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It's been one week and I still haven't had a big cry ...

kbseymourkbseymour
in Late Term and Child Loss

I am just feeling terrible.  We discovered that our baby had no heartbeat at our 12 week appointment (the little one was measuring 9w1d).  I cried when I found out and off and on for the next few days.   But there was no cathartic cry ... and there still hasn't been.  Had a D&C the day we found out ... so there wasn't a ton of time to process what was happening.  

Now I'm getting terrible headaches and my doctor thinks it is because I haven't fully let go of my emotional connection to the baby.  She said that I have intellectualized the miscarriage.  I had talked to her about how the pregnancy likely wasn't going well or that the baby was sick ... and that thinking about that it is as though my body was being kind and compassionate, letting that pregnancy go.  I do believe that ... but I know I still need to really grieve.  

Has this happened to any of you?  I'm very sad.  I do cry ... just a few tears here and there though.  I wanted that little life.  I'm lonely for the baby.  But I just haven't let loose and cried.  I'm frustrated and annoyed with myself ... I swear, I cried more when my dog died last year ... and I know that is just not right.  I certainly already loved my baby more than my dog ... even at 12 weeks, that little one was my family, a part of my heart.  I just feel guilty and upset ... but with nothing to show for it.

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Re: It's been one week and I still haven't had a big cry ...

  • kbseymourkbseymour

    Thank you so much.  I did cross post this on the board you mentioned.  I think a support group sounds really nice, actually.  I'm going to see what I can find in my area.

     Love and strength to all on these boards.

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  • ehlersmehlersm member

    I'm so sorry for your loss. As the others have said, there is no right or wrong way to grieve. That being said, I was so numb for the first three weeks and in some kind of haze. I remember it really hit me about a month out that this had really happened and it hadn't all been some terrible dream.

    Be gentle with yourself and allow yourself to feel whatever it is you do. Unfortunately there is no getting around any of this, you've got to go right through it. 

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
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