Still feeling overwhelmed..long vent/whine

n8swife · July 2012

I still feel really overwhelmed with being a mom and I?m not sure if it?s normal or not. I?m starting to wonder if I have some form of PPD or PP anxiety. I don?t even know if this is the right way to explain it or not but I almost feel ?paralyzed? or like I can?t do anything that a normal person does besides take care of Asher. I only work two days a week but I definitely don?t get anything done on those two days because I have to take/pick up Asher from my sister?s after an hour long commute to and from work so by the time we get home, he has to eat and go to bed. The other days that I?m home, I barely get anything done. Asher eats every 2 hours so I feel like I?m constantly nursing him. I try to rotate him among all of his toys?play mat, jumperoo, Johnny Jumper, bouncy seat, pack and play with toys, tummy time on the floor, reading books, etc?but he seems to get sick of those really fast. I try not to let him lay down too much because I?m still paranoid about his head developing a flat spot. I hold him a lot..my husband says I hold him too much. Normally starting at 5pm every day, he gets fussy and screams if I put him down. I try to clean and do laundry in between feeding him and holding him but it?s hard. So my house is a mess and I?m always behind on laundry. I barely ever make dinner because he freaks out if I put him down for too long. He?s always been a super gassy baby so he fusses a lot because of that. I cut out dairy to see if that helps, and it does, but then I eat something I shouldn?t have and we?re back to gassy fussy baby and I feel like a crappy mom.

Asher is a car seat screamer so I don?t take him many places on my own. He does a little better if someone sits in the backseat with him. We?re seriously on the third car seat and now he screams probably 50% of the time which is a huge improvement from before. I get stressed out thinking about taking him anywhere because of the car seat screaming and because he nurses every 2 hours. I have only nursed in public a few times and it stresses me out so I try to avoid it. I pump the 2 days I?m at work but only pump enough for his bottles while I?m at work so I don?t have much of a freezer stash to rely on. So I really feel like I?m stuck at home with him all the time.

Then I start comparing Asher to other babies his age and it makes me feel like I?m doing something wrong. For example, he?ll put his legs down in his jumperoo but won?t really jump..he?ll just straighten his legs out. Other than that, he won?t put weight on his legs so I assume I?m doing something wrong and he?s not hitting milestones. I know this sounds crazy and he is hitting his milestones but that?s just how I feel most of the time.

I hate to complain and I?m not even trying to complain or make people feel bad for me, I just feel like this can?t be normal. Or maybe it is normal but I see all my friends that had babies around the same time doing stuff on their own with their babies and I feel like I?m really failing as a mom. I don?t understand why I can?t do everyday things that I could do before I had a baby. Maybe I was na?ve before he was born but I thought I?d be a really laid back mom and I?d be able to adjust easily but I?m having a really hard time. I thought it would get better with time but he?s almost 5 months old now and I still feel like I haven?t figured this out yet. My husband helps out a lot which I really appreciate but I still feel like a failure pretty much all the time. We had plans to have a big family but now I?m kinda feeling like I don?t want to do that anymore because I don?t know if I want to go through this again.

I guess I?m just looking for any advice that you ladies have. Or maybe someone that can relate so I don?t feel totally crazy. I know I need to stop comparing myself to other moms and stop comparing Asher to other babies..but it is hard. I want to be able to function like a normal person with a baby but I don't know how to get to that point.

MegM2012 · July 2012

I know how you feel! I feel my baby is different in that he has to be held all the time and not just held as in sitting and holding but like standing and walking. He has to be entertained all day and moved from toy to toy. He hates the car seat and gets so worked up he vomits. Not saying your baby us like mine but after a lot of reading and Internet searches I found he is high needs. Search high needs and see what Dr. sears has to say. Search 12 signs of high needs or fussy baby. If this is like your child you are not alone. If not maybe you do have ppd or an anxiety problem that your doctor can help with. If you have questions you can msg me.

megahof · July 2012

Oh dear...I'm so sorry you're feeling so overwhelmed. I don't think I have it quite as bad, since Sophie has mellowed out in the last month or so, but she was definitely as demanding when she was younger. So I don't have a lot of advice, besides just telling you to hang in there, but I can at least commiserate and let you know that you're not crazy at all. If you need someone to talk or vent to, I'm here. :-)

pinkshades05 · July 2012

You're not alone! Natalie also eats about ever 2 hours and gets bored really quickly on the playmat, jumperoo, etc. She would rather be held and has recently decided that sleeping is overrated (again). However, the previous week we had my niece who likes to bounce off walls and that kept Nat pretty well entertained. I almost forgot I had a baby on top of watching my 7-year-old niece! I suggest taking your baby out on a walk or if you have a pool, try take him swimming. Getting out of the house is good for babies and if the carseat doesn't work, go for just walks. The world around us does a great job entertaining them Nat and I go for evening walks each night and she just loves them! It's also good for breaking a funk they might be in.

