should i say somthing?

tina pierre · July 2012

my daughter told me that my x-husband girlfriend spanked her.......im pretty upset about that, i spoke to my x about it but he doesn't think his girlfriend did anything wrong......should i confront her?

nurrieum · July 2012

Hello, I'm a lurker here. As a SM but I like to see perspective from the BM side too. I read your post last night and I really felt for you but personally felt like I wasn't equipt to respond. Personally, I feel that this GF was WAY out of line to spank your child and that needs to be seriously addressed. However being really new, I don't know all your options for doing that. So I hope you don't mind but I posted about this on the blended family board. I got some responses and thought you might want to see them. I'm sorry for not asking a head of time and I hope I haven't offended you. Here's my post:

https://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/67108588.aspx

Eveamlizya · July 2012

lurchbaby:
Personally, I'd confront her. You and your Ex are the only people who determine if spanking is an acceptable punishment and you are the only two that get to carry out the punishment. I'd inform her that if she ever hits your child again you will be pressing charges. She is his GF not his wife.

agree 100%

DoodleBug4510 · July 2012

I'd confront her. I think spanking should be determined between you and your ex as a punishment. You should also talk to your ex about whether it's acceptable or not. Then everyone's on the same page.

bexram · July 2012

Eveamlizya:
lurchbaby:

Personally, I'd confront her. You and your Ex are the only people who determine if spanking is an acceptable punishment and you are the only two that get to carry out the punishment. I'd inform her that if she ever hits your child again you will be pressing charges. She is his GF not his wife.

agree 100%

hell, yeah. NOT okay.. definitely need to say/ do something

pinitbaby · July 2012

This might be my hormones talking but i'd be in her face if she ever laid a hand on my child.

Even if they were married and she became his wife, there are boundaries. i don't spank my kids as punishment and i don't judge anyone who does but i handle things in other ways. Schedules and foundations should be kept the same as possible in both homes to keep the kids settled.

nikkivonnekro · July 2012

Both me and DH arent ones to spank so if he let his GF spank her I would have a HUGE issue as its not how we agreed to raise our children! She should have waited till FOB came home and had him handle discipline it isnt her place.

keychain01 · July 2012

Ok, I am responding to this because I was a child who got spankings from a step parent. I don't see the problem with this AS LONG as that is something everyone agrees on. When I was younger my sister ran over my brothers hands with her bike (intentionally) and my step mother was the only person home and we were all outside. My sister was a little devil back then. She did get a spanking, and I feel like even to this day she should have gotten one. It wasn't a big deal for my bio mom or my dad. Not saying that is the way all families are, but thats how I was raised. Let me also say that my step mother had rarely ever given us a spanking or even a punishment, and my sister took advantage of that. She thought she could get away with it while my dad was not home. I'm sure I will get flamed for that because it seems like everyone is saying its the wrong thing to do! So far as my child, I guess it would depend greatly on how long step mother has known my child. And my relationship with step mom.

fauxshelley · July 2012

I would contact both the bio dad and the GF and let them kow that if she ever lays a hand on your child again, you will press charges. You really need to discuss disipline with your ex and make sure you have set boundaries for how both of you will handle your child and how any others (GF, BF, family) will handle the child.

Roselis · July 2012

I am going to play the devils advocate. If the dad thinks the punishment was fair, and she did it as punishment and not out of anger, then I see no problem with it.

When my friend and his GF lived with me, and his DS would come over for visits, his GF would spank him if necessary and it was never out of anger. She has already told me that if she watches DS, whom she calls her nephew, then she will spank him if she needs to and I am okay with that. I was spanked growing up. I will spank DS if I need to for discipline (some kids need to, some kids don't).

keychain01 · July 2012

Roselis:

I am going to play the devils advocate. If the dad thinks the punishment was fair, and she did it as punishment and not out of anger, then I see no problem with it.

When my friend and his GF lived with me, and his DS would come over for visits, his GF would spank him if necessary and it was never out of anger. She has already told me that if she watches DS, whom she calls her nephew, then she will spank him if she needs to and I am okay with that. I was spanked growing up. I will spank DS if I need to for discipline (some kids need to, some kids don't).

I totally agree with this!

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