Pure vent.

meahganf · July 2012

I haven't been on in a long time, but I just need to vent.

DH's ex now has both kids and we are back to paying child support. Let me make this VERY clear...I do NOT have an issue with paying child support, they are his kids and he has a responsibility to them.

When SS was with us and SD was with her, there was a "no support" order for both sides. She was receiving housing benefits and DHHS tried to collect from DH. They couldn't, but at the custody hearing they showed up and got granted $1000 in back support.

What I DO have a problem with is that the amount of the support he is ordered to pay is more than what we are left with. We do not live extravagently at all. We were struggling before CS. Now after health insurance, CS, and the mortgage alone, we are living on about $75 a week. That does NOT include, car/house insurance, telephone, gas, electric, food, or ANYTHING else.

I also have a problem with the fact that DH's ex is one of these people who plays the system. She gets housing, food assistance, child support, she doesn't work because she doesn't want to, and just about every other type of help available. She doesn't get it because she truly needs it, she gets it because she knows how to use the loopholes. I have absolutely no issue with people receiving assistance that need it, and are trying to better their lives. This woman will even be bold enough to say that she live off of the state, and now us because she wants to.

On the flip side, DH and I both work and we qualify for NOTHING because our gross incomes together are above the state's limits. I take that back, I get WIC, which I am SO grateful for, especially since it's very likely that I will be eating the pureed baby meats that my son won't even touch.

I'm going to school to be a nurse and am taking out the maximum amount of student loan offered to me just so that I can make sure our bills can get paid. I have to wait another 3 months or so until those will be coming in.

So in the meantime I'm cancelling everything that is not absolutely necessary to our survival (the only reason the internet isn't gone is because my parents pay it for my schooling), we wear our clothes as long as possible before washing, we hang EVERYTHING on the line to save electricity from the dryer. We try to do all these things anyway, but I mean we are now taking it to the extremes.

My husband is so cranky I can barely stand him! I know he is feeling like once again she is taking everything away from him.

Please PLEASE PLEASE pray for my family!!!!!

CFjo2010 · July 2012

I'm sorry you're family is dealing with this. I have always felt that Food Stamps, Cash Aid and housing assistance should count as income for the CP as well as the NCP. The BM in our situation gets Food Stamps and it bugs me to no end that she doesn't have to "claim" it to DCSS. Thankfully in CA, if one parent refuses to work or is working less than they are able to then the Courts can input the parent at full-time minimum wage earnings. It's not a significant amount, but at least it's better than nothing.

Do you mind me asking why the kids are back with BM?

meahganf · July 2012

I don't mind you asking. The order for DH to have custody of SS(14) was an interim order because his ex wanted to move out of state and SS is a high risk when it comes to dropping out. Long story short DH and his EX mediated that SS would stay with us, and SS(11) would go with her. Not even two months later she was back in the area because no one would hire her.

SS is now back with her because it has been a year filled with his ex calling the cops on us for no reason to check on SS. All she has to do is say that she is worried about his welfare and they will come to the house. It got so bad that the cops even rolled their eyes at our door and said "She called again" We live in a small community so we know most of the officers. She brought PPO stuff against both my husband and I saying that was harass SS when DH would tell her "NO" to something she wanted to do. DH was expected to do chores, homework, etc while he was here and if that didn't happen he would get grounded. Well she didn't like that either.

I had to tell SD that she was not to come into the house when DH wasn't home. DH works 2nd shift, so he isn't home in the evenings. She was being problematic and disrespectful.

My husband says that pretty much ex wife is jealous. She doesn't like that we are married(and other than her we are happy), we own our home, I have a future career, we have a 6 month old, etc. She wants these things, but won't work to get them.

