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Crazy Town Confession

rockpaperloverockpaperlove member
in Infertility Veterans

DH and I have decided to take a much needed break from medicated cycling...physically, mentally, and financially.  We have been trying to get back out there socially and we are attempting to pretend to enjoy child free living until we save enough to cycle again.  We are taking weekend getaways, eating good food, drinking here there and everywhere, borrowing my nieces and nephews to fill the maternal gap...the list of masking the pain goes on. 

Here is my crazy town confession: I added an ovulation predicter app to my phone so DH and I can try naturally until we cycle again late spring.  I feel like slapping myself for being so desperate, but I guess I hold some sort of glimmer of hope for the ultimate miracle.  I have my OPK's ready to go and my ovulation predicter app says I should be ovulating this week based on when I had my last period.  The kicker: I have never had a positive OPK without medication.  Tell me I am not nuts.

Countless BFN(s)
Moving to IVF

IVF1 (ICSI): Long Lupron
6R. 3F. 3DT. 8Cell 1Grade 2Embies. 1Frostie.
Beta 1/22: 14 Beta 1/24: 24 Beta 1/26: 28
Round One Result: Chemical Pregnancy

Pressing Forward

IVF2 (ICSI/AH/ACU): Microdose Lupron Flare
13R. 11F. 5DT. 2TFR'ed. 1Frostie.
Round Two Result 4/30: Harsh BFN

FET. 2TFR'ed.
Round Three Result 6/25: BFN
Where do we go from here?

Moving forward with CCRM in 2013
ODWU revealed blocked tube(s). Lap 2/15.
Bilateral Tubal Ligation. Stage IV Endo.
Finally some (tough) answers.


IVF3 (ICSI/CCS): Antagonist with EPP
13R. We have 3 CCS Normal Embryos!


Lupron Depot: May 2013 to August 2013
Long awaited FET on 9/3. 2TFR'ed.
BFP on FRER 5dp5dt: IN SHOCK!
Beta1 9/10: 152.7! Beta2 9/12: 378! Beta3 9/14: 1224! 

1st ultrasound 10/1: TWO beautiful heartbeats!  Overjoyed!

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Re: Crazy Town Confession

  • mm29mm29 member

    It is not crazy IMO!  I will always ttc during unmedicated cycles.  I watch my CM, count my cycle days, and have been considering buying OPK's for my CBFM.  

    I found myself googling "natural fertility treatments" such as herbs to help make thing possible for me last night.  Now that is crazy IMO, at least for an infertile infertile like me.  Something like v.itex is not going to help me be more fertile then 750 iu of follistim daily, and yet I seriously considered buying it.  

    I think there is nothing wrong with hope.  I think OPK's are a great resource, because you never know when your body will surprise you and you ovulate :) 

    ::: Married June 2003:::
    TTC #1 since: Aug. 2008
    Me: 34, DOR, MTHFR-A1298C (heterozygous), decreased blood flow to uterus, Mild Endo
    DH: 38, Balanced translocation 5&10, unexplained MFI, normal SA and SCSA
    Tx History: IUI 1&2= BFN
    IVF# 1 W/ICSI= BFN
    IVF# 2: cancelled d/t no response
    IVF# 3= 1 egg retrieved=immature/not viable
    IVF# 4= c/p
    ***CCRM ODWU***
    Found DHs BT and Me-decreased blood flow to uterus
    Recommended DE IVF w/PGD, incorporate electro-acupuncture. Decided to cycle locally
    ***New RE***
    DE IVF# 1(cycle #6) w/pgd, (freeze all): 30R, 23M, 15F, slow/poor embryo development, 4 biopsied, 1 Normal "Norm"; DE IVF w/PGD, incorporate electro-acupuncture. 
    IVF# 6: (OE/DS) cancelled
    IVF# 7: (OE/DS) 1R, 1M, 1F, arrested day 5
    Plan-DE IVF# 2 (cycle #8): DE/DS in May 2015

    http://icanhazbabyz.blogspot.com/
    imageimage image 
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  • Mrs.McIrishMrs.McIrish member

    We totally still try on our own with OPK's, CBEFM etc.  I do ovulate so there is no physical barrier for us though. I just O crappy eggs. But I pretty much have the same percentage chance naturally as I do with IVF...

