My mom already had to insert foot to mouth...DE related

lynn0926 · July 2012

I was telling my mom this AM how I had my second dream that I am having twins, but last night one was a boy with DH's nose. My mom says, well lets hope your baby doesn't have a Green nose (Green being my dad's side of the family). I explained how that will never happen. My mom says, sure it can, you have Green in you. Hello!!!! Mom, we used donor eggs, remember?!?!? I guess I should get used to it because I am sure that I am in for a lifetime of this.

vanessagorc · July 2012

I actually think this is sweet...she totally considers this to be ur child and her grandchild. I would have called the reversal (aka baby could never have a green nose) a slip.

This, to me, seems like genuine excitment and that she embraced ur choice.

winofairy · July 2012

Ducky719:
vanessagorc:

I actually think this is sweet...she totally considers this to be ur child and her grandchild. I would have called the reversal (aka baby could never have a green nose) a slip.

This, to me, seems like genuine excitment and that she embraced ur choice.

This is so well said - I couldn't agree more!

Yes Yes Yes

MAbride0808 · July 2012

vanessagorc:
I actually think this is sweet...she totally considers this to be ur child and her grandchild. I would have called the reversal (aka baby could never have a green nose) a slip.

This, to me, seems like genuine excitment and that she embraced ur choice.

I totally agree with this. I know people who have adopted and I can notice similarities between them and their children. I think that these connections just come.

theworms · July 2012

I think most people around us forget about using DE/DS and just are excited about the baby (ies) arriving.

While we think about it, most people don't.

lynn0926 · July 2012

vanessagorc:
I actually think this is sweet...she totally considers this to be ur child and her grandchild. I would have called the reversal (aka baby could never have a green nose) a slip.

This, to me, seems like genuine excitment and that she embraced ur choice.

I guess I didn't think about in that way, that she is just excited. I just cringed inside a little. When you use DE, there is an aspect of grieving the loss of your own family genes. I am going to have to learn to not allow comments about looks, etc. effect me, and let it roll off my sholders. It is just part of the process.

JM1977 · July 2012

I know a lot of the DE stuff can be awkward, but I agree with the PP that it's cool she's not thinking twice about it. My mom has been staying us since I'm recovering from surgery, so she's been spending a lot of time with our DD. The other day I asked her how much she thought about the fact that she's not genetically related to either me or my DH, and she said "Never - she's just her."

cutebride73 · July 2012

I think it is wonderful that your mom is "forgetting" that your baby won't be genetically related to your side of the family. I understand that there is a mourning process that you must go through or have gone through in the DE egg process, but it is so much better that this is her response. I think it would be worse if she was telling everyone she knew or met that you used DE's and made a big deal out of it (and I've heard some people have to deal with that!).

I am adopted, so I understand not being genetically related to my parents. But, I have always felt like I was. I mean if someone asks me what nationality I am, I say I am what they are and I have identified with those things. Now, if it's someone I know well or who knows I am adopted I may answer differently, but I don't announce "I'm adopted" all the time. Honestly, most people forget that I am - I was 6 weeks old at the time. My parents have also never treated my DD as anything but their grandchild. They don't say "Oh this is our adopted daughter's daughter" - she is their grand-daughter. Plain and simple.

So I hope you can embrace that your parents may say that your baby has this quality or that quality from someone they aren't really related to. It will make your child feel special and it is really sweet - in my opinion.

lynn0926 · July 2012

cutebride73:
I think it is wonderful that your mom is "forgetting" that your baby won't be genetically related to your side of the family. I understand that there is a mourning process that you must go through or have gone through in the DE egg process, but it is so much better that this is her response. I think it would be worse if she was telling everyone she knew or met that you used DE's and made a big deal out of it (and I've heard some people have to deal with that!).

I am adopted, so I understand not being genetically related to my parents. But, I have always felt like I was. I mean if someone asks me what nationality I am, I say I am what they are and I have identified with those things. Now, if it's someone I know well or who knows I am adopted I may answer differently, but I don't announce "I'm adopted" all the time. Honestly, most people forget that I am - I was 6 weeks old at the time. My parents have also never treated my DD as anything but their grandchild. They don't say "Oh this is our adopted daughter's daughter" - she is their grand-daughter. Plain and simple.

So I hope you can embrace that your parents may say that your baby has this quality or that quality from someone they aren't really related to. It will make your child feel special and it is really sweet - in my opinion.

Thank you for this! It has helped open my eyes. I appreciate your response.

jessager · July 2012

vanessagorc:

I actually think this is sweet...she totally considers this to be ur child and her grandchild. I would have called the reversal (aka baby could never have a green nose) a slip.

This, to me, seems like genuine excitment and that she embraced ur choice.

Agreed!! Yes

Mrkyrain · July 2012

I agree with everyone's responses. I think people are just excited and forget. I made a similar dumb comment to my BFF when she adopted her daughter. After it was out of my mouth, I realized what I had said. To me that little baby was a total part of my friend no matter how she came into their lives.

snoangel79 · July 2012

My mom always says well they were grown by you for 7 and 1/2 months so they are yours because they are a part of you <: I've had some people say my daughter looks like me <: Also had a dream about twins before "we knew"... A girl and a boy, the boy was much larger than the girl and her hair was dark and his was lighter (they were about 10 months). I had this dream at "3 weeks" pregnant and it seems pretty close because the boy was just sitting there smiling and the girl was a fuss budget (pretty true to real life!!)

gidge · July 2012

I can understand why you cringed a little inside when she said that - I even cringe when people talk about others' babies looking like their mom/dad. It just makes me wonder how I'll feel when people comment on our baby. We haven't told our families we used DE, so who knows what they'll say.

I do agree with the other ladies though. It's wonderful that your mom isn't thinking about the DE part at all!

AmCheri · July 2012

lynn0926:
vanessagorc:
I actually think this is sweet...she totally considers this to be ur child and her grandchild. I would have called the reversal (aka baby could never have a green nose) a slip.

This, to me, seems like genuine excitment and that she embraced ur choice.
I guess I didn't think about in that way, that she is just excited. I just cringed inside a little. When you use DE, there is an aspect of grieving the loss of your own family genes. I am going to have to learn to not allow comments about looks, etc. effect me, and let it roll off my sholders. It is just part of the process.

I fully agree with V, but understand why you cringed. Don't you think that DE moms will be more sensitive to this issue than anyone? While we may never forget, I think it's fantastic that those around us do -- because it is not important. When someone says, "Gee baby X has your smile," I'd be delighted and thankful for the way this crazy world works. Hugs.

MelleTX · July 2012

I understand your feelings.

And although it is totally medically wrong, I still feel like that baby grows inside of you for 9 months. Your blood flows through his blood. It hears and feels your every move, your every breath, your every heartbeat. It's getting everything but it's DNA from you, how can it not take on parts of you - even if they are intangibles.

Adopted children often take on characteristics of their parents. My best friend is adopted but to me she looks so much like her mother because she scrunches her nose the same way, she tilts her head the same way. Her laugh and all her mannerisms are the same as her mom's because that is what she grew up with. It makes them more alike, to me, than their DNA.

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My mom already had to insert foot to mouth...DE related

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