Started really telling people and...[vent]

reyorra · July 2012

So at 13 weeks along, and after my second doctor visit, I am feeling comfortable enough to start telling more family. The issue is that my family is huge. My husband's family all learned at about the same time because he really just has one aunt and uncle and four cousins. So they are really easy to get in the same room at the same time.

My family has a multitude of aunts, uncles, cousins, great aunts and great uncles, second cousins, third cousins...all of whom I see at least once a year, with the exception of a few who live out of town.

So tonight, I took a big step by telling my mom's brother and his wife (my uncle and aunt). Now my mom is concerned that the other side of the family (my father's family) or my mom's friends will find out through the grapevine instead of directly from us.

I don't know what to say to her. There are probably going to be people who find out in a way we don't want them to. I just can't keep it a secret any more. I have friends still to tell, work still doesn't know...but they're all going to find out soon anyway. I feel like at this point, I have to tell people when I see them, because otherwise it could be months before I see them again.

Is anyone else dealing with keeping the secret, or trying to tell people in the right order?

Blackfire12 · July 2012

My problem is more that my dads side abhores my family, and quite frankly I abhore them.

On a serious note though, Id tell your mom you plan to tell everyone you can, if they hear it from elsewhere then so be it. And I only say this because when it's time to tell my dads side of the family I know this will be how it happens, it's just gonna be passed down the line.

erkie · July 2012

We told our parents & siblings first. A couple weeks later, we told the grandparents and I told a few of my cousins that I'm close to. Once we did that, we let the word spread. Like you, I have a huge extended family (who lives out of town) and there was just no way we could possibly tell everyone. Nobody was offended and I think it was the only way.

EAMommy · July 2012

I can completely understand the drama... My family is full of it.

We sent a mass email so everyone found out at the same time. (I did call my mom before sending the email...but everyone else found out via the email.) It worked really well for us. I send monthly updates, basically just a "had a great doctor's appointment today... everything is perfect..." the same way so everyone is on the same page...

sesigs · July 2012

I also have a big family. I thought spreading the news would happen a certain way but it almost immediately started leaking out through the family. If YOU don't mind the news coming out through the grapevine then don't worry about what your mom thinks. Personally, it came as a relief not to have to track everyone down myself and I was just excited for my family to know no matter how they found out!

dlbrous · July 2012

I told my mom she could be in charge of helping me spread the word via phone call if she wanted to... We also have a large family. The idea of calling so many people is impossible and exhausting just to think about. I like the email idea, but we didn't go that route. It's impossible to tell everyone in person, so don't worry. Hopefully, they will just hear the news eventually and be very happy.

IsaiahGirl · July 2012

dlbrous:
I told my mom she could be in charge of helping me spread the word via phone call if she wanted to... We also have a large family. The idea of calling so many people is impossible and exhausting just to think about. I like the email idea, but we didn't go that route. It's impossible to tell everyone in person, so don't worry. Hopefully, they will just hear the news eventually and be very happy.

This. If your mom is worried, get her involved. I barely had to tell any of my large family because my mom was so excited, she called everyone first!

reyorra · July 2012

erkie:
We told our parents & siblings first. A couple weeks later, we told the grandparents and I told a few of my cousins that I'm close to. Once we did that, we let the word spread. Like you, I have a huge extended family (who lives out of town) and there was just no way we could possibly tell everyone. Nobody was offended and I think it was the only way.

I figure that the out-of-towners will learn from their in-town family. I have no problem with them learning organically.

dlbrous:
I told my mom she could be in charge of helping me spread the word via phone call if she wanted to... We also have a large family. The idea of calling so many people is impossible and exhausting just to think about. I like the email idea, but we didn't go that route. It's impossible to tell everyone in person, so don't worry. Hopefully, they will just hear the news eventually and be very happy.

The big thing right now is that I still haven't told my grandfather and his wife (my step-grandmother who I don't particularly care for). My mom is concerned that they learn from me and not through the grapevine because the wife can be pretty vindictive if she feels slighted. She has control of my grandfather's pocketbook, and although my husband and I don't need the assistance, having it available is better than being cut off from it. While I would prefer to tell them in person (because he is my grandfather after all), the relationship is awkward, and I don't feel like setting up an entire lunch date around what will be a 5-minute conversation with him. Instead, I will most likely call them tomorrow afternoon and give them the news over the phone. We'll see how it goes.

horae4me · July 2012

same here! i have a big family. though i have only told my mother and brother so far. I have to tell so many more, but like you i just don't really see any of them. so my plan is (once i tell my father) to then let them (mom and dad) spread the news to the rest of the family. i'll let them make the calls to their brothers and sisters to tell them. that way i can tell my cousins and all will be happy. my mom is excited to get to share the news herself once i give her the go ahead. she has been pretty great keeping it a secret for this long.

Kie310 · July 2012

My mom's family is HUGE too, like we are all over the country and are lucky to see eachother every other year for a holiday. It is what it is. I told as many people in person, with both pregnancies, as I could. And yes people heard through the grape vine. Really no reason to get panties in a bunch. The news is great news either way.

Sending out a mass family email might help if you really want everyone to find out from you.

kristinrotondo · July 2012

Do the best you can, but do it your way. We wound up telling some of my friends before parts of his family because that's just how it happened - like you're saying, it was the order we saw them after we decided it was "telling time." Good luck!

FreyaWin2382 · July 2012

Meh, honestly I wouldn't worry about this. Tell who you think you can/should in person, but honestly (especially if the family is huge) I doubt that your pregnancy will be the first found out through the grapevine.

cindiesheart · July 2012

I say you wait till the next big family event, then hold your baby up and say..." We had a baby!" ha ha... totally kidding... I get where you're coming from with the big family thing... at the last family reunion for my husband there were about 500 deep and not everyone was there... Just do what you can with love and kindness and all the rest will fall into place.

reyorra · July 2012

FreyaWin2382:
Meh, honestly I wouldn't worry about this. Tell who you think you can/should in person, but honestly (especially if the family is huge) I doubt that your pregnancy will be the first found out through the grapevine.

Well, the unique thing about my pregnancy is that it is the first of my generation for both sides of my family, as I am the oldest grandchild on both sides. So in a way, I'm "blazing the trail." And I'm not quite sure how the news was spread when my mom's younger cousins (who had children in the last few years) told their news because I was in college so I didn't find out first hand anyway.

I guess that sort of answers my question...people will find out when and how they find out.

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