MollySm · July 2012

I'm sorry! I just wanted to say that Lucia isn't really a high needs baby, but I still can't manage to get anything done around the house! So you definitely aren't alone - don't feel bad about not getting anything done. That part will get easier as they get bigger and more independent, but will never really go away. Don't put too many expectations on yourself.

naturegal79 · July 2012

Aww, first of all... cheer up! You are not alone and there are many mothers out there feeling the same way... some wont admit it, but I will. I also feel this way too. I get more nervous then anything taking Reece out, not knowing how he will be such as crying in public ( why this is my biggest fear is beyond me) . I have been getting better the more I take him out, but its a slow process, what the kicker is is that Reece is laid back when we are in public! As far as milestones, every baby hits them at different times, some may just catch on quicker than others, it doesn't mean that they will never hit them. I am sure you are a perfect mom and you are doing everything every other mom is out there. Of course you hear your friends that had babies brag about what their children have accomplished, but what about the things they haven't accomplished? Everything will be ok, you are being what they call... NORMAL!

meaganbrand · July 2012

im with you on the anxiety and not getting much done. i work full time and am not adjusting well at all. i feel like all i do is work, clean, and take care of baby and like i can't do any of them good enough. DD isn't high needs at all, but i still feel like im not doing enough for her to help her thrive even though she's doing great. then i get to work and i just want to cry. i've been back for more than a month now and i feel like its getting harder not easier. DH doesn't get it and thinks i just need to relax which doesn't make me feel any better. as far as you not being able to get out of the house, i agree with PP about going for a walk. being outside always makes me feel better and DD loves being in the stroller looking at the world. fresh air works wonders. even if its just to the end of the block. i have no advice about the bf thing since we've ff from the beginning. hugs to you and hopefully all of us moms will figure this out.

boilerup227 · July 2012

I feel exactly the same way. I think I have a high needs baby and it sounds like you might as well. DS eats every 2 hours, will not nap (screams instead, regardless of whatever I try) and just generally needs constant entertainment. If I am constantly entertaining him and not trying to get him to go to sleep, he's PERFECT. Too bad that sucks the life out of me and he NEEDS to sleep once in awhile! Good luck, I know it's hard. I'm with you in that I really thought I would have some sort of routine or pattern figured out 4.5 months into this whole thing.

btartaroind · July 2012

Don't beat yourself up for feeling this way. I think most new moms feel this way to some extent or another. At my job I have been less motivated and at home all I do is ckean and take care of the baby. I think part of it is feeling like I'm losing my identity and part is exhaustion. Because of this I really try to go out with friends when I can and even take JB out somewhere just to get out of the house. It takes my mind off things and forces me to be social. More times than not I am happy I firced myself.

Hang in there, we are all still adjusting. If it starts to get really overwhelming to where you are depressed it wouldn't hurt to talk to your doctor.

butterandeggs · July 2012

I'm so sorry and, as others have said, you're not alone! To zero in on just one part of your post: if you're wondering about PPD and/or anxiety, I suggest talking to someone about it if at all possible. It of course depends on your insurance situation, but could your OB office refer you to a therapist? The way I see it, if you're regularly worrying "do I have this," it is worth getting more information from a professional and either getting help or ruling it out. Then, in a way, it is one less thing to worry about, one less "unknown." You'll have concrete information to work from.

There may be no need for a medical intervention (medication) but just talking it out can be really helpful. At about the 2-month-old mark, I was having a lot of trouble sleeping. I couldn't fall asleep between night feedings because I was a bundle of nerves, more often than not. Seeing a therapist a few times helped me get some new strategies for helping sleep and managing anxiety. I still have some trouble (I've never been able to fall asleep at the drop of a hat, even pre-baby) but it has gotten easier and it made me feel better that I was "doing something" about it.

88eve88 · July 2012

I could've written this post myself. I totally am feeling what you're feeling!! I hate nursing in public too, so I stay close to home most days. When we do venture out, it's only for an hour or two tops because of feeding and napping. I want to be the laidback mom you speak of, but I'm so far from there right now. I'm really trying to push myself out of my comfort zone, but it is hard. I get anxious way too easily! Luckily, my hubby is home for the summer and can give me some perspective. I know I should enjoy this time with my son because he'll grow up so quickly, but I can't help wishing if only he were a little more older and independent ...

