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dmndsr4eva
member
Rescheduling a mediation
dmndsr4eva
member
Does anyone have experience with rescheduling a mediation? Our mediation for visitation is coming up in a month and I am thinking about reschduling. With all the drama that went on for July 4th I am thinking it would be best to let a little more time pass to let emotions settle down. Also, I am happy with the current schedule so any delay is in my favor.
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Re: Rescheduling a mediation
Yeah because delaying the mediation that he is probably dying to go to will somehow get him to calm down....
Go, get it over with and move on already.
You have been told this before and I am probably wasting time.... but here goes: Please stop using your child against your ex. Be angry with him about what he has done to you. That has nothing to do with yours and his son. It has nothing to do with the type of parent he his. Let your son have quality time with his father. Let his father parent his child the way he wants to. You may disagree with the way he parents, but unless your son is in serious danger, learn to look the other way.
Please understand this will effect your son as he grows. Learn to smile and nod at the BS your ex or his current fling tells you. BE THE BETTER PERSON!!! If they are carrying on and you smile and nod, your son sees you acting appropriately. He sees his father acting nuts. Be the rock for your little one. Don't show him you're nuts too.
Think about this expression and live it: "You attract more flies with honey, than vinegar." Meaning, if you are nice, positive, and try and work with your ex, he is more likely to do the same. Both of your lives will run more smooth and you won't have constant stress.
I get that you are angry with him about the affair. Sounds like you are going to counseling and learning to let that anger go. BUT that has nothing to do with the mediation regarding custody of your kiddo. PLEASE realize they are 2 separate issues.
If you show up to mediation willing to work things out. Your ex's anger will probably melt away. If you show up just as hostile as he is everything will fall apart. Know going in that you are not going to get everything you want. Be willing to compromise. Give a little and take a little. That is the best advice I can give. Fighting all the time is tiring and it ages you. Let it go and your quality of life will be SOOOO much better and you will be happier. If you are happy, so is your little one.
You are happy with the current schedule now, but what happens when you miss out on a holiday because it falls on your ex's visitation day? And if he's angry, and you're intentionally delaying things he's unlikely to cooperate with sharing the time with you.
Better to go and get the process started. Maybe you don't get anything worked out right away, but this will give you a better understanding of what he is after. And that is 100% in your favor. If he isn't willing to work with you, then you'll know that too and you can proceed to court. Postponing the inevitable isn't really in anyone's favor, least of all your son's. The sooner you have an agreement in place, the sooner you can stop worrying so much about the drama and start focusing on your life with your son, and your life as an awesome single mom. That's the goal, right?
Really? If you violated the CO- he has a right to be angry even if he was a jerk about it. Also, unless you can predict the future things very well could be accomplished at your mediation. The only guaranteed reason things won't get accomplished is if you put the road blocks in the way. At some point your child's life they will see the manipulation of being used as a tool for revenge against their father if you keep this up. Are you willing to risk the resentment, anger, hurt, and betrayal of your child because you were wronged? Likewise you child will equally be able to see their father's faults as well- and could have their own feelings of abandonment and betrayal on that side. Do they really need it from both?
So, you really only want to delay mediation because it works out best for you but not necessarily best for your DS. When will you start factoring him into all of this? This mediation wasn't supposed to be about you or your ex, but about what's best for your DS. And truthfully, what's best for your DS is for you to get over your issues and establish a better schedule, including holidays, for him so that your emotions and mood swings no longer play a part in his relationship with his father.
Meaning, they don't care about you. Even when you pulled your little stunt on July 4th your ex was still willing to drive all the way out to you (despite what the CO says) to see his son and you refused the visit to "prove a point". Congratulations. Your ex made an effort to be with his son and you wouldn't allow it. If you arbitrarily decide to no longer follow the CO to accommodate people, you can't really get upset with your ex when he wants to follow the CO. That's why COs exist, to protect both parties involved and the children. I think that's the real reason you don't want to go to mediation: you know you're going to be admonished for your behavior on the 4th. Your ex went ahead and had his attorney contact you regarding Father's Day because he knows you're unreasonable and you let your emotions dictate every decision you make. He wants a set schedule along with a holiday schedule for his son, and he's laying the groundwork to go to Court and get it. Even if you don't accomplish anything in mediation, at least it shows effort on your part to show up. Rescheduling it is only going to make you look unreasonable and give him room to argue that you're unwilling to co-parent.
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