    I don't think you are crazy. You never know when a miracle will strike:-)

    TTC #1 since 8/1/10; Me:41 and BRCA1+, DH:46
    DOR (FSH 24.3)/ terrible egg quality ; homozygous MTHFR c677t
    5 IUI's: 2/11 to 6/11 and 1/12= BFN
    OE IVF#1-4 8/11-6/12= all BFN
    DE IVF#1 11/12 bad embryos= BFN
    DE IVF #2 2/13 BFP/Beta hell: m/c 5w6d
    CFNBC 7 months, not doing well; decided on guarantee program at RBA w/frozen DE
    DE IVF #3 1/14  ET 4BB; BFP;M/C 5w1d, incomplete m/c; MVA extraction in ER 7w1d

    DE FET#1 ET 3/1714; BFP, beta 1 3/27= 197, beta 2 3/31= 1586, beta 3 4/7= 13879!!
    First u/s= Twins with HBs at 6w2d! We are Team Pink x 2!!

    K & K born 11/21/14 at 38wks 4 days

    imageimage

    SAIF/PAIF Welcome


    http://waitingforraintostop.wordpress.com

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  • illinigalillinigal member
    Not at all crazy.  I still have delusions of a miracle bfp.  I O, but my cycles vary from 28-40 days so I never know when O will occur.  I've been temping and doing opks when we aren't cycling.  My dh just recently started taking clomid, so I'm hoping he will have some good swimmers make it through.
    TTC #1 since October 2008. Dealing with MFI.
    IVF #1 w ICSI in July 2010 = BFN
    IVF #2.1 in Oct 2010 converted to IUI = BFN
    IVF #2.2 w ICSI in Dec 2010 = BFN
    Met with new RE in new city on 1/31/11.
    IVF #3 w ICSI in April 2011. HPT on 5/9 = BFP!
    Beta #1 on 5/10 (10dp5dt) = 99.4. Beta #2 on 5/12 = 284. First u/s on 5/26. = Fraternal TWINS!
    Twin boys born & lost on 8/16/11 at 18w1d due to PPROM & preterm labor.
    IVF #4.1 in Jan 2012 converted to IUI on 1/7/12 = BFN
    IVF #4.2 w ICSI in Feb 2012. Lupron on 2/10. Stims on 2/18. ER on 2/29- 7R,6F
    ET scheduled for 3/5/12- nothing to transfer :(
    Dh seeing new MFI uro & Dh starting meds- June 2012.
    IVF #5 in Dec 2012 = BFFN.
    IVF #6 planned for Spring 2013. Praying for our take home baby/ies.
    **P/SAIF and P/SAL always welcome!**

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
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  • Sony22Sony22 member

    Not crazy at all!

     

    Me 33. DH 32. TTC Since 6/2011. 12/2012-m/c, CP. DH: MFI. CCT/HSG/day 3 blood work-all nl. IVF#1 ER- 8/7/12, ET- 8/10. beta 8/25 neg, I did not respond as expected. AMH: 0.88. IVF#2 BCP-10/19. Micro flare Lupron-Nov: It's a bust. IVF#3 Planned for Feb '13 with a long lupron protocol ON OUR OWN!!! BFP- 1/12/13. Yay! EDD 9/18, now EDD 9/25
    Report Reply
  • reb259reb259 member

    As much as I would love a miracle BFP...I realize that will never be me.  I can't even get flucking ku'ed with DE... sigh!!

    Hope you get your miracle...

