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Blended Families
New and Looking for a new point of view
I have been reading some of the post and wanted to get another point of view on my situation.
I have an 11 month old son. When my ex and I were together it wasn't pretty and we ended things on a bad note. After I found out about being prego things really hit the fan including me threatening him with a restraining order. I was induced and told him not to come, but I would work it out so that he could come after everything was said and done. Also his gf at the time was not allowed to come up because all she was gonna do is start drama.
Well at first everything was ok, but not perfect. I try to meet him once a week so he can see DS. I have never asked him for anything. Back in November he filed for a DNA test (after signing Acknowledgement papers) joint custody and against himself for CS. I was able to get a lawyer and she fixed a paper that he signed saying that I had full custody and that he would get visitation as I see fit. We went and did the DNA test. When we went to court of the results they were suppose determine to CS. Well the judge basically told him he was stupid because he was asking her to order him to pay me. Long story short he agreed to just work it out with me that there didn't need to be an order.
Since then I have received $100 and a $20 box of diapers from him. I have be thinking about taking him back to court because DS needs some stuff, but I have recently moved to the house that my FI and I have bought.
I am just looking for some advice. If something doesn't sound clear I?m sorry just tell me and I will explain it better. TIA
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Re: New and Looking for a new point of view
Unless the man is dead broke, and the court thought somehow that you just weren't going to get more money out of him, they have all done you a real disservice.
I'd find a child support calculator for your state, and work out the numbers. Then call a local child support enforcement office and ask what you need to open a file with them.
While you're putting that paperwork together, either call your attorney or find a new one.
You need to get a CS order immediately. I cannot believe a judge told you two to "work it out." What a joke.
Why did your attorney not find this odd?
Why the hell would any judge tell people to work it out and not put an order into effect?? Moron... and why would your lawyer just let you do that??
Anyway, you need to go back to court. Your ex is as financially responsible for this child as you are. CS and visitation are two different beasts. There are parents out there that are THOUSANDS in arrears, yet the other party cannot deny them visitation on this merit alone. Please, go back and get a lawyer. File CS papers. This protects YOUR CHILD. A lot of mom's get that guilt complex like they can do it alone, they don't need anything bla bla bla... this isn't for you. It's for your child. It's not a free hand out. It is for the child that you both made, and that now you are raising. If you don't get an order there is nothing you will ever be able to do but resent him for not providing anything for his child. I know people who don't need the CS and live comfortably, but they STILL take it because it's for the child. There are SO many expenses for a child, you have just tasted the tip of the ice burg with diapers, and formula... wait until your child wants to do soccer, or dance, or karate... that stuff gets really expensive.
My husband's mother was well off on her own. She still enforced CS and had it mandated (H's dad was always on time though and never really put up a stink about it, but his mom still made sure it was through the court to protect them). She never needed it and put all that money in a savings act for H and never told him about it. When he was 18 and he wanted to own his own karate school (He has done karate his whole life and it is a passion of his to teach and compete). She gave him the bank information and told him to follow his dreams. He had enough money in there from 18 years of CS to open his own business and be comfortable while it grew. What an amazing thing that was for him. And yes, we own the same business today. I am able to stay home and help with our business and we are our own bosses. We are so blessed, and I'll never be able to thank my MIL enough for that wonderful gift she gave to my husband, because it has allowed me and my children, our family, a wonderful life.
I know not everyone (hardly anyone) is in the financial position to do that, but it's just to give you an example that CS is not a joke. That man is responsible to financially support that child he laid down with you to make. Do not feel ashamed, and do not ever let him make you feel like you don't deserve it. My mom always guilted my mom to get out of CS. She never let him off the hook. It takes a lot more to raise a child than the CS that gets awarded anyway.
Long winded. Sorry. I get so mad at these parents (men and women both) who think they don't have to financially support their children and leave it on the other parent. Good luck with your FI, and welcome to the board.
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"Karma1969: If baking someone a birthday pie/cake is romantic, I must be a slut."
Sounds to me like the judge told ex that if he wanted to open the can of worms on custody he was also going to have to pay child support and he just dropped the whole thing. Is that right?