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January 2013 Moms
I'm fairly certain I'm being irrational...(long vent)
I'll preface this by saying, I KNOW I'm being irrational, but that doesn't change the fact that there's a tiny temper tantrum happening in me at the moment.
So I got divorced from my DS's father in 2008. We got divorced for many reasons, but one of the biggies was that he was having an affair with someone who worked for him at our pizza store. They are now married and have two girls together. One is turning 3 this month and the other is 1. We've all worked REALLY HARD to have a great co parenting relationship, and while our relationship isn't easy, it is good. We work together on discipline of DS, we try to stay on the same page, and we're as flexible as possible with the shared custody schedule. The stepmom and I have even recently been spending time together in a friendly way. Kind of like sisterwives but without the husband sharing. We have gone running together before and will take the kids out. Sometimes I watch their kids at my house. All in all, we've created a relationship that I'm proud of.
So, obviously I'm due in January. I found out yesterday that they are having a baby, that she's due in early December, that they already know it's a girl, and they haven't told anyone. They told DS last night (he's 5) and he got all teary because he doesn't want another sister. So they told me and are planning to tell the rest of their family this week (who I'm also close with).
They can't afford daycare for the two kids that they have (DS starts K in August), NONE of their kids were planned, and for some reason I'm just really frustrated.
I can't even really figure out why. I think I'm hurt that they kept it from me for so long (they said they didn't want to "steal my thunder," but that's dumb) and I'm sort of afraid that having a new sibling is just going to be old news for my DS at this point. I want him to be excited, but if I end up having ANOTHER girl, I'm afraid based on his reaction to them last night that there will be zero excitement in it for him.
Plus, I was hoping for a girl, and now even if I am having one, there will sort of be some disappointment involved, because I know how much DS wants a brother.
Maybe I'll have a boy and he will be super excited.
I can't figure out why this is bothering me. Thanks for letting me vent though.
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Re: I'm fairly certain I'm being irrational...(long vent)
I don't think your being irrational. There are a lot of very legit feelings in this situation, and even though that's you ex's family and his life, it still impacts your DS. If they're having kids they can't afford, well that hurts your DS.
The fact that you DS wants a brother, makes everything more complicated and emotional. It's a lot of stuff you have no control over, and that's frustrating.
I'm a FTM so I don't have any great advice for you but I want to commend you for putting in the effort to make a good relationship with your ex and his new family. My mother divorced my biological father when I was 3 and he made everything so miserable as did his new wife. I haven't seen him since I was 16. I am lucky my mom's second husband stepped up and is who I consider dad (he adopted me when I stopped contact with my bio) but I know not all kids get an ending like that. I know how hard it is having watched my mom try to do it for me when I was younger so I just think you're awesome! Sorry, I am being all mushy and emotional and pregnant
Thank you! It has definitely meant biting my tongue a few times, and honestly my relationship with stepmom didn't get good until this year. We for the most part just avoided each other. It took a long, unexpected heart to heart for us to get going this way. But honestly, my life is so much richer for having gone through the divorce. It sucked, and was horribly painful, but my ex and I are totally different in every way and would never have had the type of relationship I wanted and have with my DH. It wasn't a fun experience, but it definitely made me a better person.
We decided in the beginning to do divorce well, and we have at least 98% of the time. We've had our moments though!
I have to agree with everything everyone else has said, and a huge kudos to you for taking the situation and making it into the most positive you can! (just part of being an amazing mom for your DS, but unfortunately, not everyone is able to do that...) I also agree that your concerns are valid - I'm sure everything will work out and your sone will be happy for his new sibbling either way, but I'm sorry the situation is so frustrating right now...