Sh*t people say

lrichmond86 · July 2012

I know we all LOVE to hear about the stupid things people say (note my sarcasm here). Here's a good one...

My dad's cousin came up from PA to visit and stayed at their house over night. We haven't seen these relatives in many years, but I am certain that they knew about baby Gary through my grandparents. This cousin has a daughter who is exactly my age (26) and who already has 2 sons (irresponsibly, I might add, with a dead-beat dad, but that's besides the point). All three of them lived with this cousin until the older son was 3, at which point they moved in with said dead-beat dad. She is telling me this story (as if I really care) and when she gets to the part about them moving out concludes with "Well, I was just devastated! I felt such a sense of loss. I grieved over them for months."

I didn't say anything. I just turned around and walked away. What I wish I had said? "Lady, you have no f***ing idea what loss is, what grief is. You can get in your car and see your grandchildren any time you want to. I will never see my son again. I'll never hold him or kiss him again. When you've buried your child, planned their funeral, visited their grave, then you have the right to tell me that you grieved over them. Until then save your f***ing drama for someone else."

Ugh! Some people!

Petunia844 · July 2012

How could she tell that story to you? People are so dumb sometimes.

I have one too, **warning it's pgal related: yesterday DH and I had one of our growth scans, we get them every 4 weeks. We had to have a different u/s tech b/c the place screwed up our appt, anyways... she says "Is this your first?" To which I said, "no, our first was stillborn, that's why we're here." She then says "Well yea, so this will be your first."

She then goes on to say things that make it clear she's read my chart, are you f*cking kidding me? What I wanted to say "As you clearly read, I had another son, he may have been stillborn but he was STILL born you b*tch!! How dare you??" Ugh, and to think she works in an office that surely deals with plenty of women in my situation... seriously wanted to throat punch her.

mollywobbles13 · July 2012

Holy crap what is wrong with people? Sorry both of you had to deal with such idiots!

foxxy1 · July 2012

*HUGS* to irichmond. That is god-awful. I hate it when people do that. Don't compare a situation to a loss. Completely different things.

And I'm sorry, Petunia. You're more woman than I am. I would've cursed that tech out. I have no filter anymore.

pottermommy · July 2012

Ugh I am so sorry. People say the dumbest crap.

Last week after I told my boss about me M/C she told me, "the craziest stuff happens to you, honestly your life could be a comedy........"

Really....A comedy....Please find the funny in my life, or my siggy for that matter.....

Sigh I think people speak before they get the chance to think 90% of the time.

Roxycc55 · July 2012

Sometimes I think people are literally insane. Each of those stories proves it more to me. I am so sorry you all have to deal with idiots like those people. Unfortunately it seems like a part of dealing with a loss that no one realizes until they are going through it is having to hear idiotic things almost daily, Some obviously even more insanely stupid and awful than others. Ugh, people.

tubbsy32 · July 2012

People are MORONS! But, for some strange reason I am sitting here laughing at this, not because of people's dumb ass comments, but bc of all the things we would like to say back or do to them.....like "throat punch" (lmao). Could you imagine if we just reacted without thinking to their comments, like they talk without thinking?!?!?! I for one, would prob be in trouble with the law. LOL! My DH just asked what I was smirking about, my response "throat punching". His response, "I don't think that's legal". LOL! Ok, I think I'm entertaining myself a little too much with the thought of punching someone.

dandywarhol · July 2012

The ones I really hate have to do with how our losses are "a blessing". Seriously? I really struggle with how losing a child (no matter how old) could ever be a blessing. A blessing would be giving birth to a live, full-term, mentally and physically healthy baby.

lrichmond86 · July 2012

tubbsy32:
Could you imagine if we just reacted without thinking to their comments, like they talk without thinking?!?!?! I for one, would prob be in trouble with the law. LOL! My DH just asked what I was smirking about, my response "throat punching". His response, "I don't think that's legal". LOL! Ok, I think I'm entertaining myself a little too much with the thought of punching someone.

Tubbsy, this cracked me up this morning! We have to find the humor in things or we'd cry all the time. I guess I do find people's stupidity a little bit funny, too.

StephK86 · July 2012

Seriously?!? How stupid and ignorant can you be.

(Warning Rainbow Mentioned) When I was pregnant with my rainbow baby I always had terrible anxiety when I went to get my frequent u/s. The tech could tell I was nervous and decided to "comfort me". This was by telling me "Don't worry this baby will live, he will be just fine. There is no way you could lose two children in a row."

The absolute worst one that I can think of right now was told to my mom. She had just returned to work and of course was beside herself. This lady came up to her and said "Well at least you got to see your grandson, I never get to see my granddaughter." WTF?!? Her granddaughter is ALIVE. We had a very short time with Gavin here on Earth. Is she honestly saying she would rather switch places.

I have a million of these stories from these idiots after two years and a rainbow baby.