    I am AMA and all tests on H came back normal
    3 failed IVF with OE and 2 failed frozen DE cycles
    Last fresh hail mary DE cycle starting Feb 2013
    PAIF/SAIF always welcome
    Report Reply
  • SweetDahliaSweetDahlia
    I don't think it's crazy. I hope for a surprise BFP each month, but I don't ovulate with out meds so I don't really see it. Lots of luck!!
    PAIF and SAIF Always Welcome!
    TTC since 2007
    6 IUIs, 3 IVFs, and 2 m/c :< PCOS, Blood Clotting Disorder & MFI
    IVF #2 Aug 2011 is a BFN:<
    IVF #3 March 2012 is a BFN
    Not sure what to do now. Sad and lost.
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
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  • lynn0926lynn0926 member
    I don't think you are crazy at all. Even when I was told by my doc to move onto DE and hearing another opinion after that that I have a 5% chance with IVF, I still tried naturally.
    Pregnancy Ticker
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  • rockpaperloverockpaperlove member

    Thanks ladies for making feel not so crazy cakes.  Embarrassed

    Countless BFN(s)
    Moving to IVF

    IVF1 (ICSI): Long Lupron
    6R. 3F. 3DT. 8Cell 1Grade 2Embies. 1Frostie.
    Beta 1/22: 14 Beta 1/24: 24 Beta 1/26: 28
    Round One Result: Chemical Pregnancy

    Pressing Forward

    IVF2 (ICSI/AH/ACU): Microdose Lupron Flare
    13R. 11F. 5DT. 2TFR'ed. 1Frostie.
    Round Two Result 4/30: Harsh BFN

    FET. 2TFR'ed.
    Round Three Result 6/25: BFN
    Where do we go from here?

    Moving forward with CCRM in 2013
    ODWU revealed blocked tube(s). Lap 2/15.
    Bilateral Tubal Ligation. Stage IV Endo.
    Finally some (tough) answers.


    IVF3 (ICSI/CCS): Antagonist with EPP
    13R. We have 3 CCS Normal Embryos!


    Lupron Depot: May 2013 to August 2013
    Long awaited FET on 9/3. 2TFR'ed.
    BFP on FRER 5dp5dt: IN SHOCK!
    Beta1 9/10: 152.7! Beta2 9/12: 378! Beta3 9/14: 1224! 

    1st ultrasound 10/1: TWO beautiful heartbeats!  Overjoyed!

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  • MBfromBMCMBfromBMC

    Totally not crazy. When I was on our treatment break, I considered even getting fertility monitor. When something is such a huge part of your life that it is like a second job, it is hard to just drop it cold turkey. 

    Hey, you never know... GL! 

    imageimageimage

    TTC since March 2009 // Me and DH - 28
    Testing Summer/Fall 2010 - Unexplained IF
    IUIs #1-4 ~ Clomid/Ovidrel/TI/IUI ~ all BFNs
    IUI #5 ~ Femara/Ovidrel/TI/IUI ~ BFN
    IUIs #6-9 ~ Research Study Meds/Pregnyl/TI/IUI ~ all BFNs
    IVF Consultation, More Testing
    Diagnostic Cycle ~ Mucinex/Progesterone/TI ~ BFN
    IVF #1 ~ Menopur/Bravelle/Ganirelix/Novarel/Progesterone/Lupron
    7R, 6F // 2 transferred // 3 frosties ~ BFN
    FET #1 ~ Estrace/PIO/Lupron
    3 thawed // 2 transferred // 1 lost // no more frosties ~ BFP!!
    Beta #1 - 456 // Beta #2 - 1176 // Beta #3 - 2933 // Beta #4 - 6753
    EDD: May 16, 2013
    Threatened MC at 6w2d
    Bedrest for SCH // 6w2d through 10w1d
    Elevated TSH and Lazy Thyroid DX @ 10w - Started Synthroid
    Finally released from RE at 13w
    Charles Everett ~ Born 5/20/2013

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker


    ~~ My IF Blog ~~ 

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  • jillychrisjillychris member

    I don't think you are crazy at all. We continued to try while we did acu in prep for IVF #2, and somehow I did pop out a decent egg that MH's low morph sperm managed to find. I continued temping and using OPK's in the off cycles, just in case.  My AMH had dropped down to .47 and my RE had said we had less than a 5% chance of conceiving naturally...so it can happen. You definitely never know...

