it's not working

BEAUNAL · December 2008

i just need to vent ..... i'm crying at work. i convinced myself last week that i would push through the holidays but i can't. i haven't put up a single decoration. dh took me shopping to pick "any decorations you want" and i stood in loews, home depot, target and costco and could not make a decision. i don't want any decorations i want my baby back. i miscarried on this very weekend last year and i'm angry. i don't want to be like this. i've waiting years for a bfp. never used b/c one time since the day we got married. finally got a bfp and lost our precious baby.

i don't know what i was expecting this last weekend. for someone to remember that one year ago was the worst few days of my life so far. for someone to acknowledge it. anything.

instead i lost my temper and got angry over something that didn't matter b/c really i was mad that no one seemed to realize what was going on. that a year later i am in the same stupid place i was last year. no one did.

no need to reply i just needed to type this out so i can stop crying.

mrs.viv07 · December 2008

oh sweetie i'm so sorry. its hard esp arround this time to have to go through what you did and then still have it be a slap a year later.
please don't loose hope i know its so easy to get lost in this crap but you have to have hope.
i know you said no replies but just giving my 2 cents
(((BIG HUGS))))

shaney06 · December 2008

Oh.... Yes, what you are experiencing is very hard. I wish there was something I could say to help. I am sorry about your loss and your difficulty. Hugs.

mrsmiller06 · December 2008

I completely understand. I have been ungodly miserable, and nobody (except dh bc I told him) understands why. Nor do they even stop to consider that the mc's could be the reason for it! It pi$$es me off that most people expect you to just loose a pg and then go on with life like it never even happened. My mom took me clothes shopping and I told her I didn't want anything at all. I told her that if it were not for ds (8yrs old) I would not even bother with Christmas this year. She got mad and couldn't understand why. Duh, think about it, right?

I just want you to know that the way you are feeling is completely normal, and you are soooooooo not alone right now. Tell dh why you are feeling down though, if he dosen't already know why, it will help some.

(((HUGS)))

jamie.LOVES.mark · December 2008

I am so sorry sweetie. You have every right to feel this way. I am sorry you feel so alone, we are here for you when you need us. ((((BIG HUGS))))

shannonk03 · December 2008

(((BIG HUGS))) I am so sorry, I don't think anyone here can look at the holidays the same way anymore, we are here for you!

Clery · December 2008

I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time. I to am struggling with the holidays. Everytime I hear a xmas song I cry. I know it's not fair, that you or anyone has to go through this but for some reason this is our life right now. We need to try and focus on the good things in our life not the things that went wrong. As hard as it might be. I'm sure those are not your last tears of the season, hang in there and be strong. Eventhough we don't know each other in person there are people that know how you feel and what your going through. Hugs