Disturbed (Inappropriate Touching IMO) (NBR)

sschwege · July 2012

**Disclaimer this involves what I would perceive to be inappropriate touching. Please close this if it will upsetting to you.

So I was at the park this past weekend. I look over and see a man holding onto a girl (probably 6-7) standing in the center of a seesaw making it go up and down. Then the girl jumps onto the swings on her tummy and the man starts pushing her, using her bottom as a means of pushing her on the swing. Then a few minutes later they go over to the grass and she starts doing hand stands while the man holds her legs. She is wearing a skirt, so being up-side-down exposes her underwear. They do this for a little while. The man tries to do some hand stands and cart wheels as well with the girl. He starts rolling in the grass and then grabs the girl and they continue to roll together (so she is on top of him, then he rolls and he is on top of her, etc). Finally, they stop and she lays on him for a few seconds more. Soon after, they get up and leave the park. I had my eye on them the whole time and he never did anything you could call the police about, but still it made me really uncomfortable to watch. I noticed at least one other family that seemed to keep watching them and my DH said he also noticed and thought it was weird.

It just broke my heart to have such a strong feeling that something was wrong and not be able to do anything about it. I watched them leave and the only thing that made me feel a little better was that she was really well dressed and put together and the man looked like he had just spent the day doing yard work. His clothes were old and worn and he just didn't seem well-groomed. It made me think that the little girl was probably dressed and cared for by someone other than him and hopefully she is always there when he is around her.

I just hated feeling so powerless to help this girl and I'm still thinking of her and hoping she's OK. So awful, I just pray that my instincts were wrong.

LissaLee · July 2012

Obviously I wasn't there so maybe they were giving off a weird vibe, but none of what you actually described really things raises a red flag to me. Either I or my DH have probably done all of those things with our DD who is 5.

Personally, I would have forbid my DD from doing handstands in a skirt so no other creepers would be looking at her underwear, but its pretty common to see our DD with her undies showing around the house because she loves to watch TV upside down on the couch.

Hopefully for that girls sake everything was really okay and the situation was just misread.

ASmallWonder · July 2012

I honestly don't see anything wrong with what you saw. What if he's a dad who works outside all day, came home and wanted to spend time with his daughter at the park? And as much as people get all up in arms about underwear showing, would you have felt differently to learn she was wearing a swim suit under her skirt? Same exact thing but the perception is wildly different.

nealbl · July 2012

If that was her Dad I don't think a single thing sounds inappropriate. Maybe it was one of those you had to be there moments though.

My DH and DD roll all the time and she loves swinging on her belly. Really no other way to push her except from her behind.

My nieces are more the age of the girl you mentioned and they wrestle around with BIL. If they are in a dress while wrestling their undergarments usually show.

cwm11985 · July 2012

My dad used to hold onto our hands and let us "walk" up his legs and then do a little flip. He also would pick us up over his head at the pool and splash us down into the water. Is he a perv now too? Seriously, it sounds like they were playing.

sschwege · July 2012

I really do hope you are right and I misread the situation. Which is entirely possible. I have been taking kids to the park quite frequently for the last ten years (first as a nanny, then as a teacher and finally as a parent) this was the first time I ever felt uncomfortable and the fact that I am still thinking about it four days later worries me as well. But maybe I should just chalk it up to pregnancy hormones and move on, I mean what else can be done?

Wufroggy79 · July 2012

elmoali:
I honestly don't see anything wrong with what you saw. What if he's a dad who works outside all day, came home and wanted to spend time with his daughter at the park? And as much as people get all up in arms about underwear showing, would you have felt differently to learn she was wearing a swim suit under her skirt? Same exact thing but the perception is wildly different.

Agree with this too. If the girl showed no signs of being upset or uncomfortable, I think OP is jumping to conclusions.

drpayne · July 2012

LissaLee:
Obviously I wasn't there so maybe they were giving off a weird vibe, but none of what you actually described really things raises a red flag to me. Either I or my DH have probably done all of those things with our DD who is 5.

Personally, I would have forbid my DD from doing handstands in a skirt so no other creepers would be looking at her underwear, but its pretty common to see our DD with her undies showing around the house because she loves to watch TV upside down on the couch.

