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How do you do it???

princesa2423princesa2423 member
in Single Parents

So STBXH has recently gotten supervised visits per court order because of a mentally unstable past. However, I cannot be the supervisor. So visits with DD take place at my home 2 -3 times a week with another person present as the supervisor (I have to be in another room).They are to start next week, and I am wondering how to deal with the inevitable crying that will ensue because DD barely knows her father. The exact same supervised visiting I tried to instill months ago, but he refused to agree to, and went months without seeing her, is the same one a judge ordered. He could've at least used my plan as a stepping stone so she knows who he is, but now, its like we're starting from scratch, and I'm supposed to interfere as little as possible, just popping in to breastfeed (since she refuses a bottle with a passion). I know I'm allowed to comfort her every now and then if she gets highly upset, esp in the beginning, but how would you deal if she just seems inconsolable, constantly?? I don't believe in CIO (I follow an attachment parenting style of parenting). I don't want him running back to the judge and saying I interfere, but I don't know how else to reassure her that everything is okay and that mommy isn't abandoning her, and that its ok to get to know her daddy, without mommy around. Everyone else she's gotten to know, and is quite attached to, she's gotten to know with me around. Plus she's got 5 hour saturdays, some with my sister-in-law as the supervisor in another state, someone else she barely knows. How do I accustom her to that without it stressing her out too?? She's just such a happy baby, everyone (even complete strangers) is always amazed at how happy and "smiley" she is, I just don't want that to ever change, but yet she still has to get to know her father. He is notoriously uncooperative, so I doubt he'll even work with me in terms of gradually acclimating her (sigh). I just don't know what to do. Any and all advice welcome. 

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Re: How do you do it???

  • KyleTriggerKyleTrigger

    Unfortunately I dont think you can impose your style of parenting on your EX. Hopefully the two of you discussed what you were going to do as far as parenting styles before you had your DD.

    I am going through something similar but realizing that I cannot control what their father does with my children when they are with him. The good news is that it sounds like they are with you most of the time. If that is true I am pretty sure that she will fall back in to your style of parenting when with you. I always have a hard maybe first day when the kids get back but then they get right back in to the swing of the things with me and act like they never left.

     Hang in there sweetie. It does get a little smoother.

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  • FyreFlyeRushFyreFlyeRush member

    Talk to him, with the supervisor present, about your concerns. Make sure you come from the stand point that you want whats best for her. That you aren't trying to keep her away. That you think what's best is to go at HER pace, not his or yours. There are a lot of articles on API.org that should be able to help you.

    But, eventually, you HAVE to let her go. 

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