    2/11 Diagnosis: DOR-AMH .62, LPD and MFI-4% Morph
    IVF #1-July 2011 7/9/11-Started Stims
    7/20/11-ER:No eggs in 4/5 follicles. Left the 5th follie intact and converted to an IUI
    8/3/11-Beta #1=BFN,
    Nov, 2011 BFP #1=m/c at 7 wks 3 days
    11/11-AMH .47, IVF #2 March 2012...or not!! Surprise BFP on 2/19. Beta #1=161. Beta #2 305 Our little miracle girl is on her way! Due Oct 29, 2012
    <a href="http://s1207.photobucket.com/albums/bb461/andersenspics/?action=view
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  • AmCheriAmCheri member
    imagerockpaperlove:

    Thanks ladies for making feel not so crazy cakes.  Embarrassed

    Sweetie, you are not crazy!  However, I must point out that we're all on the IF crazy train.  Crazy is relative, of course.  lol. Every off month, I've secretly still anticipated a BFP.  That's just what we do!  Hugs.   

    Baby girl Lila born 2013.
    Baby boy Henry born 2015.
    Expecting our capstone baby (boy) early March 2018.
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  • amethystgrrlamethystgrrl member
    No ma'am, not crazy at all! I think we have all hoped to be one of the few that have a miraculous BFP. GL.
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
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  • Roxie5739Roxie5739 member
    Not crazy at all. Even though we are done TTC I am not on BCP and DH will not have the dredded "snip" and there is the slimmest of chance that we can get PG and if we did it would likely end in a c/p. Regardless, there is that hint of hope that a miracle will happen. Crazy no, totally normal to me!!

    Multiple ectopics, 2 failed IVF's
    IVF #1: Did not get to ET, embies all failed PGD (major chromosomal defects)
    IVF #2: We have 2 chromosomally perfect embies as a result of PGD (Boy/Girl) 1 failed the thaw (Girl) Transferred 1, yet ended as a c/p
    Thought it was the end of our TTC Journey 6/20/2012
    SHOCK BFP 9/28/2012: IT'S A BOY! and everything is normal !!!!!!

    Little A born 38w 2d on 05/23/13 and is a true miracle for this IF Vet!
     

    image              

     


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  • GregermisGregermis member
    it's not crazy!!  ((hugs)) 
    TTC #1 Since 4/2010, Cycle 30
    Positive for HLA-B27, I'm a mutant :p
    Testing - Me ok, gluten issue? DH - borderline count, low motility
    4/28/11 IUI#1 = BFP!(5/25), EDD 2/2/12 - m/c 5w3d
    7/3, 7/31, 9/25 - IUI#2-4=BFN
    IVF#1 - 1 blast = BFP!! (12/30), EDD 9/9/12, confirmed c/p 4w2d
    FET#1 3/2/12 - 2 blasts =BFP!! EDD 11/18/12, us#1 = twins! Confirmed m/c 5w6d
    4/20-surprise BFP and another c/p 4w2d
    FET#2 7/16/12 - 2 blasts = BFN
    FET#3 8/20/12 - 1 blast - BFP!! Beta #1-2=177, 354
    1st u/s 5w6d, one beautiful little HB :), 2nd u/s 146bpm
    baby girl born 5/10/13

    TTC#2 since 12/17/2014, Cycle 8
    Repeat Testing...FSH=12, AMH=3.8, AFC=28. 
    IUI#5 5/10/15- c/p?
    IVF#2 8/19/15 - cancelled due to cysts
    IVF#2 take two 10/2015 - 5 blasts frozen
    FET#4 12/11/2015 - BFN - 4 blasts remaining
    FET#5 2/18/16 - BFP!!!  Beta1-3, 126, 250, 745!!

    Image and video hosting by TinyPicLilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

    Tons of love and ((hugs)) to my IF sister NMscubagirl


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  • mtlaurelmtlaurel
    imagereb259:

    As much as I would love a miracle BFP...I realize that will never be me.  I can't even get flucking ku'ed with DE... sigh!!

