he's going to be disrespectful during my birthing time necessarily. Just possibly more disconnected from the process than I'd like.

My question to you ladies is, how did your birth go with a skeptical DH? Did it detract from your ability to apply the hynposis techniques? I don't want to hire a doula this time. Besides the fact that there are no hypno-doulas in our small town, I just don't want to pay for the investment. Our insurance costs are ridiculously high to be delivering this baby anyways.

I will have my mother there for backup and I've been sharing the support info with her and showing her hypnobabies birth videos. I really trust her to set aside her own skepticism and do her best to support me and use cue words for deepening etc. I just feel at a loss about DH and how to feel like he's on board with me. Then I wonder if I even really need him "on board". Will I be ok just forging ahead on my own with my hypnobabies tracks and him being there more as a physical support?

I feel like I need to just have a heart to heart with him, but something is holding him back. He just is having a hard time connecting with me and my wishes to be in more control of my birthing this time. Ahh! It's driving me a little nuts! Tell me this will work out and the hypnosis will work with or without him being a believer!

LollyBug18 · July 2012

I've got no advice but just wanted to let you know I'm in the same boat. DH doesn't really understand why I want to try for a natural birth and he's also not very excited about hypnobabies. Right now I've just started the home course on my own and am waiting to see if he comes around. Otherwise I'm considering asking a friend of mine to be a sort of doula, she's the one lending me the hypnobabies home course. Hope YH comes around!

sschwege · July 2012

DH was pretty much on board, but he used to make fun of the affirmations (I did Hypnobirthing, I know not totally the same, but similar idea). I can't blame him, they can seem a little out there at first, but finally I just asked him to stop because I knew it was undermining the message and he did stop.

Honestly, I was one of those women who just kind of went within myself when I went into labor. I was glad DH was with me, but his job was to pour water over my stomach during surges and give me a sip of water afterward. So even if he had been less than enthusiastic or not totally on board, I still would have done fine. Provided he wasn't outwardly hostile about it or something, which I'm sure your husband wouldn't be. Everyone is different though, and you aren't going to know what you will want/need until you are in the situation. I think you are smart to involve your mother as well.

Here's just a side note, there was a couple in our Hypnobirthing class and they were both dentists. She had a beautiful water birth. So even coming from strong medical background, was not a hindrance for them. Your husband may still come around.

Tarta · July 2012

Thanks ladies. It's good to hear I'm not alone and that it does work out even without professional hypno support. I prayed today that we would be able to communicate more openly about this and that I would know how to approach him.

Tonight at dinner he seemed more receptive. I asked him to listen to one of the tracks with me because his ears perked up when I told him my "special place" for hypnosis was Waimanalo beach which is a beach he grew up on in Hawaii. He seemed to like that I chose that place to be a safe place to go and relax and communicate with the baby. He asked jokingly if he could come with me next time. I told him "sure" and invited him to join me in listening to that track.

So maybe, just maybe he will warm up to it slowly. I guess the longer I practice the tracks and share my excitement with him, the more he'll have opportunity to engage. Hopefully with a little more patience on my part and his, we'll find a happy medium.

It's also good to hear that other dentists out there are embracing hypnobirthing. I have swung very much into alternative/natural medicine in the last couple years and it sometimes gets DH all riled up because he was so classically trained in a western medical environment. He thinks it's all anecdotally based, but can't really argue that I'm in much better health these days. He's initially skeptical of pretty much everything I do for my health, but I usually don't mind because it's just me that's responsible for me. It felt different when it came down to childbirth though.

Thanks again ladies!

Celyn · July 2012

My husband never bought into hypno, although he did attend the class with me and he supported my choice to do it. As a birth partner, he forgot everything we learned. He put on the tapes and held my hand, but the rest was up to me to give myself cues. The first time there was talk of an epidural, he was immediately all for it. When I got one, the relief for him was entirely evident. He was just super stressed out by the process. The second time around, I had a strong urge to push when I was only 6cm, and that freaked me out (I wasn't a doula then), and he told me he wanted me to get an epidural. The nurse actually took him outside and told him I could do it. Thank goodness for her. She got him on-board and it was much different after that. To be honest, my husband's challenges during our birth experiences are a big part of the reason I became a doula. That said, most dads I've worked with are pretty skeptical of hypno, but I've seen a lot them be great when the time comes.

seethesmiles · July 2012

I didn't use hypnobabies (I used Bradley method) and my husband was super supportive BUT I'm a dentist and I've had two incredible natural births. I see dental treatment and birth as two totally different realms. To me, dentistry typically involves treating a problem/disease. Birth is a natural process. Anesthetic is a wonderful thing and has its place in the medical world, including both labor/delivery and dentistry. But I don't use anesthesia on every patient that comes into my office. And similarly, I don't feel every woman needs anesthesia to give birth. I hope your DH comes around -- sounds like he might be starting to. I wish you the best of luck!!

seethesmiles · July 2012

I just thought of something else. Ask your husband what he does regarding anesthetic when he treats a pregnant patient. Most likely, he is vey conscious of the amount and type of anesthetic that he administers. Then ask him why. Is he concerned about mom and baby's safety? If he's concerned about his pregnant patients, I should hope that he feels similar concern for you and your baby. I'm not proclaiming that anesthetic is horrible or unsafe, but it may be a way to approach the subject in a context that is familiar to him.

rae_dylanzmom · July 2012

Funny story, I was introduced to hypnosis for anesthesia by my first dentist when I was ~6 (cavity-prone teeth). Years later, no one believed me, insisting I imagined it. Years later, we saw the dentist and I was dying to ask him about these memories. When we walked up to him, he introduced me to his friend as, 'the first patient I ever hypnotized.'

Anyway, my thought was that maybe your DH would be more interested in learning about hypnosis as part of his field. It's been around for a long time (my experience was ~35 years ago!).

Just a thought, and thought I'd share.

Oh, and my DH had a tough time accepting it. It was difficult for me to talk about it with him because it was deeply personal to me. It makes total sense that it's hard for you to talk about... you don't want to be rejected. Totally get it.

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