Bayberry12 · July 2012

Ugh...I really hate people sometimes. Really, nothing compares to our losses, and I can't stand when people compare something they went through to what we are going through.

Mrs Nice · July 2012

Ugh! People are so insensitive! I am so sorry she said that to you! Big hugs!

The worst that I ever got was that my son "will not get into Heaven bc he is not baptized." Gee. Thanks. That helps. Not!

ally2011 · July 2012

One that sticks out for me is seeing a man from our church at Lowes....he said "I heard about your problem, I'm sorry....but you can have another one." Honestly, it was one of those things that was so out of place that we got away ASAP and actually laughed because I said (as though we were still with the man) "Congratulations Millard, you have just passed Nancy as the person who has (so far) said the stupidest thing to us"....and my husband said "and bonus points for referring to our daughter as a 'problem'". People really should think before speaking!

Mrs Nice:
Ugh! People are so insensitive! I am so sorry she said that to you! Big hugs!
The worst that I ever got was that my son "will not get into Heaven bc he is not baptized." Gee. Thanks. That helps. Not!

As for this little gem....this person needs to open their Bible and READ before sharing this type of opinion. There is zero scriptural basis for this and a solid argument to be made that all babies and children before the age of accountability (which varies) DO go to heaven. I just wanted to make sure to address this in case this has been bothering you. I would LOVE to debate this with this person. Ugh. I am really sorry you had to deal with that. Hugs to you.

Mrs Nice · July 2012

ally2011:
One that sticks out for me is seeing a man from our church at Lowes....he said "I heard about your problem, I'm sorry....but you can have another one." Honestly, it was one of those things that was so out of place that we got away ASAP and actually laughed because I said (as though we were still with the man) "Congratulations Millard, you have just passed Nancy as the person who has (so far) said the stupidest thing to us"....and my husband said "and bonus points for referring to our daughter as a 'problem'". People really should think before speaking!
Mrs Nice:
Ugh! People are so insensitive! I am so sorry she said that to you! Big hugs!
The worst that I ever got was that my son "will not get into Heaven bc he is not baptized." Gee. Thanks. That helps. Not!
As for this little gem....this person needs to open their Bible and READ before sharing this type of opinion. There is zero scriptural basis for this and a solid argument to be made that all babies and children before the age of accountability (which varies) DO go to heaven. I just wanted to make sure to address this in case this has been bothering you. I would LOVE to debate this with this person. Ugh. I am really sorry you had to deal with that. Hugs to you.

Thank you so much for this! I am not a religious person so I tried to not let it bother me but I still think about it in the back of my mind.

This was from my boss who also said "everything happens for a reason" and that "he probably would have died due to cancer or something anyway even if he had of lived" AND "you can have another baby". All in the same breath! It felt like the bad comments would never end.

So stupid! He then wondered why I "wasn't feeling well" and asked to leave work early. (because I need to go have a good cry A**HOLE!!!)

ally2011 · July 2012

Mrs Nice:
ally2011:
One that sticks out for me is seeing a man from our church at Lowes....he said "I heard about your problem, I'm sorry....but you can have another one." Honestly, it was one of those things that was so out of place that we got away ASAP and actually laughed because I said (as though we were still with the man) "Congratulations Millard, you have just passed Nancy as the person who has (so far) said the stupidest thing to us"....and my husband said "and bonus points for referring to our daughter as a 'problem'". People really should think before speaking!
Mrs Nice:
Ugh! People are so insensitive! I am so sorry she said that to you! Big hugs!
The worst that I ever got was that my son "will not get into Heaven bc he is not baptized." Gee. Thanks. That helps. Not!
As for this little gem....this person needs to open their Bible and READ before sharing this type of opinion. There is zero scriptural basis for this and a solid argument to be made that all babies and children before the age of accountability (which varies) DO go to heaven. I just wanted to make sure to address this in case this has been bothering you. I would LOVE to debate this with this person. Ugh. I am really sorry you had to deal with that. Hugs to you.

Thank you so much for this! I am not a religious person so I tried to not let it bother me but I still think about it in the back of my mind.
This was from my boss who also said "everything happens for a reason" and that "he probably would have died due to cancer or something anyway even if he had of lived" AND "you can have another baby". All in the same breath! It felt like the bad comments would never end.
So stupid! He then wondered why I "wasn't feeling well" and asked to leave work early. (because I need to go have a good cry A**HOLE!!!)

Well I am a committed Christian and have heard this preached on by great pastors, have read commentaries about it and have read scripture for myself. I fully believe that he is wrong and your baby is with the Lord. Do not give his comments a second thought. And if it ever bothers you again, please feel free to email me at jenn (dot) craver (at) yahoo (dot) com to discuss. I would hate for a loss mom to be dealing with that on top of everything else.

As for everything else he said, I am just incredibly sorry. He has clearly lived a loss free life to not be able to come up with anything else. I know people don't know what to say, but honestly, saying nothing is an option folks!

Hugs to you,
Jenn

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