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November 2011 Moms
SIL vent
So there have been tensions between me and SIL before but it's gotten worse since I've come here to visit. Some background info: DH (her only brother) moved to the States with me when we got married and she is jealous. She loves her brother very much, I get that. In middle eastern countries it is the norm that you live with your parents until you get married. Her brother has taught her so many things, and they share the same interests. She looked up to him and uses his personal traits to judge other men romantically. Which I also understand, a lot of women look for admirable or likable traits they found in their fathers so I assume this is similar because she is not close to her parents and does not particularly look up to her father. They grew up very close and his sister has never had many friends, if any. She's not married and has no relationships outside of the family so I can see why she has some attachment issues with her brother... It seems he was almost her world and now that he's gone she just sits at home alone. I'm just extremely irritated because she keeps posting quotes on Facebook that are meant for people in a romantic relationship. (this has been going on since a little after we got married almost 2 yrs ago) She's posting quotes about missing that person, about how that person has "changed" or how someone has "abandoned" her (because he left Egypt and because he's not as close to her, naturally, he's married and has a kid...). There was even one post on her page that read "It seems that when you want someone they don't want you, And when someone wants you, you don't want them, and when you both want each other something has to come around and mess it up." What the F*** is that!? That's not even the most infuriating thing she's posted... and it's been an onslaught since we've come to visit. I know these quotes have to do with her brother... she doesn't have a love-life and even before we were married she expressed her feelings about me by saying to her brother "I don't want things to change, can't you just stay here and things can stay the same".
She has also been trying to nitpick everything I say, and she now stubbornly thinks I'm a nationalist because I complained about something here in Egypt and because I said I liked pizza in the States better than the pizza here. (Though I have more often complimented things I liked here) She talks bad about me to DH and his parents right in front of me in Arabic because I don't understand her, but acts as if nothing happened because she's too cowardly to say it to me. DH and his family doesn't want to hurt my feelings or cause a fight so DH doesn't tell me until later. He finally confronted her and she won't even speak to him or me. When confronted she even lied to DH and said "I don't know what you're talking about, those are just quotes from famous people..." Pretty strange considering they are identical to the feelings you've already expressed about missing your brother and how much he's "changed". She also told him she could post whatever she wanted and that it was none of his business, when in fact it is because even people that DH doesn't know, have an idea of what she is talking about and it is humiliating to him and infuriating to me. She's older than I am but she's acting like a 15 year old girl in love. She has problems, I feel very bad for "taking" her brother whom she loved very much... I really do feel for her, but at the same time, I feel like I'm in high school again, and I don't want to say anything because I know it's rough for her.
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Re: SIL vent
All I could think of while reading this was "Jerry Springer" She sounds like she is in love with him. Yikes!
I don't know much about the culture but she needs to get it together and fast! You did not "take" anything from her... if anything she should see this as gaining a sister; a good one from what I can read in your words. It sounds like you have been very humble and patient with the whole thing. I don't think someone else would have done the same. My respects to you for that and like I said before "SHE NEEDS TO GET IT TOGETHER"
Very crazy situation... She is way too attached.
The war part is totally understandable... She sounds like she is too much to deal with. I have a brother and he and I are very close. There is pretty much nothing I would not do for him but her love for your husband seems to go beyond boundaries. I am really glad that DH can see it and is on your side with all of this. I sure do hope she finds a man of her own soon!
Come home!!! Quick!! Think of that burger. What a psycho!
She sounds disturbing. I wouldn't do anything else to stir the pot. I know it's next to impossible but just do your best to ignore her and keep reminding yourself that you need to be the bigger person. Seriously...she sounds like she would cut you in your sleep.
It sounds like she's lonely and really misses the only person who was her friend. I'm not trying to take her side and she does sound a bit crazy, but I kind of feel sorry for her. Just take comfort in the fact that you're going home in a few days and you won't have to spend any more time with her.
Get her off your facebook page, or hide her updates, and try to ignore her. And pray she finds a man.... soon!