Hopefully for that girls sake everything was really okay and the situation was just misread.

this

nekorayne · July 2012

Yea, maybe it was a bad vibe but I have done all of this with my son and so has my DH. Honestly when I read all of that I thought it sounded sweet, maybe Daddy or Grandpa getting off a hard days work and taking their daughter/granddaughter to the park without showering first. I love seeing parents just getting caught up and playing with their kids. We are a very touchy family I guess because both DH and I hug DS and our nieces and nephews and play with them in that exact way. We are just like big kids and the kids in our family really love to cuddle and play. Maybe it was just a feeling you had and I could understand that but really physical contact is something most kids crave and should be ok with family members that are trusted. None of that seemed like bad touching. And for the record I am big on teaching DS about inappropriate touching so I understand where you are coming from, just all of this does not seem bad.

DragonflyBelle · July 2012

Did the little girl act in any way like she was scared, upset or otherwise uncomfortable with the touching?

If not, I think you're describing something completely innocent. My husband looks like a homeless person when he gets off of work because he works outside, he then takes our daughters who are dressed decently places...should he shower and put on Dockers and a button-down to take our kids to the park so it doesn't make others think he's abusing them or a child molester?

featherust · July 2012

I agree with PP. I don't see anything that would raise a red flag. My DH is a furniture builder and rugged looking. He is in crumby clothes all day until he comes home and changes into clean crumby clothes, but he is a great father. He will stop home and take DD for a walk and bring her to the market with him. I really hope that little girl isn't in trouble but just because he didn't look kept doesn't mean anything. However, if there was direct touching I would have called the cops.

Kitiara5512 · July 2012

FFS. Most likely that was a father at the park with his kid. Would it have suited you better to see him sitting in a suit on a bench texting away and ignoring her?

People who see inappropriateness everywhere are the ones I worry about, because it means that inappropriate behaviour is constantly on their minds. Oh wait, are you offended by the assumption I made? That man would have been offended by what you posted too, for the same reason.

sschwege · July 2012

mbenit4:
You title says inappropriate touching but you descibe none. This is more important to me than their attire.

My first title was "Disturbed at the Park" But then I thought there should be some sort of disclaimer in the title just in case someone doesn't want to read it.

IrishEyes0530 · July 2012

Kitiara5512:
FFS. Most likely that was a father at the park with his kid. Would it have suited you better to see him sitting in a suit on a bench texting away and ignoring her?
People who see inappropriateness everywhere are the ones I worry about, because it means that inappropriate behaviour is constantly on their minds. Oh wait, are you offended by the assumption I made? That man would have been offended by what you posted too, for the same reason.

Yes All of this.

jessalared · July 2012

The scene you described sounded like a cute dad playing with his baby girl!

violaplayer · July 2012

I think some of this comes from the fact that fathers play with their kids differently them moms do. It doesn't sound inappropriate from what you described.

gisa886 · July 2012

I hope someday my husband plays with our daughter that way. Please, don't be so quick to judge.

Bambina54 · July 2012

I feel bad for dads today. They can't even play with their kids without being accused of molesting them.

Mommyluv384 · July 2012

Bambina54:
I feel bad for dads today. They can't even play with their kids without being accused of molesting them.

This...all I could think is my dh does all of that with dd he's like a big kid and he would never ever harm her

6fsn · July 2012

Would you have felt the same way if a mom was playing like that with her son?

jovencita1224 · July 2012

I don't see anything wrong either, at least not based on the way his was described. if he was doing something sinister, it certainly wouldn't be at the park. It sounds like a dad and his daughter, and as someone who had no relationship with my father after he and my mom divorced, I will say that I always wanted a dad to do those things wih me. Toss me up in he air in the pool, let me ride on his shoulders, hig, wrestle, you name it-I saw other kids getting his interaction and I ached for it. I hope my daughter gets that type of affection from her father through her life.

I think that the girl was fine and you are reading way too much into an innocent interaction. Not every interaction between an adult male and child is like the penn state locker room scenario, you know?

tammynixx · July 2012

It seems like you made this assumption because of the way he was dressed. Nothing here seems inappropriate. It is very possible that this father just finished a long day of work and wanted to spend quality time with his daughter. Please don't be so quick to judge. If she was obviously upset or uncomfortable then I could see your concern but it definitely seems that you misread the situation.

LaurelBee · July 2012

Sometimes I get a gut feeling that something is terribly wrong. I can't explain it, it just hits me like a ton of bricks out of no where. I'll assume your feelings are coming more from gut instinct than what you actually observed. I agree that from what you wrote, it just seems like a loving father letting loose with his daughter at a park... But I wasn't there, so I don't know how I would actually feel react.

sschwege · July 2012

LaurelBee:
Sometimes I get a gut feeling that something is terribly wrong. I can't explain it, it just hits me like a ton of bricks out of no where. I'll assume your feelings are coming more from gut instinct than what you actually observed. I agree that from what you wrote, it just seems like a loving father letting loose with his daughter at a park... But I wasn't there, so I don't know how I would actually feel react.