    Hope you get your miracle...

    I feel this way, too, but I'm still crazy enough to hope for a miracle, and track my cycle, too. That's the real b*tch about IF. Even if we decide tomorrow that we're no longer pursuing ART of any form, I know that I will have some small kernel of hope buried way down deep inside every month until menopause.

    TTC #1 since June 2010
    Me: 36, DH: 42
    Dx: DOR and MFI

    DH: low count + very low motility; hormones all normal; Sperm DNA Frag. test = poor to fair; male karyotyping normal
    Me: FSH 13.4 + AMH 0.26 + hypothyroidism; Scratch the hypothyrodism (?); Blood clotting and immune panel all negative; endometrial biopsy normal

    IVF #1 (MDLF - Jul/Aug 2011): BFN (9R, 5M, 3F with ICSI, 3dt of 1 10-cell grade 2, no frosties)
    IVF #2 (EP-antagonist - Sep/Oct 2011): BFN (6R, 4M, 3F w/ ICSI, 3dt of 1 6-cell, 1 7-cell, grade 4s, no frosties)
    DE IVF #1 (shared cycle - June 2012): c/p (6R, 6F w/ICSI, 3dt 1 8-cell grade A- and 1 7-cell grade A-; no frosties)
    DE IVF #2 (shared cycle with new donor - Nov/Dec/ 2012): - BFP!!!!! 12/14/12. U/S on 12/27 shows twins!!!!!

    SAIFW/PAIFW
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  • joules12joules12 member
    Definitely not at all crazy!!!  If we weren't dealing with a complete lack of sperm, in addition to my fun DOR, I would be doing the same thing.  I love the miracle BFPs and there are enough of them around here to make me believe that they can definitely happen for quite a few ladies.
    TTC since honeymoon in 9/2010
    Me: 39, Dx DOR (FSH = 10.5, AMH = 0.43, best AFC = 10), AMA
    MH: 37, Dx Obstructive Azoospermia, multiple successful sperm retrieval procedures

    1/2012: IVF/ICSI #1 Antagonist = cancelled d/t poor response to max stims
    2/2012: IVF/ICSI #2 MDLF (4R, 4M, 1F) = BFP, saw heartbeat, missed m/c 9w0d, D&E
    8/2012: IVF/ICSI #3 EPP/MDLF (7R, 2M, 1F) = BFN

    12/2012: (New RE) Operative hysteroscopy to remove scar tissue

    1/2013: IVF/ICSI #4 Low-dose stim/Antagonist (AFC=6); ER=1/26 (5R-couldn't access rt ovary, 5M, 4F), ET=1/29 (trans 3) = BFP!; 2/11 beta#1(13dp3dt)=2127, 2/13=3367; twin girls due 10/19/13

    PAIF/SAIF very welcome!

    <a href="http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Pregnancy"><img src="http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt16bf7d.aspx" alt=" BabyFruit Ticker" border="0"  /></a>
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  • PurpleIris30PurpleIris30 member
    You should do whatever makes you feel the best -- and if it helps you, then it's not crazy.  Best of luck to you!
    Married 8/2008. IVF with PGD March 2013.
    3/22 ER: 25R, 20M, 15F. 9 genetically normal, and 3 survived to Day 5
    3/27 ET: transferred 1 embryo, beta 9dp5dt=163, 12dp5dt=639
    4/25 1st ultrasound at 7 weeks = identical twins with heartbeats?!!!
    PPROM at 31w, delivery at 32 weeks of two beautiful girls
    image
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  • XV11StarXV11Star member

    Not that you need one more "not crazy'' vote, I will give ya one!

    I still have a bit of hope for a surprise/miracle BFP, and I am 40, have no tubes and am DOR!  I think that is pretty much medically impossible, but you know hope springs eternal... Indifferent   Your situation is much more positive and I would be in the same shoes as you!

    <a href="http://s164.photobucket.com/albums/u17/SossityG/?action=view
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