Oh, I found out that she referrs to me as "The Fat F*cking B*tch Your Father Married" last year. Along with "Fat Bastard" and "Marshmallow" along with some others. So one time when I heard SD call me that while thinking that SS and her were out of ear shot, I called her on it. I told her that since her and her mother think it's okay to call everyone in our family mean names that I get to make up names for all of them. I then asked who she wanted me to come with a name for first: her, her mother, her grandmother, SS, their older half brother, or their younger half brother. This got reported back to the ex as me having called them all names (I never actually stated any names, just asked who I should nickname first)

I know you don't know the back story, but ex tried to get me kicked out of our home when I was 30 some weeks pregnant. It stressed me out so bad I almost went into premature labor

His ex made our lives a living hell and it was starting to jeopardize my career. So SS is back living with his mother and I can tell you exactly how many days are left before SD and SS turn 18.

KTdidit · July 2012

meahganf:

IOh, I found out that she referrs to me as "The Fat F*cking B*tch Your Father Married" last year. Along with "Fat Bastard" and "Marshmallow" along with some others. So one time when I heard SD call me that while thinking that SS and her were out of ear shot, I called her on it. I told her that since her and her mother think it's okay to call everyone in our family mean names that I get to make up names for all of them. I then asked who she wanted me to come with a name for first: her, her mother, her grandmother, SS, their older half brother, or their younger half brother. This got reported back to the ex as me having called them all names (I never actually stated any names, just asked who I should nickname first)

Sorry you have to deal with her craziness, but I gotta say ^ that is extremely immature. You're not gonna get any respect if you drop to their level and threaten to call names back.

jurcgirl · July 2012

kaholland4:
meahganf:

IOh, I found out that she referrs to me as "The Fat F*cking B*tch Your Father Married" last year. Along with "Fat Bastard" and "Marshmallow" along with some others. So one time when I heard SD call me that while thinking that SS and her were out of ear shot, I called her on it. I told her that since her and her mother think it's okay to call everyone in our family mean names that I get to make up names for all of them. I then asked who she wanted me to come with a name for first: her, her mother, her grandmother, SS, their older half brother, or their younger half brother. This got reported back to the ex as me having called them all names (I never actually stated any names, just asked who I should nickname first)

Sorry you have to deal with her craziness, but I gotta say ^ that is extremely immature. You're not gonna get any respect if you drop to their level and threaten to call names back.

Um, this. Why in the world would you engage a teenager into dispectful behavior like that. Honestly it sounds like eveyrone in this story is mean, nasty and immature. You would not want someone counting the days down until your child turns 18, so why would you do it for your husband's children..or better yet, your child's sibling. YOU are supposed to be the adult.

meahganf · July 2012

kaholland4:
Sorry you have to deal with her craziness, but I gotta say ^ that is extremely immature. You're not gonna get any respect if you drop to their level and threaten to call names back.

Well, you are getting a one paragraph blip of the story. It was a lesson on how maybe she should think about what she says and how it affects others. That she has been taught that it is fine to call other people names, but when the idea of someone calling her family members names comes up, she goes ballistic. Which she did. An 11 year old told me that she would hit me if I dared to call her mother a name. I told her then she would deal with those consequences.

As of right now, I do not care about their respect. They have absolutely nothing to do with me or my son. You can take that as me being mean and nasty, but until you have lived in my exact shoes for the last couple years and dealt with exactly what I've dealt with then you just don't know. I could write the absolute longest post here, and it wouldn't be the same as having lived this disaster.

So that I WON'T be mean and nasty to my husband's kids, when they come to visit, the baby and I leave. If they come over for a few hours then we usually just head out and do errands. If they come over overnight, I have a friend that lets us stay with her for that time period. This is the best way for our family at this point. It is not at all what I wanted for us two years ago.

After being drug into court multiple times in the past year for custody and bogus protection orders from the other side, my husband is done too. He is also looking forward to them turning 18. Especially since his kids have no problem telling him that they only talk to him so that he will buy them stuff. Since he stopped buying them what they want they don't call or come over. Hmmm... coincidence? I think not.

Anyhow. Thanks for all the "support"(read sarcasm, except for the first responder who actually seems like she may experience close to what I do) I'm going to go take my mean, nasty, immature ass and play with my son.

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