ETA: I got cut off ... I think it's okay to not get things done and to let chores slide. It's impossible to do it all! Does your hubby know how you feel? I know you said he works, but perhaps he can give you some "me" time once in a while. I know it will get easier for all of us ... I'm just kinda impatient. Wink . You're definitely not alone in feeling this way! Take one day at a time and if you want, set SMALL attainable goals for yourself. {{HUGS}}

Jen0204 · July 2012

I agree that it couldn't hurt to talk to someone.

With milestones I even see a difference between my twins. And DD2 would live in the jumperoo if we let her and jumps like it's her job. DD1 sits in it and stares at you. Every baby is different, and don't feel bad about your baby doing things at a different pace then your friend's babies, or that you do things differently then your friends.

If you have friends with kids, could you try to plan outings with them? If they picked you up, then you could sit in the back with the kids so that your LO is happier, and it'll be easier to manage going out with help. Actually, my nephew hates being in the back alone, but when my girls are back there with him he's fine even though he can only see them through the mirrors my mom has on the seat, so your LO might be the same.

As far as having another, give it time and then make a decision. But remember that next time will automatically be easier because you'll know what to expect and be able to prepare for it. Soon you'll figure out tricks for your LO and then if you have the same issues next time you'll have some ideas for what to do. I'm kind of bummed that we definitely only want two because I feel like I'd be so much better at this the second time around!

sparks2987 · July 2012

First of all know that you are not alone, you need to step back and breathe. I think first you need some time for you to evaluate the situation.

I feel completely isolated sometimes because everyone else has something going on in their lives and I have work and take care of baby...that is all. I started adding in a few things just for me, that helped with the not feeling like me feeling. Also you need to not hold yourself to such high standards, if the laundry is behind...who cares, noone is going to die over that, if the house doesnt get cleaned to perfection today...who cares. If you cant cook dinner...who cares.

Start with just one thing, one thing you want to get done this day or this week. that is your goal, get that one thing done: say dishes. get the dishes done, and feel good for accomplishing it. Once you have that under control add another thing.

Also start with one thing you want Asher to do, say self soothe for 5 minutes at a time, practice practice practice until he learns it, then move on to something else until you feel better about how you are caring for Asher.

My motto, LO is fed and alive by the end of the day and I didnt get fired...it is a successful day, anything else gets done it is a bonus

busterbeagle · July 2012

I was feeling a lot of the same things as you are just two weeks ago. Dirty dishes in the sink made me cry. I felt like other moms naturally did everything right and I was doing it all wrong. I worried about DD meeting milestones, worried that I wasn't helping her become as smart as I should, worried about SIDS and car accidents and tiger attacks. I resented DH and everything he did annoyed me. I made a long list f all my feelings, and even though it seemed like a lot of normal new mom stuff, all together I had my doubts that it was normal. I called my OB and they confirmed that it's PPD. I've been on meds for 2 weeks and already feel like I'm coping better with the day to day. I start counseling next week and hope that will help even more. Please, if you have any concerns about PPD/PPA, call your doctor. It is the most common complication on childbirth, it is not your fault, and treatment is extremely effective. It is the best decision I have made as a parent so far, even though it was hard to ask for help or even admit that I might need it.

December192009 · July 2012

Dh and I talk about those same feelings we had with number one and (trust me, in time you'll be able to do this too...) we laugh! Now we have 3 (2.5,1.5,&4 mo.) can I just tell you that the "am I goin insane, is my baby normal, am I a terrible mother" feelings never go away if you already have them. But don't worry, over time you will start to cut yourself some slack, the seemingly endless household and baby tasks will become easier to complete, and some one will inevitably show you how great of a rockstar mom you really are. I can SO relate to the crying at 2 am doing everyone's laundry only to realize that the dishes still needed to be done, and I had a ton of work to complete before the next day's work hours would even begin (not to mention prepacking the daycare bag and realizing you don't have enough bottles or enough diapers) some how, it gets easier, things begin to fall into place, you get your sexy back, and then you'll find out you're pregnant again - oh wait, that's just me lol keep on keepin on sistah- you are doing an awesome job!! Sounds like you are really keeping that man fed, loved, entertained, and stimulated

and trust me- that and giving yourself a pat on the back (seriously I forgot how good it feels) are the only things that matter right now.

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