You know, I think this pretty much sums it up. After reading everyone's posts I went back and read what I originally wrote trying to just pay attention to the facts, separate from the feeling. When I read it that way, I think more along the lines of everyone else, "that man is just a devoted, fun-loving father". But as I said earlier in my line of work I have spent the last 10 years as a frequent park-goer and this was the first time that has ever happened to me that I felt truly uncomfortable, like something was wrong. When I mentioned my uneasiness to my DH he said something like, "Yeah, I noticed him too" or "Yeah, I've been watching him too". Which is notable considering DH never pays attention to anything or anybody.

I really and truly pray that I was wrong. The girl did seem totally comfortable with him, so that's a huge indicator that everything was probably on the up and up.

BabyShipp · July 2012

elmoali:
I honestly don't see anything wrong with what you saw. What if he's a dad who works outside all day, came home and wanted to spend time with his daughter at the park? And as much as people get all up in arms about underwear showing, would you have felt differently to learn she was wearing a swim suit under her skirt? Same exact thing but the perception is wildly different.

This. Surely your DH isn't clean and pristine 24/7. I'm sure him going out with your little one and getting the same written about him wouldn't set too well.

Just sounds like a loving father/grandfather/male person in the fam that was having a blast with the little one!

Gomezmom530 · July 2012

I hate to be one with a different POV because I've been attacked a few times on this site but seriously...Im so happy that someone is paying attention to this kind of stuff. Back when I was in between the ages of 5-8, I was sexually molested and no one said a damn thing and it was evident everywhere me and that person went. This does sound like it was an innocent event but all too often, heads are turned the other way because they dont want to offend. I'd rather offend than to be sorry to hear worse in the future.

mben1119 · July 2012

6fsn:
Would you have felt the same way if a mom was playing like that with her son?

I'd like to hear OP's answer to this as well.

akating · July 2012

My Dh regularly dresses in holy jeans, skuzzy shirts, and doesn't comb his scraggly hair. This is of course when he isn't at work (there he wears a suit and tie). He gets treated like a punk kid. it actually pisses him off that people are so quick to misjudge someone who is dressed differently.

modiddly16 · July 2012

I think it's a little awkward that you were staring at them the entire time they were playing at the park. Was there a particular reason that he stood out to you that caused you to feel so uncomfortable? Makes me think twice about my daughter ever wearing a skirt around my husband, you never know who is across the park creeping at you while you're playing innocently with your kid!

tiffmatt · July 2012

If doesn't sound like anything was wrong, but if you are ever in a situation like this and just don't feel right you can always go talk to them. Just play it up as polite talk in the park. "Oh it that your daughter? I just love her dress, where did you find it?" Something as simple as that could get you more to the story. He may reply that his wife does all the girly stuff then mention how he does construction. Of course if he replied that he is "Uncle X" or something like that you can chat up more to see if any red flags are raised.

Eveanyn · July 2012

nekorayne:
Yea, maybe it was a bad vibe but I have done all of this with my son and so has my DH. Honestly when I read all of that I thought it sounded sweet, maybe Daddy or Grandpa getting off a hard days work and taking their daughter/granddaughter to the park without showering first. I love seeing parents just getting caught up and playing with their kids. We are a very touchy family I guess because both DH and I hug DS and our nieces and nephews and play with them in that exact way. We are just like big kids and the kids in our family really love to cuddle and play. Maybe it was just a feeling you had and I could understand that but really physical contact is something most kids crave and should be ok with family members that are trusted. None of that seemed like bad touching. And for the record I am big on teaching DS about inappropriate touching so I understand where you are coming from, just all of this does not seem bad.

This exactly. All of this.

ETA: It would have bothered me if you'd have gone up and said something. I was probably 16 or so and out helping my Dad find some new clothes for him. We're a very physically affectionate family, and I walked around the store holding my dad's hand. When he went into the dressing room to try on clothes a woman came up to me and asked if "that man" was my father. When I told her he was she said, "Well I would never let my son do that to his daughter." ... what, hold her hand when they're walking around the store? Was the inappropriate part the fact that I was 16?

I think some people judge situations too quickly. Yes, there are the bad situations out there that need to be stopped, but the vast majority are just parents appropriately loving their children, and there's nothing wrong with that.

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