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January 2013 Moms
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Staying Home After Baby is Born
My Husband wants me to stay home with the baby. I want to stay to but I am scared that I will lose who I am by being a stay at home mom. I have a degree in HIM and it has been hard to find a steady career. I dont know what to do.
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Re: Staying Home After Baby is Born
My hub and I have had this discussion as well. I'm sure he would love for me to be a stay at home mom. But, that has never been in the cards for me. I have been working outside of the home since I was 14 and that is a huge part of me.
I think you should plow forward and see what happens. If you can't find steady work, then you might have your answer, albeit temporary. .
Above all, you must also be happy. So, don't forget to take stock in what makes you whole. The new baby will likely fill in a lot of those gaps, but only you will know if that is "enough" to go without a career.
As a SAHM you have to do things for yourself, if you don't, you will lose yourself in the process, but everyone is different.. you seem to be really aware of your emotions, so if you know now that you may feel that way, maybe it's a good idea to start looking for things to do once the baby is here. I know there are a lot of moms day out programs where you can leave your little one for 2 hours while you go see a movie or shopping.. and if you aren't comfortable with that, just make sure that you do find a great babysitter, whether it's a good friend or family member and make sure that you do date nights at least once a week with your husband. it's really.. really important you guys keep that romance alive. I fought depression for many years and until I started doing things and going out, I was more spiteful at my husband because he was the one working and I was at home all of the time.
if you are "crafty" maybe get into making things while you are at home and sell them online.. or get into some kind of hobby, where you will have that "outlet" to keep you sane. definitely get a good group of mom friends and have play dates.. because sitting at home doing baby things all day, will definitely become overwhelming. that's the best advice I can give. I've been a stay at home working mom for 4 years now.. and while it's great being able to watch her grow, it's sometimes really hard and lonely!
I'm planning to be a stay at home mom, but I'm not really leaving a career behind - I already left a career in TV news two years ago and I've been bouncing around doing some office work ever since. So this has been an easy decision for me. I don't think that I'm going to lose who am, but I know it will change who I am. That part is pretty unavoidable.
It sounds like you're pretty conflicted about it and may have to do some soul searching about what you want, not just what your husband wants. If you want to stay home, then you should try it out. If you don't, then you should discuss this with your husband and work out a solution. Maybe you can work part-time? If you're not working full time, maybe you take some extra time off and then try to find work when your baby gets a little older?
Someone wrote earlier, and I forgot to quote, that above all, you must be happy. This is key. Your baby will not benefit from you staying home if you are doing it for the wrong reasons - like doing it just for your husband and not for you. Good luck with making your decision!
Also, look into groups of other stay at home moms. There may be a MOPS (mothers of pre-schoolers) group in your area or other groups. These are great places to get together once a week with other SAHMs. It will help you find a new identity.
Remember, it will take lots of time to adjust. You will love parts of it and at other times your will get frustrated. Find outlets to help you with that.
I too will be a SAHM. There may be some work I can do from home. If possible, I will, but I have never found my identity tied to my job. However, I really look forward to finding my new niche that I can be a part of with other SAHMs.
You can always try it & see if it's something you want to do. It's not like it would be permanent.
Personally, I love being a SAHM.
BFP #1:10/31/10 DS born 6/22/11BFP #3:4/24/12 DD born 12/31/12
Staying home for a few years now doesn't mean that you're neccessarily giving up your career forever. My mom stayed home with my sister and I until I was 6 and my sister was 4; she got her master's degree in counseling part-time during those years. She's spent the last 25 years working as a guidance counselor and has had a pretty good career.
I can see where it is a tough decision, and I would certainly have reservations about staying home myself (mainly for my own sanity), but it doesn't necessarily mean you have to give up everything you've worked for thus far.
Baby248 - ETA 1/10/13
I have a friend at work who works 1 or 2 days a week (short shifts). She says its nice to have some extra $$ & have adult interaction. She didn't come back right away or anything.
Other then that, I say go for it. I so wish we were in the position where I could stay home. Enjoy it
After having my son I became a SAHM (I was a 6th grade teacher before). I'm not going to lie, it was a huge adjustment at first, my biggest advice is to get connected with other moms in your area and make a schedule I'm very type A and the lack of structure almost killed me until I started planning in regular activities.
I will say that I did adjust, and have never regretted my decision to stay home. Every mom and every family is different, you have to find what's best for your family.
Good luck!
Being a SAHM is something that you're going to have to want to do to enjoy doing it. It's definitely a decision you and your husband need to make together, not just do it because he wants you to. Also, you are going to have to work at not losing sight of yourself (and your husband needs to be on board to encourage you to do things for you) because it's extremely easy to just become caretaker of the family and forget about yourself. A good support system is important, and by that I mean finding friends who are going through similar things (SAHMs with kids your age). It IS possible to to find a good balance though, I'm just saying you need to be intentional about it
Anyway, just my $0.02 as a mom who left her career 2 1/2 years ago to stay home.
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This. Also, affordable daycare would be nice, as well. DH and I HAVE to work (jealous of you SAHMs-to-be!) and daycare costs are a real struggle. We're probably limited to one child because of it (well, that and my age). I read an interesting article on the fact that, if families are provided financial help with daycare, it encourages them to have larger families and ultimately leads to a larger work force over time, which helps the economy. This has been important in Europe, where birth rates have been negative for years. Our leaders could get a clue on this!
Married 5/2/09 To my best friend